life of being a ME

Konfrontasi Primadona 1965

2010-06-06T14:01:00.003+08:00

I love it when he uses his language to try to comfort me. He knew I was upset.

"Masihkah ada rasa marah-marah selalu?"..

was all the text said.

And this was one of the reasons I fell head over heels for him.

No there won't be another like him. :)

- Kabus malam tanpa bulan bintang, seribu satu kisah lenggang lenggok punggungmu.

You'd Think A Girl Would Learn

2010-05-23T09:13:00.003+08:00

Hello,

I think I am having one of those days where you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I slept relatively early last night and yet it took me that late to wake up. I missed Subuh, I woke up late and I'm waking up to a meeting that I'm not looking forward to. Sigh.

Last night was a full night. We went to Solat Hajat at Malaysian Hall. The attendance was big but I think there could have been even more. I got a plate of Laksa Johor to satisfy a craving and the carrot cake was awesome. The small presentation by Puan Zaharah was also very eye opening. She played a video of the process of burying someone. The video was accompanied by a melancholic song reminding the listeners of the dosa-dosa one have done and how it will be too late to repent once your last breath have been taken away from you.

We then went to grab some Churros (Spanish doughnuts) at Queen Victoria Mall. It was a nice night to let loose, simple outing, nice weather, good company. The outing also made me realize certain things about certain people and I suppose that's just how I got a bit emotional before bed. I realized that many times I have been over-thinking a lot of things and I easily get excited about, well everything. Although I have been told that this quirky, loud personality of mine is fun to be around, many times it has gotten me into trouble. I suppose I just need to twitch some wires in my brain to understand that life does not always go how I imagine it would. And things are not always as it seems.

I'm waiting for my Hash Brown to be fully cooked this morning. I'm plastered with a frown and the dire need to rewind time so I would wake up for my Subuh. I hate this feeling when I stopped having control over my life. And I hate this feeling that I really want to study, but the time have passed to God knows where.

I hope my prayers will be heard last night. And I hope my prayers will be heard throughout.

Times like these makes me miss home, my parents, my friends back home and Shahrul Iman. :(

Oh, also I would like to share a video of a song I have loved since the first time I heard it. I'm going back down to memory lane listening to random Disney songs. It brings me back to the times when I was carefree :)

I love the miniature angels.

- But there's gotta be an easier way. An easier way to start the day.

Knight in Shining Sweater

2010-05-19T17:30:00.002+08:00

Knight: Hey, where are you now? At uni?

Damsel: Yes, I am trying to finish up my assignment. So stressed.

Knight: Brrr.. Its so cold

Damsel: I know right. But its just nice here in the library.

Knight: What time are you going back?

Damsel: I'm not sure yet. Perhaps not long from now.

Knight: Do you know that its raining outside?

Damsel: Omg! Really? I didn't know that. Oh its going to be so cold going back.

Knight: Yeah do you have umbrella?

Damsel: Nope. I'm not even wearing a jacket. Forgot to bring one. Damn it.

Knight: Oh, you're going to freeze yourself. Its really cold.

Damsel: Omg really? What do I do now!?

Knight: Better wait for the rain to stop.

Damsel: You know you this is your chance to be a hero

Knight: What do you mean?

Damsel: This is the chance for you to be a knight in shining armor. You can come over the library and bring me an umbrella and a jacket :D

Knight: Oh. Where are you at?

Damsel: Haha. I'm over at the university library.

Knight: Is that the one near the park?

Damsel: Yes, but hey that was just a joke really. You do not need to come. Thank you for the thought though :)

Knight: But its really cold outside.

Damsel: Its okay. I'll manage. I'll make a run for it after I'm done.

Knight: What time are you planning to go back?

Damsel: I'm almost done. Perhaps in another 10 minutes.

Knight: Then I shall see you at the library in 15 minutes. Wait for me at the entrance ok. I'll bring you a jacket.

Damsel: Hey you really do not need to do this you know

Knight: No thats ok :)

Damsel: :)

Obsession.

2010-05-10T18:21:00.010+08:00

She waited for her roommate to be fast asleep before braving to the dark kitchen to make herself a necessary cup of coffee. She was convinced that she could finish pouring everything she knew about the secondary market by 2am but the alternative was ridiculously tempting. She found that flipping to that particular blinking orange Yahoo Messenger conversation box was making her heart flip even more than the idea of not sleeping the whole night. She knew it would be trouble but she could not find the will to resist.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I got to finally sigh out my relief at 4 this afternoon as I click the send button to my final assignment for this semester. The weekend has not been very hectic. All I can deduce out of it was that it has been quick. Saturday was filled with meetings and such. I stepped into the Festival Malaysia meeting to be greeted by only few, all familiar faces. The meeting went well. I wasn't much prepared but after putting it all in perspective, I admit I actually am quite excited to dive into this. I understand that much of my time will be gone to that but I've always been excited in event management. I'm just a little worried as I am quite bad at delegating tasks and it may affect every other thing in my life but I do think I could learn from it.

The meeting was followed by lunch with Kuchai and Gajan. I really do think that I have gotten close to that boy. In my opinion, he has a questionable way of representing himself but he has a distinct mindset and is always genuine in what he does. We then made our way to the Malaysia Aspiration Program GM. I self elected myself as the Secretary of the Returning Officer and was voted to take the Deputy of Logistics and Special Tasks. A post which I will respectfully give to someone else as I needed to concentrate on Festival Malaysia now.

I sat down in front of my computer, my head spinning and my body stinking inside the warmth of my sleeping bag. I stared aimlessly for a while when my head swam through motions of what had happened since Wednesday. I realize that I like to be in control. I personally do not think that that is a particularly bad thing. I realize this due to my three recent assignments. I chose my Marketing group mate because they were sitting at my table at the time of recruitment while I was chosen to join the three boys for Microeconomics because the Malaysian boy knew my name in class.

I knew my MicroEcons group was going to be good because I teamed up with boys whom I assume were quite good with Economics (and this is purely based on the stereotypical assumption that geeky Chinese Malaysians are smart). Gary turned out great as he did know a lot but I was quite disappointed at how one of the boys failed to meet us even once. Gary and I were the ones who always end up meeting and although I refuse to be the assumed leader, Gary never failed to consult me in most of the things they were doing. I was glad that he was semangat enough into the project even though he had 3 other assignments due the very week.

I was quite nervous going into my Marketing group because it consisted of 5 people all from different countries. I, the Malaysian was to work with an Australian, a Mexican, a Singaporean and an Indonesian. I later found that these people were quite outspoken and knowledgeable so I relaxed as I know it was going to be ok. The group was great only except the fact that no one really stepped up and we had quite bad planning. Meetings weren't really prepared properly and randomly had all 5 members meet together. They assumed me as the team leader when no one started speaking up. I didn't mind only except the fact that I didn't know much about the actual company that we were researching, Virgin Blue, I only knew about the structure of the assignment. I continued this role found later that they came to the last meeting quite prepared and equipped. I was proud of them. However, due to bad planning a lot of things just went out of place and some gotten more work than others.

While all of them did chip in and do their parts, I kept getting this urging feeling inside of me that I needed to be the one to compile everyone's part and be the last to have a look at the reports before they are deemed to be fit for submission. I voluntarily chose to take on the job for economics assignment as I didn't trust them with proper English and sentence constructions but what pissed me off most was that many didn't do their part as planned and so I needed to do research and readings to re-do their parts. Although I kept positive in reminding myself that it is for good revision, I still felt that I could have used those times to focus on my two other upcoming assignments. And my problem is that I get very carried away with making things coherent and perfect that it takes up a lot of time. I re-did their graphs to fit mine just so that it looks more cohesive.

As for my Marketing report, I was adamant to refuse the role of compiler as on the same day, I would need to send in my Finance 1 assignment as well. I finished my part of the report early (although at the time my head was swimming with all sorts of rubbish that I didn't do it quite as good as I planned to). Although so, I was confident the group were able to make it better. I decided to leave it at that. But once I have finished my Finance assignment, I submitted it and found that a have a few hours to squeeze in some much needed sleep before my Finance lecture that day.

But of course, having that urge to be in control made me volunteer myself as the compiler for Marketing assignment too. I knew I could have let someone else done it as originally planned, as someone else did compile it. Although so, I had that huge urge to go through every single detail of the report in order to make it perfect. This obsession has gotten me to skip both my Finance lecture and tutorial. Although it did contribute to the betterment of the report and the group, I have personally made my self worst off.

Although I was quite satisfied with getting that control, the lack of sleep got to me and every other thing (like my homework due the next day) went badly. Sigh.

Damn. This. Obsession.

- Get yourself up off bed. This is a new day today :)

Depressing Friday Night

2010-05-07T19:00:00.004+08:00

I am torn between feeling pathetic, depressed and glad right now. Friday has come once again and tomorrow, although it is a weekend,tomorrow will be another busy day for me. Today was already a long day especially with me sleeping as late as 5am this morning.

We just found out that our previous direction for the upcoming Marketing report is wrong and we needed to refocus on something bigger than what we've got. The report is due Monday and imagine how my heart sank when I found out. I spent the whole of last night trying to get my Finance 1 assignment (which unfortunately needs to be sent on the same Monday) moving so I could concentrate the weekend on my Marketing assignment.

I dreaded today's Marketing group meeting simply because I knew there was a lot more to do but it went better than I thought. One of our group mates found a lot already and has made the process much easier. We also owe it to our tutor for helping us outline what we needed to do. I am staying optimistic that we can finish the assignment well. I am also glad that I am only in charge of 2 to 3 parts out of the many. That reduces much effort and my part only needs researching on the company website, which means essentially, everything is there.

I could have concentrated my Tuesday and Wednesday on Finance 1 however because more than one of my Microeconomics group mate didn't do their part right in the assignment, I had to correct it for them which ate up two extra days than I allocated. The things you'd do for people.

I hope the weekend will turn out good especially with the morning Festival Malaysia meeting (I am quite nervous with this), the Malaysian Aspiration Program general meeting (I will just participate fairly in this), the MASCA meeting right afterwards and our MAD BBQ dinner at night. That means I have the whole of Sunday to cram 2 assignments.

Ya Allah rajinkanlah aku Insyallah.

- I am in need of new songs :(

Singing my life out

2010-05-04T15:49:00.003+08:00

Throughout my years I have associated many songs with situations. This started with the day I came to school stressed. Hamiza came up to me and told me to listen to The Middle by Jimmy Eats World. She told me it was her uplifting song and that it makes her feel better. I wasn't much into music yet at the time so I gave it a try.

It just takes some time
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

I still jump and scream to the song every now and then when I am stressed. My mind has just associated the song with feeling good. This was explained to me once when I joined a lecture on Psychology back in Form 5. According to the expert, whenever we feel an emotion, try to associate it with a particular action. For example, when you are laughing or feeling happy, try to press your thumbs. If you do it enough, your brain will associate the feeling of happy with the pressing of your thumb. I remember the talk very well. I suppose it is easier for the brain to associate music with conditions.

Like the time Shahrul sang to me Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard via MSN Messenger on my birthday. He told me he wasn't one to sing a lot and especially not in front of people. But that night, with the ridiculous microphone connection, he braved the dark night alone downstairs singing, what I assume, was his current favourite song of the time.

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

I was much in love with him at that age of 15/16. Everything felt right and I had a bestfriend I could rely anything on. Speaking of best friends, my mind swayed to Sway by Bic Runga. It was nearing Prom Night and my friends and I decided to try out for the performance. We spent time together learning many songs but this song was one all of us agreed upon. I remember the Juliettes were formed in the 10 minutes we were in the car ride to the audition.

And there's no cure, And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out, Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired, I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart, My logic has been torn apart

And now
It all turns sour
Come sweeten my every afternoon

I would never forget the day we practised this song. Miza and Gg were dividing their singing parts while Diana and I shared the background guitar. I remembered the hums we did and the background sounds we concocted. I could never fail to think of them and the memories when the song hits my ears. Another one that I can never forget to smile to is Pyar Dilon Ka Mi Lah Heyh (I am spelling it as I pronounce it). It is a song from one of a favourite Hindustan movie of mine called, Dilwale Dulhan Hum Le Jayenge (again spelling as I'm pronouncing it).

The song shows both Karisma Kapoor and Salman Khan dancing to their love at the beach, on the boat and every other place associated with the two. I can never forget this song because it was the only one that I dance with my sister quite enthusiastically back then. I remember I played the guy while she played the girl and we would blast it out so loud and dancing in the living room regardless of the small space. We even dressed up for it once. It was memorable and I bonded with my sister with it. It seems ridiculous when I watch it again now but at the time, I was my sister's Salman, and she was my Karisma :)

And these memories apply also to the songs that I associated with Faza.

INTEC was such a dark period for me but the initial days where Faza introduced me to a whole new world outside the one I have been living in, I couldn't help but to be pulled into the vortex of memory everytime one of the songs played. Whats hard about this part is that I associate a lot of songs with him, and its even harder that the story with him didn't end well. So unlike the other songs where I feel happy, his songs just reminds me of all the things that has happened.

I'm Yours by Jason Mraz: He introduced me to this song way before it came out on radio. I loved the lyrics so much because it depicted exactly what I felt for him. This song especially was significant during the period where I contemplated on telling him that I had feelings for him.

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Rindu Dendam by MONOLOQUE: He introduced me to this favourite singer of his. I particularly related with this because what the singer sings and strives for, is a total opposite with the kind of life I have been living. MONOLOQUE gave me a new set of eyes and mindset and this song was one of the few that makes me want to cry. It was even harder because this was the song that accompanied me when I was visiting my sister in London and texting Faza was expensive. So everytime it played, my depression kicks in.

demi alam yg luas bebaskan beta lepas
agar cinta abadi dpt ku nikmati

memang cinta itu buta tak mengenal sgalanya
namun beta tak berdaya hanya aku berserah

oh tuhan yg berkuasa, lihatlah aku kecewa
demi alam yg luas, bebaskan beta lepas

tapi kini ku rela
walau dilamun asmara, hanya ku bawa berdiam
segala rindu dendam

Tak Pernah Melupakanmu by Couple: This is the most memorable out of all. This was the song that I used to tell him that I had feelings for him. We were chatting one afternoon and it lasted until evening. I never did say the exact words but I returned this song to him (he gave me this song) and told him to listen to the lyrics properly. It was perfect to what I felt for him at the time.

Betapa aku menyukaimu
Tidakkah kau sadari itu?
Ku di depan matamu, kau tak melihatku
Betapa ku sangat menyukaimu

I can't believe I have indulged that chapter of my life again. But yes, the period was a very depressing yet necessary period for me. But I have changed now. I refocused my interest and I have changed my perception. I learn to trust less and I try to understand who I am, what I like and what my purpose in life is. I found new friends and my old ones kept me in my place. Now I think The Show by Lenka suits me perfectly. The lyrics are about a girl just trying to understand life as she goes by. I'm still figuring it out myself.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, I can't do it alone
I tried, but I don't know why

Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
Coz its too much, yeah its a lot
To be something I'm not
I'm a fool, out of love
Coz I just can't get enough

Other than that, I have made Pelan Tapi Pasti by White Shoes and the Couples Company to be one of my feel good songs too. The voice, the feel, the tune, the lyrics all encourages you to just take things slow, do things right, and enjoy what you have. Its a really good song to sing and close your eyes to dance to.

Laju melaju
Menembak angin di jalan raya
Riuh meriuh
Kamu janganlah terpengaruh
Tahan emosi
Meluncur pelan tapi pasti

And many of Zee Avi songs just makes me feel good on the inside. A truly amazing voice. I suppose many songs come and go and it fits right into your current mood. But there are just those that stays and swipes you back to once upon the days where you first felt what you felt to the song. Some may be good memories, others may not be as kind, but its those songs that reminds you of who you are and where you have been. I hope to have more songs to associate with.

I can't wait for my wedding song though :) Whatever it may be.

- Darling it ain't easy, for me to say goodbye, but I just hope that we have better lives :)

I crave for Nando's.

2010-04-28T10:37:00.002+08:00

I cringed waking up this morning because I knew it was going to be a hectic day. My free Wednesday is being replaced with 2 group discussions and one replacement class. I knew I shouldn't have much to complaint since I did get a Monday off, but still.

After MAD, I feel like I have gotten a bit out of my own head. I have sort of abandoned my studies for a while and now that I have, must, need to pick it up again, I find it quite difficult. I know this will be on my own implication but I have gotten Mama, Abah and my promise to them as a reminder for me to score well today. Plus, I have made a bet with a friend of mine to score High Distinctions for at least two of my four subjects.

My Marketing group discussion today went better than I thought it would. The people are so fun and they are extremely nice. They are quite updated with their work and pushed me to do good as well, as compared to my OB group last year where there wasn't much cohesiveness and teamwork. I have another at 4 o'clock later today with a very handsome Australian friend of mine, Xavier. He is so enthusiastic about Arabic that he even excites me into it.

I'm not as excited about tomorrow's Micro discussion though. Simply because I barely know my group mates (I was recruited as a matter of factly) and we need to answer our own questions before coming in the discussion. I know thats basically how these things work but as I have been quite out of Micro, I'm not sure how pathetic I will look tomorrow. I'm glad I have some free time to study for it today.

Other than that, I guess I'm just really excited to go see my sister and be at her Graduation in July. I have not seen her for a while (okay so last Raya wasn't that long) but the best part of it is that mom let me stay in London longer than the family will, which means I get to tour the place on my own account. Ayong promised a short trip to Paris and Rome along the lines. Whats even better she said she will be dumping all her winter coats and what not to me. I much trust her fashion sense so I'm looking forward to that. I would also be able to spend some long awaited time with Shahir (much to mom's delight) :)

Other than that, I have a bowling tournament this Saturday which I have yet to prepare for. It doesn't help that I sprained my right wrist for what reason ntah. I'm looking forward to Friday's usrah actually since we've missed it for almost 2 weeks now. The MAD team will also have a makan2 next week and I considered my infamous bread pudding again. One assignment due next week and two in the upcoming week.

And I'm fat.

- I'll never be the same, if we ever meet again ;D

Harmony to my heartbeat

2010-04-27T03:13:00.000+08:00

I find changing a habit is ridiculously difficult. I do believe that when you set your mind, initially you will start changing for the better. But soon time passes and those old habits start coming in and taking over again. And in my very familiar case, my habit of procrastinating is leaving me awake at 5 in the morning while trying to squeeze my brain thinking what In Addition To is in Arabic.

I shall wait for my Subuh prayers and hit the bed before my morning class later.

:- I want a harmony to my heartbeat :)

Slip your fingers, tap your toes and hum a tune :)

2010-04-26T03:01:00.000+08:00

I particularly like the one in italic :)

Remember when you told me in the morning you said I was tough
Tougher than the average women but I guess that is not tough enough
Cause when you left me on the weekend I was crumbling
Like the roots and the stem, like a flower dying in the garden

Now I'm gonna have to strengthen up my little heart
Find my own way, light my torch and sparkle my own spark
When I wake up in the morning I felt very numb
But I'm gonna get through
I'm gonna tell myself everyday

Get yourself up, get yourself up, get yourself up from bed
This is a new day, this is a new day, this is a new day today
Slipping your fingers, tapping your toes, you are humming a tune
You know, you know
This is a new day, this is a new day, this is a new day today

On the borderline from what is right to what is wrong
There I am and there I try, I try to carry on
And when I'm standing on a mountain I feel brave and strong
And I'm gonna get through
With or without you

I'm gonna change, I'm gonna change, I'm gonna change the way I see myself today
But there's gotta be an easier way, an easier way to start the day

I am on the borderline.

2010-04-23T04:20:00.002+08:00

I was quite dumbstrucked when I woke up this morning. Simply because it was 4 in the morning. I was quite depressed at how early I slept last night. All I remember was that I had a headache, told my blinking YM conversation boxes that I needed to lie down for a while and the next thing I knew, 8 hours past and I woke up in a dark room with my computer still on.

I'm quite glad though. Waking up in the dark gives me a different appreciation to time. I finally got to do the qiamullail that I have always wanted to do on my own. Tonight I finally did get to do it and it really is fulfilling especially when you're doing it with full energy recharged.

It has been a relatively busy week for me. This Friday has been a long anticipated one. Tomorrow is the MASCA Victoria Annual Debate (MAD), the event that I have dedicated more than a month to promote. I am quite glad the event will be over soon although I do admit that the work, the stress and the tired does get me high sometimes. Zia promised that after MAD we will lie down on work for a while and focus on studies. Besides the petty answering of emails and what not, MASCA won't be as busy as it has been for the past 2 months.

I am so ready to hit my school books again. I do enjoy the Microeconomics classes this semester and marketing is not a bad subject at all. Arabic of course proves to be harder and I find Finance just dry and boring. But if there is one thing I learned about myself is that I can learn to love anything once I know and understand it. So I think its just a matter of time. I'm pulling my "Farisa-during-Intec" mode where I study religiously and actually get good grades out of it.

Other than that, I have signed up to compete in the upcoming Bowling Tournament between clubs. This is to find Victoria's representative for the upcoming National Conference and Games (NCG) in Canberra. I won't be able to go as it is in July but I thought I'd compete anyway. I do love me a game of bowling :) Though I promise that that will be my last for the semester unless my MASCA duty calls again.

Mom gave me two good news recently. The first is that my sister is Graduating soon and she wishes that all of us would be there for Ayong. I was originally reluctant because I planned to spend my time here in Australia and travel, perhaps try new activities. Plus Pak Su has already given me a stern warning not to come back to Malaysia as he is already sick of seeing me back all the time. However, I convinced myself that my sister only Graduates once and perhaps will be a very long time before I can go to UK again. Whats better is that mom told me MAS do fly from Melbourne to London without me having to go back to Malaysia. That way, I would have some time in Australia during winter.
Although the setback is that I will not be able to see my friends as they are back from around the world :(

The second news is particularly relieving. Mom told me that JPA has approved my application for a study loan. Alhamdulillah. This means mom and dad does not need to drain their bank accounts to pay for my education anymore. Even though its only a loan, at least I rest to know that the responsibility is on me now and not on others. The first thing I said to Ili when I got it was "I can shop again" but ironically, the first thing that my sister said to me when she got the news was "Doesn't mean you get to shop". Although so, I am very glad. I am thinking of starting an investment somewhere, do proper planning and what not.

Its 7 in the morning now. I'm going to try to squeeze in some studying before it gets brighter outside. I really wish I could go to Canberra soon but work has been crazy and 3 assignments are due soon. I'll be balding and cocooning not long from now.

This is my current favourite song.

Workaholic.

2010-04-17T02:55:00.005+08:00

I am exhausted. Physically and absolutely mentally. I have been on non-stop since coming back from Adelaide. Being the head of Marketing Department for the upcoming Masca Annual Debate (MAD) has proven to take a toll on me. I am sleep deprived. Study deprived. Rest deprived. Time deprived. And yet, can still find time to eat non-stop. Oh curse.

I feel like my life has been dedicated to this event. Not that I don't like it. I absolutely love doing the work, but it gets absolutely tiring. I am quite glad that the debate will be next week which means work will be done and I can go back to studying and living a life as a student.

Ili once came up to me and scoffed that I am a workaholic. I didn't think it was true at first but I was convinced otherwise on the day I self-declared my holiday. The Sunday before school commenced again, I decided to just relax at home, not go out and not study. I spent the day cooking and watching movies but even then, I was not at ease because my mind always kept wondering to what work I have yet to complete. So a workaholic, I am.

I'm going to catch my sleep now. Hope everything gets better soon.

Internet Explorer VS Mozilla Firefox

2010-03-16T13:37:00.002+08:00

Gosh its hot here.

I realized as I visited my blog using the less preffered Internet Explorer, that the allignment of the posts and profile description is a bit offputting. Originally people would assume that I have put on a wide spacing in between lines and have enlarged the size of my profile description. The sizes and colours of most of the other parts of the blog is accurate to my liking however the double spacing does not make it appealing to read.

I have not realized or bothered about this since I have been reading my blog through my beloved browser, Mozilla Firefox. And on this channel, the allignment is perfect. Please avoid reading this blog using the Internet Explorer if you can help it at least until I figure out how to fix it. As of now, I really still coudln't be much bothered. My assignments are already piling up as much as my laundry is.

Will fix later.

- Can I be the girl that you met at the coin laundry?

Hello Stranger.

2010-03-11T04:55:00.003+08:00

I'm sick of having to explain myself everytime I stopped writing in this blog. I have given many excuses but truth of the matter is, I sometimes get too busy or I sometimes get too lazy. A friend of mine suggested that I terminate the blog whole, that way people won't be expecting anymore updates. I contemplated but came to the conclusion that this blog is a part of my life. How could one delete a part of them off?

I initially started the blog because my friends had them. I went on a few years writing this blog with the simple purpose to write and tell the stories to my closest friends. Honestly, my naivety convinced me that only my close friends read this blog but when I entered INTEC, I found that there are people whom I do not want to read my blog, actually do. I guess that's when I stopped caring so much. INTEC was a dark, necessary period of my life but I reduced to feeling pathetic to myself rather than share the thoughts on my blog, or as you can call it now, my companion.

I discovered along the way that I loved writing. Well, I actually love to talk and this blog keeps listening. I also love it as I know I can go back to my past. It's good to be able to see how much you have grown up through the years and boy I did. My thinking, my writing, my opinions and my beliefs.

Now I'm not going to promise that I will update more often now that I found my love again. I can't commit but I can say that I have found a long lost friend. And I would need it to accompany the ups and downs that I'm facing here in Melbourne. I guess I have to accept that there are people who might be reading this even though I would not want them to. That's fine for me. I will now write and open my thoughts to a bigger audience. I'll behave. :)

Anyway, I'll end this post by sharing a current favorite song of mine.

Growing Up.

2009-10-23T20:42:00.001+08:00

Its time to be a big girl now.

And big girls don't cry :)

One Wish.

2009-10-13T16:42:00.002+08:00

Farisa Roslan wants to be 15 again!! :)

"you begin to wonder why you came"

Popular Mechanis for Broken Hearts ;)

2009-10-13T13:55:00.004+08:00

Thinking about all these housing business is really making me sick. I am consumed over the thought when originally, I wasn't. I knew it was sort of pointless to be looking for accommodations now since people haven't generally moved out yet. But Ayin got me thinking about it and now, I'm bothered, consumed and tired.

I've got a lot on my plate right now. I'm running for the Cultural post in MASCA this weekend and Zia wanted me to finish my speech. I'm glad he is giving me the push and I don't really have anything else to do anyway. I just haven't found myself writing it just yet. Maybe a window shopping trip would do the trick.

Next I need to find time to practice my performance for PETRONAS Grand Dinner also this weekend. I have just gotten back from break a week ago and here I am already biting more than I can chew. I'm quite happy to be doing this performance with Rina though, but the time commitment is a bit taxing. What more, I haven't practiced the guitar for months now. God knows how rusty I am around the metallic strings.

Next, I am busy looking for a summer job. I really do need to gain some extra money most probably will even work during term. This is necessary if I want to stay afloat. What's more I am going to be living only 2 people next year as oppose to the original 3 that we planned. Ayin has backed down. I am furious at her I am. But I love that small girl and I will let her go since her heart won't be into living together anymore anyway. Long story. I just wonder how I will manage the rent, the job, the post and the university workload. I guess God really wants to test me.

Other than that, everything seems okay. The trip to Sydney was a lot of fun. Perhaps that will be explained in another post. I got to spend Raya with my sister and family and that is the highlight of my life so far. I volunteered for Graduan the other day and have gotten to know a few very nice people. Getting exposed that way was great because now I know what is it that I want to do. What my target for the future will be. If I am able to achieve it would be another issue.

It is also the season of Lovin' here in Melbourne. Three of my friends are already changing their status to being "in a relationship". I'm just greeting the season with a big fat smile :D. One day some day, I will find someone who treats me the way my Shahrul Iman did and someone who gave me what Encik Faza gave me. The combination seems almost impossible but at least I am not aiming for a boyfriend like how I have been for almost 2 years now :)

Now, I am concentrating on being in the Student Council like how I want. Live my life the way I like. No more trying to impress. Trying to please. Trying to be adequate. And to get a good job this summer so I could get some extra funds. Next is to start studying for my upcoming end of semester exam. This is necessary to get me a scholarship. All fingers crossed, all hands cupped for prayers. May God show me a silver lining through all these hurdles.

On top of all that, I miss Shahir :(

"It was always you and me, just me :)"

Coin Laundry

2009-10-09T14:07:00.002+08:00

I want to be the girl that you met at the coin laundry :)

Lisa Mitchell.

Thank you Ainul.

The Plain Truth.

2009-10-08T12:59:00.005+08:00

Apabila dua remaja
Berkenalan bertentang mata
Manisnya kucupan manja
Pertama kali dirasa

Oh sungguh Romantis.

They were plain hypocrytical assholes but he was the idiot.

And I am the one who ended up getting hurt.

--

Farisa Roslan.

Wrong Timing.

2009-10-05T15:37:00.003+08:00

I just call it wrong timing. That is the theme for this weekend. It started with me rpocrastinating my Accounts assignment even though I had a perfectly free one week to complete it. By Friday when I needed to send it to my partner, it was half finished, and it was time for me to pack my bags to Sydney. The second wrong timing was my flight to Sydney. It was suppose to be on Friday morning which I will then reach in the evening of the same day. I could have finished my accounts earlier and could spend more time in Sydney. The flight was instead on Friday night.

Next would be that my flight was delayed. I was scheduled to depart from Malaysia at 10pm but instead they postponed it to 11.40pm. I don't really mind this change since I got to spend more time with my mother. I then arrive Sydney on Saturday morning. I then discover that my 5 temporary housemates have made a day trip to Canberra and won't be back until that night so I left my bags and books and laptop over at Malaysian Hall, where Ainul stays, and then she brought me around the city the whole day.

The trip was fun as I got to spend time with Ainul. But rain kicks in the whole day and I was drenched from top to toe. We gave in after a few hours and I ended up sleeping on her bed. I then got a call from KK whom I was suppose to meet that night for dinner and a visit to the Opera House. When I was ready to go out, KK said that he just got back and wanted to rest. I however could not stay in Msian Hall waiting as Ainul was going out for a concert that night. So I ended up waiting at Circular Quay for about 40 minutes for KK. Rain poured endlessly in the mean time.

The trip to the Opera House was cut short because the rain got too heavy. We instead just made our way to dinner at a place called Mamak. With real hot DELICIOUS roti canai. When our food just arrived, so did Fika from Canberra. She called to say she was ready to go home with me but I was just starting to eat. I rushed through my food and made my way again under the rain to Central station. The night was spent gossiping and catching up.

The next day, Fika and I went to meet up with KK ready to watch the 3D version of UP but instead, KK said it was wrong timing and if he did catch the movie, he wouldnt be able to catch his bus back to Canberra. So instead, we just got some brunch and Starbucks coffee. Fika and I toured around Sydney after we dropped him off. The visits were awesome and the places were pretty. We did do some good shopping even though my mother advised me against it. It then got late and we rushed to Dalila's house for her open house. I felt quite weird as I was wearing skinny jeans and outstreched cardigan while the others were clad in their nice kurungs.

We then got back from Dalila's place with the plan to go to Malaysian Hall and get my stuff from Ainul's place but wrong timing kicks in and Ainul wasn't home at that time. I then plan to pick the bags up before my flight and the beach party the next day. But then I went to check my flight details and ended up finding out that I booked the flight on Tuesday instead of a Monday. I was so shocked and was stressed knowing that plans now have to be changed. But instead, I was glad that the night was spent talking and catching up. I even got to catch up with Syam on a phone conversation.

The enxt day, I woke up late and already needed to get ready for the beach party so I had no time to pick it up at Ainul's place. Ainul then called to say she was going out and needed me to pick up my bags but then I was in the middle of the party and none of them wanted to leave for Malaysian Hall so I instead postponed my meeting with Ainul. Now I am waiting for 7pm when Ainul reaches home and I will pick up my bag finally. Im even more stressed knowing that I wasn't able to finish my Accounts assignment (the rest of it) and my partner had to finish them for me. I feel so guilty. I also have Organisational Behaviour assignment due Friday and Economics due Wednesday. THe trip in Sydney was wet wet wet and Ainul and I kept missing the bus the first day that I was here. I'm going home later than I planned and I will be missing the talk in Melbourne that I plan to go to. But all these are no one's fault if not my own. I should only have myself to punish. Sigh.

Stressed so very much.

But everything else about Sydney is just FUN and FINE!!

The people aren't too friendly though.

Farisa Roslan.

Tema.

2009-09-30T04:13:00.002+08:00

This new picture is a combination of pictures of the people in my life. The first is a picture of me and my handsome friend, Shahir. He has been a friend of mine since we were in primary school and the best part about him is that, I could not hear for him for months at a time but when we meet again, I could just be so comfortable with him. A good friend.

The next is a picture of my classmates at INTEC. Arabana/Dunedin class. The 16 of us have spent one and a half years together and have gone through a lot. This picture was taken for our class picture in the school magazine. The next is a picture of me in my 2009 baju raya :)

Below it is a picture of my family. This was in Kelantan with my Tok Mek (my dad's mother). This was taken in her living room the day when we were leaving from Kelantan. It was a full picture of my family. One that is somehow hard to find. Next to it is a picture of my highschool friends. Subang Jaya friends. The one that I have had the privilege to know since form 3. This was taken during Miza's 19th birthday and my going away to Australia party. Most of us are here. Shafiq and Ainul are missing.

Last is a picture of my friends in Melbourne. It doesn't say much showing a picture of our backs but I love this picture.It was taken on a day trip we did to Geelong, Victoria. We wanted to eat the halal buffet so much that we rented 2 cars, went for a one half hour drive and walked around the city before settling in at Smorgy's for our iftar. It was a very hot and windy day. Good for pictures and it was heaps of fun.

Rebirth

2009-09-30T03:46:00.004+08:00

Haha. So this may be the hundredth rebirth that my blog has undergone. But I am feeling a bit melancholic. I have started this blog since I was 14 years old. I was in Form 3. That was the year 2004. It is almost 6 years now and it is still up and running. I went through some of the old posts yesterday and I have got to say, I really have grown. I used to write about the most ridiculous things in the most ridiculous ways. But I progressively improve and I think I enjoy my style of writing now. At least the grammar errors are significantly reduced.

So I noticed my last layout was a picture of Selamat Menyambut Tahun 2009. I promised myself that that picture would only last there for at MOST a week after 2009 started. But what do you know, it has lasted until September. ahaha. I think this year has been the quietest that my blog has been. I suppose that is because there has been SO MANY things that happened to me this year. For one thing, I made it to Melbourne. I spent the first 2 months trying to do everything I want to do in Malaysia before shipping off to live in Melbourne for 3 years. It was a scary experience but one that I have longed for so many years. Cannot believe I made it there.

First semester went by with me settling in and finding new friends and getting comfortable with my new life. I ended up finding awesome friends, a crush that I once again obsessed with, a religious group that keeps reminding me of Allah and a new found freedom that I wish not to take over advantage of. I experienced cold and went on an unforgettable road trip. I drove on a foreign land and I discovered that I can actually cook. Then I went back for one month of winter break where I got to catch up with my family and friends.

The next semester was a little different. Some things changed. Relationships became more distant and new discoveries are made. I found out more about life means and what it has to offer. And I learn more things about myself. I'm glad that I experienced all those things. And I'm starting to think that you will discover things about yourself everyday. That you have to realize whats wrong with you and what is it that you're good at. And I know that these coming 2 years will give more of those. I just hope I don't loose myself and the friends I love.

But what I am really glad about is that even though I admit I don't really talk to my Subang friends as often as I should, that when I come back, I can just feel so comfortable with them. Like I didn't leave. It feels good to know that your comfort zone is there when you want it. Plus mom has been more understanding with our outings so I have had permission to go out for drinks at night. But Diana and Gg have also left the nest to purse their studies overseas like Farhah and I. Coming back for Spring Break hasn't been as fun without them.

I will be back in Melbourne in a few days but stopping by at Sydney to spend 2 days with Fika and KK. I am missing them a lot. A trip to Sydney is neccessary as a getaway from home and school. An in-between if I could call it. I am excited for that.

So that is a short recap of what 2009 has been so far. I hope to be more active on my blogging. I'll get back to it. I just haven't had time to sit down and work on my blog for a while and I simply refuse to work with it while its ugly. ahhaha.

Salam.

Kehidupan di Melbourne, Australia.

2009-03-05T09:17:00.002+08:00

I admit that I am probably 2 weeks late for this post. I meant to write a few posts regarding my move to Melbourne University except I didn't have the chance or the time. But I'm at the Giblin Library now waiting for my next tutorial to start.

A little anecdote for you guys. I have only started lectures and tutorials on Monday but I already missed a lecture. Haha. I am so horrible. I stayed up until 3am last night knowing I have an 11am lecture the next morning. Yes, I am a super lazy girl.

Anyway..

I HAVE MADE IT TO MELBOURNE UNIVERSITY!!!!

I got here on the 18th of February and I was lucky that mom, dad and Imran were able to come with me. We settled in an apartment at College Square on Lygon. It is a nice place. Very clean and proper. I actually feel very comfortable in that place although a separate room would have been nice. It was too expensive and my roommate (Ayin) and I were not able to afford it. We settled in just fine.

The same day dad immediately took the liberty to walk around the streets of Melbourne with me to find the National Australia Bank. We must open a bank account and they don't trust that I could handle that on my own. I'm kind of glad that they didn't. :P

The next day we went to Academic Advice Day where I stepped foot for the first time in the prestigious university that I have longed to go for the past 2 years. Its very pretty and massive as well. I got my way around with Ayin and Ili (thats another close friend that I made during the pre-departure briefing). Old friends were met and new friends were made. Truthfully, I admit that I was very much overwelmed by everything that happened that day. It was still surreal to me.

The next day Mom and Dad took Imran and I around the Melbourne city because it was their last day there. Dad apparently got very familiar with the trams around the city so he was the one who ushered us around. We went to many different places particuarly shopping areas. It was a good day spent with my family and as much as she won't admit, I knew mom was sad. That night, mom invited Abang Azrieal and Ayin to have dinner with us. Believe it or not, when I passed him at the lobby where he was waiting for us, I totally ignored him because I thought he was a Chinese guy. When he called out my name, it still took me a few seconds to register him. I was wondering how a Chinese boy from China would now my name. AHhahhaAH. No offense to Abang Azrieal.

The next morning, mom, dad and Imran came over to my apartment to say goodbye. Before that, mom took me to Safeway to buy last minute things. Before they left, they introduced me to Mom's friend, Mark Freeman. Apparently, he lives about a kilometer away and invited me for Pizza and Movies. I didn't decline but I'd fully consider the offer first.

Surprisingly, I didn't cry when my family left. I didn't cry when I left for Australia. I felt so guilty and did try to force out tears but it didn't work. I didn't cry. I think it is simply because I am the second cucu in the family to go off (after my sister) so the whole family kind of already know how and what to expect. Plus, my sister comes back about 3 times in a year so they knew that they would be seeing as often and very son as well. Whats more I live in Melbourne so my uncles promised that they would come visit me here. So its not that I'm too far away. I guess thats why none of us got really overwhelmed. Except probably my cousin Along but she's always the emo one :P ahahha.

We spent the rest of the days finding places to shop for food and stuff. We didn't really go all out tour around the city but we did go to the Museum. It was very interesting especially when I got to learn A LOT about the reproductive system. Hehe. The same afternoon we were invited to our senior's house for a high tea. Our sisters of Islam lah kira. They ushered us there and offered so many nice food. Apparently, the high tea was a welcoming session for all the juniors so there were juniors from all universities around Victoria. Melbourne Uni, Monash, RMIT and such. Apparently, almost half of the juniors were from INTEC. hAHAH. But the seniors were very nice as they made sure they made friends with us.

The rest of the week was Orientation week. Orientation week was dull and eventful. The first Orientation was a tour around the campus in groups. My group sucked so I spent 3 hours walking and listening to crap. The next day was better because I got to spend it with friends around the uni. We went around for briefings and games and even ate nice BBQ. The rest of the Orientation days were similar. Then Ayin, Ili and I spent one whole day going around the city. Well, we almost got all. We did find a mall called Direct Factory Outlet where we found cheap clothes. A shop named Cotton On was having a clearance sale so some prices dropped from 30 dollars to 5 dollars. We went totally berserked shopping for clothes. I got myself a dress and a sweater. for just about 17dollars. BEST GILA.

Last weekend, FAMSY, an islamic federation for student around Melbourne invited us for BBQ at the Hampton beach. I was so excited to hear this because we got to go to the beach, get free food, meet new people and the best part is that Rashid (my ex classmate) was going to be there. The whole morning we ate, laughed and played tip toe in the beach water. It was great. Later we went shopping again before retreating home.

Classes start last Monday and I have had such trouble figuring out and constructing my timetable. I was debating on whether I should take my Arabic classes first or do my Music first. So this week I went to both lectures. Arab was simple because they were teaching me the simple letters and characters of Jawi. Alif, Ba, Ta and such. I didn't want to go through a semester learning what I already know but being able to score well in it would really help for my Scholarship Application. Then I sat for my Music lecture and you guys know how I can fall head-over-heels over Music. Sadly, it wasn't as simple as I hoped it would be and I do need to score these subjects as it will be counted in my overall CGPA. I cannot mess up my first semester because I need to score that scholarship. So I thought of taking the Music subejct next semester except they only provide that particular subject in first semesters meaning I have to wait for next year. There was so much confusion so I wasn't sure whats what now. I can't wait for the week to be over so I can sit and figure out what I really need to do. We have until next Friday to finalize our subjects and timetable THANK GOD.

Oh by the way, my classes are all askewed so far. Most days I start at 9am and have 3 hours gap for the next. Last class would finish at 6pm. I prefer that way as I have more time in the middle to go back, have my prayers and read some lecture notes. Plus, waling back and forth more often would help with my ambition to get thinner. Except, I'm not sure if I would agree with this in the future when workloads start to pile up. At least I have Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays off. I will post up my timetable when I have the official one.

Oh by the way, I went out with Azfar the other day. We went out for dinner and he brought me around the city. It was great to see him again and he never changed.

Oh I have to go now. Just so you guys know, Melbourne and Kuala Lumpur differs by 3 hours (Melbourne leads) so if we are going to chat, it'll probably be about 7pm or 8pm for you guys because I don't think I want to sleep late anymore. I shouldn't at least.

Ps: I'm working on getting a date with a guy :P More info on that later.

SAYANG KAMU SEMUA!!

- Melbourne is very cold and windy, my umbrella Broke :(

Buttterfingers KEMBALI Pergi 2009 - Sesi Istana Budaya Episod Satu

2009-01-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

I don't necessarily believe in making a list of things to do before you die. I don't believe that I really have that many goals in life. Or rather, I'm just too lazy to list them down. But well, I believe that if I do have a list-of-things-to-do-before-I-die, I would have crossed one off a week ago. The line would say:

WATCH BUTTERFINGERS PLAY LIVE AT LEAST ONCE.

Yes indeed I have managed to do that a week ago. I was lucky that I surfed my Myspace that day after how many months of abandonment. I did what I usually would do and suddenly I read the HEADLINES on the Bulletin reading "Butterfingers Last Show" posted by Encik Maher. I freaked when I read that Emmett (lead singer) was going to be flying off to Canada for work soon and that Encik Khairil Ridzwan (Loque- musician extraordinaire) will not be coming back from Boston anytime until next year. I snapped and vowed to not miss the show.

There was one glitch in my so called plan however. That is that the event was to be held at Istana Budaya on a Saturday/Sunday night. The fact that they chose Istana Budaya as the venue was such good news for me as Mama could not use her normal excuse that it was a dangerous place to be. One problem was that it being in Istana Budaya, it was not going to be a walk-in show like all the other gigs I have been to. Only I found out about that too late and I only had 2 days before the show plays. I freaked out as I read that the tickets were sold out. I prayed to God, I even Nazar-ed to make sure I got it. After so MANY MANY calls from so MANY MANY places, I finally called Istana Budaya one Friday morning (the day before) at 10am and they said that they have less than 50 tickets and the only way I could get it is to go to Istana Budaya and buy if straight off from their hands.

I freaked and immediately called a taxi to drive me all the way to Istana Budaya. Apparently the taxi took a wrong road and it lead us to a jam. It took us around 45 minutes to get to Istana Budaya and I was ready to shit my pants for knowing that this could be the reason I wasted a perfect Butterfingers show and rm21. When the uncle got to Istana Budaya, I practically skidded to the entrance. Thank God there were not so many people there. I got to the counter panting and heard the dude on the phone saying that they don't accept bookings anymore and that there are only 10 more tickets. My heart pumped and immediately got my tickets while the Abang Cashier looked like he was so sick of this whole Butterfingers gala. Not a fan. Obviously.

I walked out of the building smiling widely to myself under the hot 12noon sun. After that it just hit me that I was in the middle of Kuala Lumpur alone and no one knew about it. It could be potentially dangerous but at the same time I was excited that I was independent. Of course, I contemplated the fact that had the power to just go around Kuala Lumpur and walked for myself a bit, getting to see the place as I wish before I ship myself to Australia. But my sanity got the best of me and I decided to take the train straight back home. I sms-ed my uncle (PakSu) telling him that so called rebellious independent thing I was doing and he promised that mom and dad will not find out how I got those tickets as long as I go straight home and keep safe. I agreed.

So everything was all set and I was ready to watch one of the biggest show of my teenage life when two of my friends cancelled on me. Atikah couldn't go because her parents (like mine) didn't like the idea of her going out at night. While Diana wasn't able to go for the Sunday night session because she needed to go back to school by then. I tried to score Saturday night tickets but apparently every other sessions were sold out. Lucky the Sunday night session was what I wanted but my heart pounded again at the thought of asking mom if I could go ALONE. :S

After going through a list of potential people I could think of to go with me, I was suddenly reminded of this one Peter Pan concert my uncle took me to a few years ago. It was my first concert, it was at night, and it was in Kuala Lumpur but I got home safe, sweaty and happy. I immediately asked Pak Su if he was interested in joining me and well, technically chaperoning me. Although I was careful not to use that word. Instead, I asked if he would like to ROCK with me. He immediately agreed. My PAKSU is great greAT GREAT!!!

Later that day my cousin called me asking me if I had tickets because she wanted to go as well. Of course I agreed as I have always had her with me when I go to gigs (not that I've been to that many really). Everything was set and everything was going to turn out well.

- to be continued.....

Buttterfingers KEMBALI Pergi 2009 - Sesi Istana Budaya Episod Dua

2009-01-28T23:20:00.003+08:00

Apparently, Sunday the 18th was a very packed day for me. The morning started with breakfast with the whole family. Thank you a million for Atok and Opah who managed to come down to Subang for my breakfast. Sayang seribu kali sayang. We spent about an hour together and it felt good as I got to have most of my family members there, gathering like we used to. It was good, it was important for me.

Later in the afternoon, dad brought me to Kuala Lumpur Convention Center for the University of Melbourne's pre-departure briefing. I was very excited to go to that event because I was able to meet people who will be venturing into the some-what same future as I will. But I will go into this in another post as this is dedicated to Butterfingers.

So I got back around 5.30pm and was anxious about what time Pak Su wanted to go simply because it was a free-seating show and I wanted to get the front seat. PakSu instead picked us up at my place around 7pm and I was really scared that it was too late. It didn't help that he stopped at a petrol station so that we would perform our Maghrib first. It was not that I didn't want to do my Maghrib, its just that I planned to do my Maghrib there and he totally made my plan go askew. But I was glad PakSu did what he did because when we reached there, people weren't even allowed to go in yet. We ended up in a long line but we weren't that far behind anyway which I was glad. During the wait, Raja Azraff called me asking me if I could get a last minute ticket for him, and when I did, he immediately got ready to come to Istana Budaya.

Another problem arise, on top of me having totally zero credit and totally zero cash, my uncle, who was in his rock concert outfit (a plain white top and torn jeans) were not allowed to come in as it was suppose to be a formal show and round necks were not allowed. Lucky I called Raja just in time before he arrived to bring an extra shirt for PakSu. So when the crowd were ushered in, my cousin and I quickly dashed in and my uncle waited outside for Raja Azraff.

The room was quite small and it was not at all what I expected. There were no seats at all and the so-called stage was floor level and designed in the middle of the round room. Everyone was standing and tall guys were already crowding the front. I pulled my cousin and pushed our way as front as we can only to stop at the back of a dude in a coat and 2 guys in Baju Melayu. When the tall handsome coat guy turned around, I was surprised to find out that it was actually my INTEC school mate, Qassim. Such a small world for him and I to end up at the same part of the room. He allowed us to go in front and I made friends with the two baju Melayu guys, Jubei and Aral.

My cousin was too short for the tall guys in front so she pushed her way in front except I couldn't use the too-short excuse as she did so I was stuck at the back. But it was alright as I was still able to see the band and I had a fun time with the three funny guys.

Apparently, there were so many rules in the room. We weren't allowed to push, mosh and jump to the rocking music instead we're just allowed to stand, sing along and enjoy. But the night was so much awesome. Kak Dahlia came out with Loque's sister starting the show with a few thanks before welcoming the band out. When Loque came out, I screamed at the top of my lungs. He was probably a meter and a half away from me and I was standing with a very good view of him. The best part was that everyone was singing along to all of their songs and it was awesome.

I'm glad they were able to play all the songs in their latest album KEMBALI and throw in some SELAMAT TINGGAL DUNIA tracks and I was also glad that all the songs they played were all the ones that I am familiar with. Ohh I had such a great time singing and screaming, cheering and rocking out with them. They were truly the bomb. Emmett had such great audience connection and he made sure he was being interactive. They also asked us to have one minute of silence for the people who are at war now. We sedekah-kan Al-Fatihah in the middle of the night.

My feet were starting to wobble for standing a good 3 hours during the whole night but it was worth it because they really played their hearts out and the audience really sang along and enjoyed the night. At one point, the band went in for a rest and Kak Dahlia and Loque's sister came out again to entertain the crowd for a while. Kak Dahlia went around the audience asking them what their favorite song from the latest album is. When she reached my area, she actually pushed aside the tall guys standing in front of me and holding the mic to my mouth expecting an answer from me. I immediately blurted out MATI HIDUP KEMBALI as my favorite song. Then Kak Dahlia said "Hah, itu lagu favorite saya jugak" and before she went off to the next person, she managed to say "Eyh, macam kenal je dia ni" and I practically gloated and jumped. See Kak Dahlia is Encik Loque's fiance who also happens to be my neighbor. We never spoke but I knew her VERY well. It was such a good moment for me.

The night got better after the show. Qassim, Aral, Jubei, Raja Azraff, my cousin and I were all gathered outside the hall waiting for the band to come out and do their signing. We were all joking, laughing and taking pictures when Encik Faza came to Raja. He was talking animatedly with Raja totally ignoring me. Raja even pointed out to him that I was the one who got him (Raja) the tickets but Faza nodded and ignored me once again. After he went off, my cousin pulled me over repeating to me how much she hated the guy and I, for once, didn't feel anything at all. Except probably hatred too. Oh whatever is all I could say to him now.

When the band came out everybody was crowding the table but I had a different plan. I went to the backstage door and called for Kak Dahlia. I knew I had to talk to her before lining up with the rest. I spoke to her and apparently, she didn't know me but she knew my sister, who was friends with her sister. I however didn't let that bother me and sembang sembang sekejap with her. I got a photo with her and when I told her I was going to go line up with the band, she told my cousin and I to wait and she will get the band to meet us later. OMG!!! PERSONAL MEETING MAN!!!! I WAS HEAD OVER HEELSSS.

So while we were waiting, Kak Dahlia went off to settle other things. Then my cousin and I were talking about what we would say to them when I saw Loque's mom standing alone at one corner. I told my cousin that this is the time to MOOCH a little so I went to strike up a conversation with his mom. Apparently, we got to know a few things about Loque and his life, and PERJUANGAN BUTTERFINGERS from his mom. And I was glad that we made friends with her.

When the band was going to go off, Kak Dahlia stopped them and pulled us to them. She actually ushered us specifically to the band and I immediately pushed my way to stand next to Loque. The rest of the band were crowding nearby and my cousin made her bid for the lead singer Emmett. It was so great. But our cameras started to malfunction during the photo op and I was so nervous. But they waited and were patient until they managed to get a proper photo of us. Before I went, I got Loque to autograph my copy of their album cover and I remembered saying "Make more MONOLOQUE songs" and before I ran off, he said "PASTI". I was smiling like a big sheep and went off to my waiting uncle. OHHHHHH It was such a grand night and it was a good day all around. Thank you so much to:

> My uncle for accompanying me
> My cousin for rocking out with me
> Qassim for making the day fun and funny
> Raja Azraff for the shirt he gave my uncle
> Aral for being friendly to me
> Jubei for the awesome (the only perfect picture) I have of the night
> Kak Dahlia for the photo op and the wonderful conversation
> Loque's mom for entertaining us during our wait and for telling us a little bit
more of the band
> Mama for letting me go
> Abang Cashier Istana Budaya for having those tickets for me
> Uncle Taxi busuk for driving me 45 minutes to Istana Budaya to get those tickets
> Diana and Atikah for even considering to come share this experience with me
> Encik Maher for telling me about the show and helping me with the tickets
> Hazri for trying to help me get tickets
> Ayah and Ibu for picking me up from the KTM that day
> All the ticket counters people who were selling Butterfingers tickets for taking
the time to tell me the tickets were SOLD OUT
> Abang ticketcharge.com for being nice and telling me I had a chance to get the
Sunday night tickets
> B U T T E R F I N G E R S for giving a great show.

Pictures below.

- Saya teramat sayang Encik Loque.

Buttterfingers KEMBALI Pergi 2009 - Sesi Istana Budaya Foto-foto Berharga

2009-01-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

:- promotion Poster

:- Istana Budaya's entrance

:- Farisa Roslan K E M B A L I

:- Nur Amalia K E M B A L I

:- Jubei, Aral and Qassim muka blur

:- Mereka mengucap Selamat Tinggal

:- Stage set after the show

:- Ending the show = Raja Azraff, Abdul Qassim, Farisa Roslan = perfect picture

:- Kata Along dia nak posing dengan baju KEMBALI tu, tapi...

:- Mrs. Loque = Kak Dahlia and Farisa Roslan

:- Waktu bermakna bersama kumpulan BUTTERFINGERS dan beberapa mamat-mamat yang tidak dikenali

:- Tandatangan Encik Khairil Ridzwan = Encik Loque = MONOLOQUE

I'm throwing in a video for the occassion :) this is my favourite song of the album

K E M B A L I

- tak pernah daku rasa begini, seperti MATI HIDUP KEMBALI.

titanic

2009-01-14T03:11:00.002+08:00

I feel so very typical but TITANIC is truly the best love story ever made in my lifetime.

Well at least compared to the ones I have ever seen before.

Oh god my eyes are swelling and my head is banging from all the crying.

I love Jack Dawson.

- "he saved me in all the most possible ways anyone could be saved"

realization

2009-01-12T11:32:00.001+08:00

I just realized. I wasn't in love with the man. I am in love with what he believes in. His principles. His back-to-basic approach to life.

I actually hate the actual guy.

I feel better now.

- :)

I ship love back to London.

2009-01-10T02:58:00.003+08:00

I am dedicating this post to my sister whom I love teramat sangat.

(Farhana binti Roslan)

So when I read that Yuna was going to go to UK to perform, I quickly emailed my sister. I told her that she can go catch Yuna there. Here I was excited that she's be able to catch Yuna (antara penyanyi kesayanganku) only to have her reply my email saying that Yunalis Zarai herself will be living in her house during her stay.

I gasped but my sister konon konon acted cool (like she always do) saying that I shouldn't get too excited or anything. It was just a simple thing to her. Her housemate, Ain Zubaidah, who happens to be Ainul Mardiah punya sister, is usually the one to handle independent artists yang buat performance in London. So since Yuna is a malay girl like themselves, she stays with them in the house. I screamed.

Well, Ayong gave me little updates on Yuna while she was there but when my sister went for her tour around God Knows Where, I haven't heard from her. Well, yesterday, my mom gave me 2 pieces of Cds. I jumped up and down in my orange skimpy towels when I saw what it was. Ayong have asked for Yuna to personally sign 2 of her album. One was signed for Farisa and one was signed for Atikah. It was so very nice of her.

Walaupun kakakku ini tidak semangat dengan benda benda semacam ini, she knows how much I do and got me and my friend (who mind you, is also obsessed with Yuna Zarai) her cd. And we got it for free. Well, what other thing to remind you how much you love your sister than her shipping of a couple of CDs to you eyh!?

Hahah. Sayang Ayong. Sayang Yuna.

Well, I'm inserting this song in celebrating this moment. :)

Yuna - Rocket

- people come and people go and people gonna come some more.

kita semua perlu BEBAS

2009-01-09T00:25:00.001+08:00

have you seen this? This video is hilarious but at the same time GENIUS!

Minute 2.45 is funny.

- saya sayang BUTTERFINGERS.

Mawar Khayalan - Laila's Lounge

2009-01-08T00:25:00.002+08:00

02 lailas lounge - mawar khayalan.MP3 -

Now I know I am not a fan of KAMI since well, I have never watched it. But I love this song. I love the lyrics.

Semua yang jadi tanda tanya
Buat hatiku tak keruan
Dia wajah yang berkeliaran
Aku, kudamba kehadirannya

Oh mawar khayalan
Bawaku terbang tinggi
Jauh rentasi awan
Dari duniaku yang hampa

Seluas laut yang terbentang
Dan buihnya terapung di awangan
Derita, derita yang mencengkam
Cuba untuk aku bertahan
Dimana oh wajah yang berkeliaran
Sungguh kudamba kehadirannya

Oh mawar khyalan
Bawaku terbang tinggi
Jauh rentasi awan
Dari duniaku yang hampa
Kecewa tak bermakna
Semua hanyalah tipu daya
Modenisasi hanya…

Semua yang jadi tanda tanya
Buat hatiku tak keruan
Dia oh wajah yang berkeliaran
Aku, kudamba kehadirannya

Oh mawar khayalan
Bawaku terbang tinggi
Jauh rentasi awan
Dari duniaku yang hampa

Kecewa tak bermakna
Semua hanyalah tipu daya

Modenisasi hanya
Untuk haiwan di rimba
Globalisasi cuma
Jadi tuan si hamba
Ooo monarki untuk apa
Badut-badut istana
Lalalala

Oh mawar khayalan

- I simply love the bolded lines.

you're like a rocket in my mind

2009-01-07T23:20:00.004+08:00

Do you know what is simply frustrating to realize in this world?

To know that you're absolutely great at NOTHING. Seriously. I think I am one of the few people in this entire world who is absolutely great at NOTHING.

I mean think about it. I am not exactly the smartest person around. There are always somebody (well many bodies) who shoots up way better than me.

First there is my ability to play guitar. Well, yeah I can pick a few strings and strum a few chords. But that is simply how far it goes. I have no talent to even write a proper song of myself. Okay yes, I have written a few, but none that I feel very proud to parade of.

I mean, how does kak Yuna, Mia Palencia, Estrella and such write the songs they did. How could they come up with the rhythms that they came up with? How do they know which little notes fit best with one another? I'm sure it's not rocket science. I just believe that I don't have the ability to come up with such things. I don't have the vision. I don't have the hearing. All I have are moments where I start belching out words that may or may not sound like a song. I just don't have the artistic song writing bone.

That's one other thing. God and here I pride myself with the idea that I am more of an artistic person than I am of a logical one. But I am not good in arts at ALL! I was convinced that I have the eye of an artistical person. For one thing, I went through my sister's economic magazines judging the arts of the magazine rather than the content. I sit at the back of the car looking at road advertisements and making my own little comments and figuring out how I would have made them better. That's gotta mean something right?

But well, I couldn't draw to save myself. I have a sketch book that is littered with pictures that looked like the drawings of a 7 year old. I can't even draw a proper cat without making it look like a ridiculous little mouse. I guess it can be argued that I can design fairly well on the computer. Well that's not exactly shouting greatness. I mean I can create a poster but in the end, that's how far I go I guess. Designing posters for school events and creating end-of-the-year magazines. That's not me being great at it. That's me being nominated because there are no one else who wants to do it.

I could say the same thing about my ability to write. Even if I get a certain high when I write and on certain occasions, teachers compliment me on my writing, there would always be someone who is BETTER in writing the essay than me. Regardless of how interesting I make my essays twist, I just do not get the benefit of being the best. And that is just depressing.

And don't let me even start with my mathematical and calculation ability. Back in high school, scoring maths and accounts was alright with me. But coming to Intec, I have suddenly turned into an idiot. I kept failing those subjects. That's a confidence booster now isn't it? You're suppose to come out, grow up and be smarter in those subjects. With the knowledge and experience and all. But I was downgrading and that felt awful.

Even back during my high school days, I never scored straights A's. My PMR and SPM was never great and it just seems so difficult for me to get a perfect result. There has always been a weakness somewhere in between.

How about my social skills now? I'm not exactly sure how I rank in this field. Back in high school I was the geeky girl who is loud and seemingly happy all the time. I was told that I love to pout and brute everyday. And here I thought I was being just a normal person throughout the 3 years. Apparently not. Then I come into INTEC and was perceived as this REALLY outgoing girl who is arrogant with her English speaking accent. ahaha. I didn't think anyone liked me back in semester one. But in semester two and three I start to communicate with people outside my bubble and try to be friends with other people.

And I thought I was doing fine, until one day, a girl came up to me and said hi. I introduced myself and she said she already knew who I was. I was surprised and when I asked, she simply said, "Siapa tak kenal Sasha" in a sarcastic tone. I didn't like the statement AT ALL! Everytime people kept repeating that line, I get really pissed off. I do not like it because it means that people are talking about me behind my back. I didn't care if it was good or bad, I just didn't like the idea. Based on my guess, I'm guessing they didn't have good things to say. We'll never know for sure but I guess I didn't score all that well on that part too.

Oh how about my ability to strike the fancy of a boy. AHhaHAH! That one is definitely OUT.

So gahhh! It is very frustrating to look back on your 18 years of living knowing that you are not great at anything! Yeah you're able to do many things, but you're just not GREAT at them. Urgh, I guess this is just one of those moments when you put yourself down and list down all your negativities. I guess it all comes with the fact that I will be moving to Australia, into a University where people around the world goes to. I will be surrounded by smart people who will be talking about world events, economic problems and the new accounting methods or sorts. There will be more all-rounded people in one place that I have ever been to. Where would I fit in then? I just wish I could find one thing that I know, people would go to me for because they know I am GREAT at that.

- Oh I know, I'm good at procrastinating. I'm GREAT at procrastinating. Pathetic. :\

mind blowingly nerve wrecking

2009-01-07T02:11:00.003+08:00

This is ridiculously nerve wrecking. I am in a state of anxiety and I am scared. I am taking the condition for granted and once again, procrastination has gotten the best of me. Once again my mom and dad have to pay for my mistakes. I need to get this right. I need to get this. Oh God. Bless me.

padang keramat

2009-01-05T17:25:00.005+08:00

He had always spoken about himself back then. Funny it wasn't at all annoying to me. I loved listening to him ramble about how he lives his life. Especially about his principles and how he sees the world. He taught me a lot and that was what had made me fall for him. Hard.

He had always spoken about that park. The park where he goes to every night. Smoking. Playing guitar. Taking pictures. Find his muse. Think about his life and dreams. The park where his favourite band devoted a song to. The park that I thought was out of reach for me, and yet I still would have given a lot to be there. Especially with him.

He promised me that he'd meet me there one day. To watch stars. I've never had anyone invited me to watch stars before. A lot of people might think that is so old fashioned and boring. But I thought it was sweet. Yes. I would love to watch stars with you.

When I finally did reach the park, it didn't feel right. It didn't feel right at all. It wasn't at night. He wasn't there. And we were not watching the stars. It was not right. Still. I felt the rush. I saw the flashes of pictures that I saw in his Friendster. I saw the stairs he sat on. I saw the tree he leaned on. I saw the dinasour statue he took a picture with. I was exactly where I wanted to be a year ago.

Which was why it hurts me. God it hurts me. To be there. When it wasn't night. When he wasn't there. And when we were not watching stars. Instead, I was running around the park, trying to find every spot I could remember ever seeing in pictures and ever heard him spoke about. Every spot that I knew he had been to. Every spot that I knew he had walked on. I felt pathetic. I felt melancholic. It was unbearable.

I'm glad I have finally been to the park. The park I have longed to go to for more than a year now. Even though I didn't feel what I dreamed I would feel when I am at the park, still, I can now say I have been to the park. I have been where he's been. I have walked where he has walked. I have sat on the stairs that he sat. I have been and seen the place he goes to every night, when I used to wait for him at home. And as sad as it may sound, I incredibly wish it was at night. I incredibly wish he was there. And I incredibly wish we were watching the stars.

I miss you a lot.

a flying off message

2008-12-22T23:08:00.003+08:00

ok babes. I'm flying off for now. Will be back in about a week. A message to my dearest friends. Althought this holiday has been going on for so long, we've only got to hang out at the end of it. I'm glad that I got to spend time with you guys. I'm glad to have reunited with Atikah, Shafiq, Fawwaz, Farhah and Fandi, the people I seem to have a very hard time meeting up on normal days. Don't think about it as an end, we'll meet again someday before I fly off to Australia. Have a fun time at UNI and good luck. I will be in Subang Jaya getting fat and excited if you need me. CALL ME UP.

- sayang kamu semua :)

sabda alam

2008-12-19T23:57:00.006+08:00

I am in love with EVERYTHING about his video. The theme, the song, Miss Sari's hair. The clothing, the angles, the words, Miss Sari's smile. Oh God, I am totally in LOVE with this band.

Check out more of White Shoes & the Couples Company

And their MYSPACE page.

- saya sangat sayang mereka.

a new life

2008-12-18T22:22:00.000+08:00

I have great news to be shared with you people. Well, to those of you who care enough at least.

I AM FLYING TO AUSTRALIA.

No, not just for a 2 weeks holiday but for a hard core 3 years, live on your own, study and survive there kind of thing. I have just gotten my results less than a week. My friend called me first thing in the morning asking me what was my result. I woke up sleepy eyed and went online to check. I clicked on the button and buried my face in my mom's lap because I couldn't bare to see it. Mama pulled me up and hugged me. She started crying and telling me how proud she was and at that time, I knew I really had made her proud. I jumped and squealed and just gotten it in my head that I was qualified for the University of Melbourne. I was very happy. I didn't even expect to get that high of result, certainly not to be able to get into Melbourne University. I was very happy.

Well, as most of you know, I have undergone the Australian Matriculation Program at INTEC for one and a half years now, and it has been the biggest roller coaster I have ridden so far. I started out great with awesome friends and an even more awesome freedom. I have loved the college life ultimately. I wasn't exactly scoring well but I didn't think that mattered so much because I had great friends that I could count on and especially a great guy that I have fallen madly for. And at that moment I decided I never wanted to leave INTEC.

Then in semester 2, the shit starts. I hit rock bottom when my friends started to ignore me and the boy started to pull away. I was alone and depressed most of the time there. I hated INTEC immensely after that. Everyday I wish that INTEC would be over and at least once a week I would cry over something. This was when I got a lot closer to my mother. I had no one for a long time, around 6 months. Oh God, it was the shittiest days of my life. What was puzzling was that this semester, I scored my best in most of the subjects. I started hitting 90s in my Economics exams and I shot my maths from fails to Bs. I guess you can't have both.

Come semester 3 I was adamant that I would not let anyone screw me over. I didn't care that these girls were not calling me up for their dinner outings. I kept myself close to a classmate of mine, Ayin. She was the smart Malay girl in class and she encouraged me to stop wasting time thinking about what I don't have, and concentrate on actually excelling in AUSMAT. The whole left-on-my-own period, I learned so much about trusting people as well as depending on myself. I became obsessed with being by myself and going to the study room. I stopped going off every so often and started being best friends with my books. I felt good, really it did. Ayin and I became close and I actually stopped hanging out with these girls. And I didn't care anymore.

At the same time, I got closer to two lovely people, Fika, who is my singing partner at INTEC, and KK who is the smart soft boy in class. We just started to hang out and I felt I didn't need to impress them because they know how crazy I am. I kept these 3 people close and kept good relationship with my other friends. With Ayin's influence, I even studied more. Although my assignments were going awfully horrible. I missed a lot of datelines because of my stupid procrastination, and that semester, I learned how to more punctual and accurate. I even find myself going to class on time and meeting people on time. My friends have always known me for my tardiness, but I'm not really tardy anymore. :)

The shitty part of this semester was, I started to become obsessed with finding a boyfriend. Pathetic I know. I started to consider many boys and most probably lead some of them on. After a while, I realized that I was being stupid and when our final exams were coming, I stopped concentrating on anything except the big exam. My high school friends especially realized how obsessively studious I became. And it's true. My days started with classes and continued with me studying until bed time. I even slept at the surau many times because I wanted to wake up early for studying. It was tiring but I loved it. I found my comfort zone and no one could hurt me then. I loved doing what I was doing. I studied more than I have ever studied in my entire life. I also gotten a chance to learn a lot about Islam. My classmate Rashid opened my eyes to a lot of things in Islam. he made sense of many things and he showed me how to act as a proper Muslim. I owe him a lot.

I've changed a lot ever since I came into Intec. I guess God have given me everything and taken it away, in order to let me learn. I've gone through one of the best and the shittiest times of my life. As I said, a roller coaster ride. You feel on top of the world when you're on top, and you'll fall fast and the fall is scary. But when you started to climb back up, its slow and uncertain, but you know you'll be on top again. And that is life. There is no escaping that no matter how much you try. I've found friends who actually HAS my back, and friends who gets close to you for benefits. I found a friend in my teachers, and a hypocrite behind a best friend. I found a guy that has made me learned so much, to have lost him for a reason I don't understand. I found myself.

I know enrolling myself in the University of Melbourne later will bring many ups and downs and this time, I'm going to look at it in a different maturity. I've grown up so much that I know what I need and should not do. I'm excited for Australia. Incredibly scared but excited. I need to do this for myself, for my parents, my family and my future. I just hope I would keep my parents and especially my sister, proud. Pray for the best for me in Australia guys. Pray that I keep good grades, and even better, keep being myself. Pray I don't loose my way in Islam and in being a student. Pray for the best of me.

I guess this is the time I formally bid farewell to INTEC. Well. GOODBYE.

I'll be gone by mid February. Let's meet up.

- I apologize for any bad things I might have done, said and thought of you. I hope you would halalkan anything I owe you and to remember to keep in touch. :)

do you think about me now and then?

2008-12-13T03:24:00.004+08:00

gargh. this is so frustrating. I have gotten the perfect picture for my blog EVOLUTION except it is on my camera and my cable is missing. I'm upset.

Homecoming - Kanye West

- I don't usually listen to the hip hop mainstream kind of song, but I'm kinda liking this one ;)

acknowledgment

2008-12-05T16:36:00.003+08:00

dear people. I apologize if there are those who felt like I have been keeping myself away. I have not forgotten you guys and I am not purposely trying to be antisocial. My EVOLUSI is in the process. I am gathering a few pictures in the mean time. Please be patient. Don't hate me just yet. :)

evolusi

2008-11-15T18:24:00.000+08:00

saya akan KEMBALI selepas lapan belas haribulan november dua ribu lapan.

nantikan EVOLUSI bloggasi ini.

I would have designed a better banner except I'm on a public computer with no Photoshop. Hence. Paint.

date

2008-11-15T15:38:00.000+08:00

do you wanna be my date for the Grand Dinner? :)

something nice

2008-11-14T20:27:00.001+08:00

I did something nice today. something I enver thought I would dare to do. I feel very good inside. I'm sure GOD is proud of me too.

- I give a two thumbs up and a pat on the head for me 8D

hey YOU! yeah you!

2008-11-12T14:54:00.003+08:00

1. List 20 things that you want to say people, but never will
2. Don’t say who they are
3. Never discuss it again

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Satu. Stop being mad all the time.

Dua. I look up to you and all the things you do. I've always wanted to be as good as you.

Tiga. Stop pretending you're so nice and innocent. You're actually annoying that's what you are.

Empat. I wanted to be you.I am jealous of you.

Lima. I never understood why you did what you did to me! I never knew what I did wrong because you just stopped and walked away. I am so hurt by you.

Enam. But I seriously still like you. I want you all the time. I can't get over you.

Tujuh. You are actually a bitch who doesn't care about other people but yourself. You push people around and you say what you want whenever and that's not right.

Lapan. You are a sucker upper. Stop following their asses and stand up for yourself.

Sembilan. You are a bitch who likes to flirt with boys. You think you're so great but you're not! You suck! I hate you actually.

Sepuluh. You are horrible. What kind of a Melayu/Islam are you!? eii. Melayu pon dah tak macam Melayu dah.

Sebelas. I wish I could sing like you and make my mark in the scene as well.

Dua Belas. She's playing you. She will leave you once this thing is over!

Tiga Belas. You and I always have our ups and downs. But I appreciate you as my friend. I actually very much feel comfortable and grateful we're closer to each other than others.

Empat Belas. I'm sorry but I think your boyfriend broke up with you because of me. And I don't even like him or anything.

Lima Belas. You are gedik. I love you as a sister but you need to stop trying to be so cool and be yourself.

Enam Belas. Thank you. You've made me grown up.

Tujuh Belas. You are such an ass. You play around girls. You think everyone likes you. You just pretend to be a nice guy but you're a PLAYAA!!

Lapas Belas. What the hell are you staring at!? I don't like that guy and I don't like you! Get out of my life!

Sembilan Belas. You're actually kinda cute ;D

Dua Puluh. I'm glad you're happy but I really really miss the old you.

- It wasn't hard for me ;D

3 more days!

2008-11-12T11:20:00.003+08:00

four papers have been dealt with. now I have 1 more paper to go and I will no longer have to call myself an AUSMAT student. somehow, not being an AUSMAT student just doesn't seem right to me. I have learned so much coming to INTEC, being an INTEC, being an AUSMAT student and it just seem very sad that I have to leave it all behind. I mean, good and bad memories are shared. It'll be over soon.

Anyway, I'm guessing I should talk about being emotional later when AUSMAT is really over. now I should just be happy. I have many many things scrambled in my mind but one thing that is really significant to me now is this new video by B U T T E R F I N G E R S. I bought their new album KEMBALI already and it is the bombiest! ahahha. if that is even a word! Although highly influenced by Encik Faza, I come to really like Butterfingers. Their last two albums though. I was never a hard rock girl so their grungy days doesn't interest me. But now, they have evolved into more laid back music, more folk-ish and easy going and the cd is stuck in my car's player. Even my girl friends are starting to sing along to them.

On another note, my previous papers were not exactly HARD but I'm hoping that is not just my confidence talking. I just really want to score this and fly my butt to Australia. I need this. For my parents, my family, myself. My last paper is ACCOUNTS on the 18th then I will be B E B A S! I already have a few things planned with my INTEC friends. I saw Atikah's picture of her being in KL at night. There was one picture where it shows the roads are ALL empty and all you see are the lights around the streets of KL. THAT IS WHAT I WANT TO DO. The whole lot of us planned to drive to KL after the paper and spend time there until night. I don't want to sleep really. I just want to be in the heart of the city in the early morning and do NOTHING. ooooohhhh. M E R E M A N G.

Oh just so everyone knows, my friends and I are in alright terms now. We are like how we used to be, close and comfortable with each other. I know some people will think I'm stupid for being friends with them again after what they have done to me. But I felt that the whole shit that I went through was a neccesary shit. I've learned SO BLOODY much and I have matured. I am glad to have reached this stage. I'm sure there are so many many more shit that will come my way. But I know I will look at it in a different view and I hope to go through it in a better manner now.

Also, I have been asked by INTEC to represent them in the national UITM sports competition called KARISMA. This is where all UITM branched around MALAYSIA send in representatives to compete in various sports events. Yes, bet you are wondering 'FARISA MAIN SPORTS KE!??!'. ahhaha. Don't worry, I am still the lazy fat friend of yours who doesn't run around with a ball. I was asked to represent them in BOWLING. Much more of my thing don't you think!? Oh well. Training starts next week and I am uber excited.

Other than that, nothing much except studying 24-7 at the study room. Now the place is empty because everyone else has finished their papers. Left is just me and my classmate Ayin. I can't wait for exams to be over. Although I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye to INTEC just yet.

- The only remotely bazaar and exciting thing about my life is that I slept 12 hours flat 2 nights ago. yes. My life is boring.

Kelebihan Solat Tarawih

2008-08-31T18:37:00.001+08:00

Just so you guys would be more motivated. I know I will be ;D

Kelebihan Solat Tarawih

1. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Pertama
Diampuni dosa orang-orang yang beriman sebagaimana keadaannya baru dilahirkan.

2. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Kedua
Diampunkan dosa orang-orang yang beriman yang mengerjakan solat Tarawih, serta dosa-dosa kedua ibubapanya.

3. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Ketiga
Para malaikat di bawah 'Arasy menyeru kepada manusia yang mengerjakan solat Tarawih itu agar meneruskan solatnya pada malam-malam yang lain, semoga Allah akan mengampunkan dosa-dosa mereka.

4. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keempat
Orang-orang yang mengerjakan solat Tarawih akan memperolehi pahala sebagaimana pahala yang diperolehi oleh orang-orang yang membaca kitab-kitab Taurat, Zabur, Injil dan Al-Quran.

5. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Kelima
Allah SWT akan mengurniakan pahala seumpama pahala orang-orang yang mengerjakan sembahyang di Masjidil Haram, Masjidil Madinah dan Masjidil Aqsa.

6. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keenam
Allah S.W.T akan mengurniakan kepadanya pahala seumpama pahala malaikat-malaikat yang bertawaf di Baitul Makmur serta setiap batu dan tanah berdoa untuk keampunan orang-orang yang mengerjakan tarawih malam itu.

7. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Ketujuh
Seolah-olah ia dapat bertemu dengan Nabi Musa a.s serta menolong Nabi itu menentang musuhnya Fir’aun dan Hamman.

8. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Kelapan
Allah S.W.T mengurniakan pahala orang yang bersolat tarawih sebagaimana pahala yang dikurniakan kepada Nabi Ibrahim a.s.

9. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Kesembilan
Allah S.W.T akan mengurniakan pahala dan dinaikkan mutu ibadat hamba-Nya seperti Nabi Muhammad s.a.w.

10. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Kesepuluh
Allah SWT mengurniakan kepadanya kebaikan dunia dan akhirat.

11. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Kesebelas
Ia meninggal dunia di dalam keadaan bersih dari dosa seperti baru dilahirkan.

12. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keduabelas
Ia akan dibangkitkan pada hari kiamat dengan muka yang bercahaya-cahaya.

13. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Ketigabelas
Ia akan datang pada hari kiamat di dalam keadaan aman sentosa dari sebarang kejahatan dan keburukan.

14. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keempatbelas
Malaikat-malaikat akan datang menyaksikan mereka bersolat Tarawih serta Allah S.W.T. tidak akan menyesatkan mereka.

15. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Kelimabelas
Semua malaikat yang memikul ‘Arasy dan Kursi akan berselawat dan mendoakannya supaya Allah mengampunkannya.

16. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keenambelas
Allah S.W.T. menuliskan baginya dari kalangan mereka yang terlepas dari api neraka dan dimasukkan ke dalam syurga.

17. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Ketujuhbelas
Allah S.W.T menuliskan baginya pahala pada malam ini sebanyak pahala Nabi-Nabi.

18. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Kelapanbelas
Malaikat akan menyeru: Wahai hamba Allah sesungguhnya Allah telah redha denganmu dan dengan kedua ibu bapamu (yang masih hidup atau yang sudah mati).

19. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Kesembilanbelas
Allah S.W.T akan meninggikan darjatnya di dalam Syurga Firdaus.

20. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keduapuluh
Allah S.W.T mengurniakan kepadanya pahala sekelian orang yang mati syahid dan orang-orang soleh.

21. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keduapuluh satu
Allah S.W.T akan membina untuknya sebuah mahligai di dalam syurga yang diperbuat dari cahaya.

22. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keduapuluh dua
Ia akan datang pada hari kiamat di dalam keadaan aman dari sebarang huru-hara pada hari tersebut.

23. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keduapuluh tiga
Allah S.W.T akan membina untuknya sebuah bandar di dalam syurga daripada cahaya.

24. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keduapuluh empat
Allah S.W.T akan membuka peluang untuk dua puluh tahun ibadat bagi orang-orang yang mengerjakan solat Tarawih pada malam tersebut.

25. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keduapuluh lima
Allah S.W.T akan mengangkat seksa kubur darinya.

26. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keduapuluh enam
Allah S.W.T akan mengurniakan pahala empat puluh tahun ibadat bagi orang-orang yang mengerjakan solat Tarawih pada malam tersebut.

27. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keduapuluh tujuh
Allah S.W.T akan mengurniakan kepadanya kemudahan untuk melintasi titian sirat sepantas kilat.

28. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keduapuluh lapan
Allah S.W.T akan menaikkan kedudukannya seribu darjat di akhirat.

29. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Keduapuluh sembilan
Allah S.W.T akan mengurniakan kepadanya pahala seribu haji yang mabrur.

30. Kelebihan Solat Tarawih Malam Ketigapuluh
Allah S.W.T akan memberi penghormatan kepada orang yang bertarawih pada malam terakhir dengan firman-Nya (yang bermaksud): Wahai hambaku!, makanlah segala jenis buah-buahan yang Engkau ingini untuk dimakan di dalam syurga dan mandilah kamu di dalam sungai yang bernama salsabil serta minumlah air dari telaga yang dikurniakan kepada Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. yang bernama Al-Kautsar.

Mando Diao - You Can't Steal My Love

2008-08-31T18:36:00.000+08:00

You Cant Steal My Love (acoustic) - Mando Diao

- sigh.

as promised : I Could Have Danced All Night

2008-08-22T19:48:00.002+08:00

So I got tagged. This is not exactly my computer so its not exactly my full playlist but I just compiled the songs I like in this computer.

a. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc on shuffle.
b. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
c. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN, NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
d. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
e. Put this on your blog.

1. If someone says, “Is this okay?”
Revolution
(the beatles)

2. How would you describe yourself?
The bakery
(haha. yes, I have a lot of carbs in me :p ; arctic monkeys)

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Stand By Me
(marvin gaye)

4. How do you feel today?
From A Distance
(haha. whatever ; Better Midler)

5. What is your life’s purpose?
Silly Lily
(so tak padan, haha ; Bunkface)

6. What is your motto?
Fine
(yeah! fine! ; Bunkface)

7. What do you friends think of you?
Girl Friday
(Haha. I am a Friday gal! ; Butterfingers)

8. What do you think of your parents?
Cuai
(OMG! I so do not! haha ; Butterfingers)

9. What do you think about very often?
Karma
(Not really, no ; Cokelat)

10. What is 2+2?
Like A Star
(haha. pelik gila ; Corrine Bailey Rae)

11. What do you think of your best friend?
Mimpi Lagi
(Couple)

12. What do you think of the person you like?
Always Be My Baby
(Wow, coincidentally. ; David Cook)

13. What is your life?
Stay
(that shound true enough ; Estrella)

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Lemon Tree
(ahhAHhahHAH. this is funny ; Fool's Garden)

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
I'm Yours
(whoa. nice ; Jason Mraz)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Crazy
(ahaha. what do you know. I'll get my grandparents to dance along ; Gnarls Barkley)

17. What will they play at your funeral?
So Nice So Smart
(Sangat padan, hehe ; Kimya Dawson)

18. What is your hobby/interest?
How Soon Is Now [Love Spit Love]
(Makes no sense… So whatever… Haha…)

19. What is your biggest fear?
Papercut
(haha. funny funny ; Linkin Park)

20. What is your biggest secret?
Sebelum Kau Tidur
(naughty naughty. haha. ; Mocca)

21. What do you think of your friends?
Lucky Number Nine
(UMoldy Peaches)

22. What will you post this as?
I Could Have Danced All Night
(Eliza Doolittle, My Fair Lady Soundtrack)

23. What song will you play during your first time having sex?
Stop and Stare
(HAHAHA ; One Republic)

- weird.

BUTTERFINGERS KEMBALI

2008-08-22T19:33:00.002+08:00

MUSIC : Butterfingers - Kembali With A Vengeance
This entry was featured in Butterfingers official blog. Thanks Emmett, Loque, Kadak & Loco.

If somebody told me 12 years ago, that Butterfingers will be rocking keroncong, joget or syair, sing entirely in Malay and write lyrics such as Satu, dua, tiga, empat / Siapa cepat dia dapat, I would definitely tell that person to go fark himself.

Come to think of it, The Beatles fan in the 60's would probably say the same things if they were told that Paul, John, Ringo and George would study transcendental meditation, play sitar and wrote lyrics such as Jai guru deva om.

I am not trying to compare Butterfingers with The Beatles; although they very much qualify to be our very own Beatles in terms of their musical evolution, experimentation and revolution. My point is this : I really can't think of any other local band that has grew so much musically and spiritually in a short period of time other than Butterfingers.

Every album since the raw-sounding 1.2 Miligrams up until now, Butterfingers is constantly changing, surprising us with their trademark Butter Sound, trying to improve their musical talent as well as to broaden their fans listening skills. They could have just stick to playing their hard-rocking grunge rock music that they mastered a long time ago and leave it at that, and everyone will be happy. But Butterfingers is not your average rock band. They definitely have something up their sleeves. And judging by their new 6th studio album Kembali, they are moving into the right direction.

Kembali is Butterfingers 2nd Malay language album after the very dark Selamat Tinggal Dunia and compared to that album, Kembali is the exact opposite. Filled with radio-friendly, catchy up-tempo songs with simple but meaningful lyrics, Kembali is like a Malay folk album with guitar effects. Malay peribahasa, syair and pantun are gracefully laced with a much simpler guitar works and sing-along tunes. It almost sounded like they travel back to Malaya in the 1950's, learn how to sing and play music, came back with spirits intact and put their own twist to the sound of those eras.

The songs are sung in the style of the 50's a-la R. Azmi, like they were telling us a story, or injecting some positive moral thinking into our soul. The music is definitely local, with Malaysian's traditional vibe in every song, but blended to sound global and universal. This is the new Butter-sound and Kembali is the new and improved Butterfingers. What's important is that, they sounded new, fresh and different. At the end of the day, something different is just what we need.

Track by track review :

* Joget Global - Perfect intro to the album, with Emmett reciting syair and the band singing in a capella. Emmett and Loque sings ubah,ubah,ubah! / Kera di hutan disusukan, anak di rumah mati kelaparan, an obvious ditty to the current state of Malaysia vs Indo music fiasco. I'm not really sure about the 5 minutes guitar effects and distortion sound towards the end of the song though.

* Bebas - My fave track on the album (so far). Starting from the first line of lyrics, Enjit-enjit semut / siapa sakit naik atas, the song grabs your attention with beautiful melodies, laid-back singing and sing-along lyrics. Love the guitar fills in this song. Simple but effective.

* Maharani - I guarantee, that violin notes will be stuck in your head for a few days. Emmett's show off his violin skills, perfectly blend with the sound of Loque guitar's. There's an impromptu, acoustic version of this song available on Butterfinger's YouTube channel here that sounded just as great with the 'oooh, ooohs..' and hand-claps replacing the violin and drum works. Very Weezer-ish!

* Terus Terang - Wang ringgit boleh dicari / Tapi mana nak sama dengan kau seorang / Yang suka berterus-terang sings Emmett in this very simple but catchy song. The lyrics are probably about the fans and their loyalty to the band. The guitar solo in the middle reminded me of their Butter Worth Pushful days.

* Air Liur di Kuala Lumpur - And ode to the capital city, with right on your nose lyrics such as Kuala Lumpur / Belajar beratur / Janganlah menggelupur. Listen carefully and you could hear Vio-Pipe, their famous instrumental song in the middle of this song, maybe sarcastically played by Loque.

* Lengkap Semula - Obviously someone is in love. With lyrics such as Akan ku bina sebuah jambatan emas / Demi menghubungkan aku dengannya, the song started off slow, almost classical, and build up tempo in the second verse, before going into this big orchestra like chorus. The chorus melody was probably inspired by P. Ramlee's Anakku Sazali. A grand universal love song, Butter style.

* Merdeka - Not 100% keroncong (came off sounded a little bit ska), but hats off to Loque for attempting to write a fresh new keroncong song. With a little help from music legend Pak Kassim Masdor on the grand piano, they managed to capture the feel of keroncong with lyrics about freedom. How cool it is for the band to jam with the legendary Kassim Masdor, who used to jam with the great P. Ramlee back in his days.

* 1000 Tahun (Mahu Hidup) - The first single, started off really subtle with Loque creating guitar sounds that sounded like a sape (Sarawak's ethnic musical instrument), before gradually transforming into a hard-hitting rock song. Loco's drumming was energetic, and it's probably the only song on the album that you can headbang to. Emmett sings Harap maafkan / Di atas segala kesulitan / Perselisihan yang di hadapi / Amat Dikesali / Takkan berulang lagi... maybe it's about their love-hate relationship with the local Malay press? Whatever it is, this is a song about re-inventing, proclaiming that they are back, better than before.

* Gelombang Cinta - While listening to this song, I kept thinking, if the lyrics were in English, it will definitely be Radiohead, during The Bends. I really like the sound of Kadak's bass on this one.

* Mendaki Menara Condong - A little bit of Sebadoh and maybe Bloc Party on this track. Loco and Kadak carried this one with amazing drum and bass work. It's an uplifting song with lyrics such as Peristiwa berlaku dengan sebab / Terus mara ke depan / Jangan putus asa / Jangan menyerah kalah that will definitely lift your spirits in whatever it is that you're doing.

* Mati Hidup Kembali - If The Beatles (again) have Let It Be, Butterfingers have this song. Loque beautifully crafted a masterpiece, going solo on the piano pouring his heart out to this song. The chorus sounded a little bit traditional with lyrics such as Malam semalam gundah gulana / Hari ini hari mulia / Tak pernah aku rasa begini / Seperti mati hidup kembali. This song simply sums up what the album is all about. After saying goodbye in Selamat Tinggal Dunia, now they are back in Kembali, reborn and reinvented.

I read an interview somewhere, that Butterfingers are saying that they were glad that nowadays, less people are labeling them, 'Malaysia's Best Band' like before, thus creating less pressure and anticipation into the creation of this album. Well, whether they like it or not, I like to call them, 'Malaysia's Most Creative Band'.

Go here for more info about Butterfingers.
Support the Butter movement.

- I got this article from : this dude; kak dahlia; buttersband

boycotting

2008-08-02T07:27:00.002+08:00

I think my friends are boycotting me.

I apologize dearly to my friends whom I have been very silent too. I have been uber super duper fucking busy nowadays due to my Malam Kebudayaan! So much more to do and the event is in 4 days! I am a part of so many performances that night and in charge of a whole Fashion Show (which we have NOT found any clothes yet) so imagine how much life it is sucking out of me.

I wake up to go to school and I do not even pay attention in class because I'd be too sleepy. Then I would go back around 6pm and have little time to squeeze in my homework before practices begin at 9pm. I'd come back aroun 11.0pm and try to finish the homeworks I have.

Whats worse, I have my IELTS (someting like TOEFL) 2 days after the event so we've been having English crash courses. I have beeen so behind on my homework am and the AUSMAT magazine that I am in charge of, has been stagnant. As the Cultural, Arts and Society's secretary, this is our busy times as we are welcoming newcomers (juniors) into the club so there are TOO MANY MANY letters to write and the administration are REALLY not making my job easier. Sigh.

I am so tired all the time I feel like crying but that would just suck out more time and energy. I look forward to coming back ALL THE TIME just so I could rest and catch up on homework. But I have not been home for more than 24 hours and already I am needed back at INTEC! AHHHH!!! TAKE ME AWAYYY!!!

I can't promise that I'd be free even after Malam Budaya because I have my IN DEPTH STUDY (mini thesis) to do! GAAAARRRGGHHH!!! I HATE MALAY STUDIES!!

I swear when this is all over I am eating a BIG PLATE of Nando's and a FAT SCOOP of ice cream, then I'll go shopping!

---

On a happier note, I am going to be acting, dancing and singing on Malam Kebudayaan. I am in a 60-an sketch where I play Suzanna who is the popular girl in the block and fell in love with Ramli at a 60's party. Then I leave him because he has no money to marry me! HAhahahha! Then I am to be a GANGSTA (ie: kaki pukul). Faza plays TAILONG who is the big shot Along on the streets and I am his gangster lah kira. My work is easy. I get to grab Hazra and kidnap her. Then I get to punch and being punched by a few dudes. Ahahaah.

Then I am performing a Malay song with Raja Azraff, Najwa and Azzuan and Mamat. Yeah, you guys might not know some of the names but Fiqa (my partner) can't perform that night so I will be playing with a whole set of new people. I hope it will go fine. Then I will be co-hosting a Fashion Show with a guy name Ame. I am excited in a way but I know it will be so tiring.

Well, I sincerely apologize to my sayang Farhah! I kind of planned an outing already and promised to go through the plan with her when all of this is over. BUT SHE HAS GONE BACK TO AUSTRALIA so my plans went down the drain! I'm sorry Farhahh I seriously am. I don't even have time to go online. This is the first time I go online after more than a week. And to my other friends, sms-es are not replied because I'd be in the middle of rehearsals when I got the messages. Sigh.

SORRY SORRY! I will try to make it up to you guys when I can!

SAYANG KAMU SEMUA!!

- all my sorrows flew away, hush keep quite hear me say : estrella - stay

Wendy's

2008-07-28T09:01:00.001+08:00

another week is going to start. again. time goes so fast. my energy is being sucked out. I am so tired most of the time. I barely have time to study. social wise going steady. hiccups here and there in life but I'll manage. God, I want to eat Wendy's. :(

- wish me luck.

tired.

2008-07-15T18:33:00.002+08:00

wow. I am incredibly tired and my back feels like it has been cracked into a million pieces. I have not written in my blog for too long that it can be qualified as abandonment. Its just, I have been way too busy to find time to sit and flicker my fingers on the keyboard.

I have a little bit of time now. I actually still have loads to do but I just do not have a written assignment that needs to be passed up tomorrow. So here I am in the study room, once again filling my blog with thoughts and words of mine. sigh. I am really tired.

I have much too much things to write about it is just the time does not permit me. Even during my weekends I find myself too busy resting to go online. Which is why I sincerely apologize to sayang Farhah for not being able to see her even when she has come back for almost 2 to 3 weeks now. Farhah you must hate me soo much! But let me just clue you in on what Intec is doing to me.

I have a big IN DEPTH study I need to finish for Malay Studies come August. Other than that, I need to finish a 500 words essay for English in two days. Yeah sure that sounds easy enough but not if you have to actually read FOUR pieces of articles and abstract all information and make sure you do proper citations. That! plus I have a presentation for Malay Studies on a book that we have to read called EMPANGAN which, mind you, I haven't even START! Other than that, I had to do 4 pieces of accounting questions that takes like one and a half hours EACH. To top it off, I need to do a presentation for my Agama class on 'CINTA SEBELUM DAN SELEPAS KAHWIN'. Hazra and I need to do a survey and have to find points some more. It doesn't help that I come back from school at 4pm everyday and have a study group from 9pm - 11pm EVERYDAY.

And that is just my tuition homework mind you. I ahven't even count on that DRAMA I have to participate in for my Malay Studies assessment. There will be a Malam Kebudayaan where each of the Malay Studies class have to prepare a drama. Practices are twice per week! Plus, I am the Sub-Editor for the Ausmat Editorial Board and the graphic designer. The 3-4 pages that I need to design since a month ago has NOT been done yet. In addition to that, my classmates believed that I am the graphic designer in the class so I am in charge of designing the senior page for my class. And that is NOT it, I am also the secretary for Cultural Arts, and Theater Club and therefore I need to prepare a proposal for a book club they want to start! AHHHH!!! PEENNNAAATTT NYAAA!!!

Ok, I know I sound like such a brat for complaining. I mean come on, thats what I get for being a third semester Ausmat student right? Oh well, I have tire and scared myself after I wrote that two paragraphs. Sigh. I shall go and kill myself now.

- Remind me to write about KL INDIE FEST 2008 ;D

stop and stare

2008-06-25T13:49:00.001+08:00

have you ever had one of those times where you just stop and feel like you just hate yourself for what you have done, thought, didn't do, say or feel.

yes.

this is one of those times for me.

- :(

goodbye.

2008-06-15T14:44:00.002+08:00

what do you know. I will be going back to Kolej Akasia and my scheduled life as an Australian Matriculation student at INTEC. It will be back to waking up at 6 in the morning and the trips to the studying room also the last minute cramming for tests and homeworks. Ahhh. For some weird reason I do miss all of that. But another part of me really dread to be back there. I for one thing am not looking forward to once again be abandoned and ignored in class but I do want to be back to burying myself in books and knowledge. Sigh. But the Negative outweighs the anticipation of going back.

But it does not matter now does it.

I am too fat and my whole plan to exercise for one month only got shortened to one week so I'm packing up all these extra baggage back with me to school. I can't wait to see Adam and Syam again because they make me laugh all the time. I am also looking forward to seeing Fiqa and Raja Azraff. Yes, I do want to meet Hazra, Iman and the others also but I am just hoping beyond hope that they would not treat me as poorly as they did last semester. Sigh.

Other awful things about going back to Intec includes that homework that I need to pass up in within the first week of school. I did not do any of my homework so I am so not excited about that. Plus, I will be getting my second semester final exam results tomorrow. I do not believe that I have done so well. I mean, I only hope that I did not slip from last year's result but I don't think I'd be getting 4 As this time around on account that I screwed up most of my papers. Ahhhh haih. Other than that, I am expected to go back to my responsibilities as the Sub-Editor of the Ausmat 19 magazine also as Secretary for the CATS club. urrrgh I am not looking forward for both.

On another note, my sister is coming back! Her flight will be tomorrow and she is expected to arrive early morning on Tuesday. I have already sort of planned things that I can do with her but most important, I just want to sleep with her. In the same room, where we always get in each other's way and where we would insult each other or just tell things. We were never close, my sister and I. But you know what they say, the distance will bring you closer and it goes the same way in this case. Plus, I've already exposed myself to so many things about life the past 2 semesters in Intec, so I find that there are more things my sister and I have in common or that we can agree with. And I believe she feels the same way. It is going to be SWEET!

One more thing, my guitar teacher was replaced by another one. Arie is a 24 year old guitar player and he is currently studying music somewhere. I did not click with him as fast as I did with my previous teacher Andy, but Arie is SURELY teaching me more than Andy. Arie promised to teach me the scaling, chords progression and he agreed to pass on to me the hows and whats of writing a proper song. Soon enough, I will be writing a song that is actually COHERENT with the melody. Hehe. I am excited.

So I suppose that is that. One month is over. Only half of my TO-DO-LIST was checked off. At least I got to see Kak Yuna, and I got to meet my all my old friends again (Gg, I WILL SEE YOU SOON!) I got to watch a lot of movies and I wrote many songs. I got to play at the beach even though that lasted only around 2 to 3 hours. I spent time with my cousins. I had my hair done. I got a new cardigan. Although I did not get to see Butterfingers play live (and I still shall one day) and I did not play at Layar Tanchap like I dream, I still got to play the Sims and sleep a lot. Ahaha. I finally got a driving license although I wish I made that bread pudding I longed for. Aahhh, all in all, I could have done more, but I'm glad with what I have already done. I wish I started my homework and exercise earlier though. NGEK.

- MY SISTER IS COMING HOMEEEE!!!!

bollocks.

2008-06-13T18:24:00.001+08:00

oh bollocks. :p

Sasha does what Sasha says

2008-06-13T14:50:00.003+08:00

I have no idea how this game works actually but here goes nothing. I am using the name Sasha as Farisa does not fruit many results that, well, makes sense.

Rule: Go to Google and search the phrase. Tag friends. Please use your REAL 1st name.Use the first thing that comes up that makes sense.

Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
A: "Sasha needs Desferal and Cyclosporine (sandimmune neoral) in large doses – 300 mg a day." {whatever THAT means}

Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
A: "sasha looks like the biggest stoner in the world." {omg! hahaha!!}

Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search:
A: "Sasha Says: I Need More Light" {uhhhh}

Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:
A: "Sasha wants to be known as "THE Machine"" {double uhhh}

Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
A: "Sasha Does a Bob for 2008!" {whatever that means}

Q: Type in "[your name] hates" inGoogle search:
A: "Sasha hates baths and trimming nails" {Oh God! I am a dog!}

Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search:
A: "Sasha asks what sound that makes Jimmy Carrane rubs salt in The Noob’s wounds" {WHAT!?!?! AHHAHAHA}

Q: Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search:
A: "Sasha goes to see her first movie at a real movie theater"

Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search:
A: "sasha likes to eat people's hair"

Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search:
A: "Sasha eats A LOT, but is really slender." {ohh.. if ONLY!}

Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search:
A: "Sasha wears Janie and Jack's Patchwork Bucket Hat in Whale Blue Patchwork" {huh}

Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search:
A: "The police arrested Sasha and charged her with possession of stolen property in the fifth degree, a misdemeanor."

This thing is too messed up. I tag Alyaa, Shahir and my sister.

- Sasha loves CHOCOLATE.

crying.

2008-06-08T13:15:00.003+08:00

I know he is not the same person. Not the same person I knew. I am glad he is happy. I just wonder why my life doesn't turn out the same way. I am hurt terribly.

credits

2008-06-08T00:20:00.002+08:00

ahhh yes! as you can see my blog layout has been changed. slightly. Basically I just replaced the top picture with another and re-arranged some elements like my playlist and countdowns by shoving them to fit in the sidebar. I thought it looks cleaner this way. wasn't easy I tell you. It took me a few hours to get this done, up and running, but I am happy. for now. ahahha.

credits:

to cik atikah/kiki tersayang for the artistical photo. I love it.

to adobe photoshop makers for allowing me to make the top photo.

to oneplusyou.com for providing me with the countdown. how else would I be reminded of my final exam.

to imeem.com for the wonderful playlist of songs I love love love.

thank you. that is all.

- I do not know why but all the time I wrote this post, I was thinking/speaking it in British. weird. :]

head OVER heels swooned

2008-06-06T00:08:00.002+08:00

I have a very handsome new CRUSH ;D

- enjoy

KLCC reunion

2008-06-04T09:37:00.011+08:00

this is a little teaser. for more pictures, go to Atikah's Photopages.

Finally, we managed to find a time where I get to meet Atikah. She invited us for a trip to the book fair held at KLCC on the 28th of May 2008. Gg and Miza were not able to come so Diana and I met up around 11am to meet Atikah at KLCC. Nazrin and Imran were sent to my aunts' houses so I was home alone all morning watching Just Like Heaven and Lake House (ironically both about doctors with no lives). I then met Diana at the bridge where her dad was to send us to the KTM station. He commented that I was thinner and it made me blush. heheh. Diana's aunt and her family was there and they were nice people. Her Mok Su was a funny cute lady who made me laugh a lot.

We reached there and found out that Atikah was not there yet so we walked around dKLCC bringing Mok Su and her family. Diana also met her uncle who works there and he went to arrange for us a trip to go see the Petronas Tower bridge except there were no tickets left for the day. So instead, all of us went to the book fair and planned to meet Atikah there. When I did see Atikah for the first glance, I gasped. Mainly because she did NOT change one bit. She was still short and I missed that familiar button nose she had. I miss her a lot that time.

The book fair cost RM2 per person but Atikah and I got away with it because we were 18 and we weren't charged for entrance. The book hall was HUGE and I quite liked it actually. It was properly arranged and there were a lot of books. We went around looking at the available books. From thrillers to kids books. To Malaysian books and romance. Then we went for the language section where we had our own taste of Tibetan language and a little bit of Indonesian and Arab. Then we planted ourselves at the designing section where we picked up books on poster designs, advertisements, shirts and buttons. After that we had a look around a little more before we decided to leave.

Next for us was lunch and we knew IMMEDIATELY where we wanted to have it. We dropped off Mok Su and her family at the food court as they chose to eat there before we went another floor up to have lunch at Chillies. Lucky the waiting line was not very long so we got a table near the window right away. We ordered in tortillas and dip, Caesar salad and a plate of steak to share. Then we dived in a whole girl-to-girl conversation through out lunch. I love sessions like that where we talk and update ourselves with stories. Even though we might not know the people our friends talk about, for me, its fun to know how your friends are doing with their lives. My favourite part is to figure out how much different or the same my friends are from what I knew about them, to what they are now.

Mok Su called Diana to tell her that they decided to go back. We then headed for the book fair again to actually get a book as proof to where we went. Too bad it was raining because we planned to go to the park and have a photo session of artistical pictures. :p So instead we spend more time at the fair and lucky the two ended up with a book each. I did not get any because all the ones that I want,are the ones my friends already have so we settled with me borrowing them.

Lucky the rain stopped by the time we finished so we DID manage to have the session after all. I loved it but it was cut short by the time we had. It was already 6pm and we were scheduled to go back at that time. So we camwhored a few more before heading back to KLCC to buy pies and cinnamon buns to bring back home. We bid goodbye in the middle of the huge mall uncertain of when we would see each other again except we promised that it would be during the time we are still having our holiday break. The promise I still keep until now.

Diana and I were tired on the way back and my feet were killing me so the both of us did not talk a lot. We just ate and tried to endure the pain. By the time we reached Subang Jaya it was already 8pm and to add to the pain in my feet and on my back, I was nervous because I was way past my curfew. Strange enough my mother did not call me to do her usual "WHERE ARE YOU! WHY ARE YOU LATE!" check ups. Dad picked us up from the station and sent Diana back before bringing me home to mom. Came in and was glad mom did not start screaming at me but she was quite cold. I smiled sheepishly and showed her the cinnamon buns I brought back and that softened her a little. After that, I called my brothers down and the three of us presented mom with a frame that holds an artwork I did for her for Mother's Day. It was a picture of the four of us (my siblings) each holding cards that spells out HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MAMA! She didn't get mad after that so the day turned out JUST NICELY.

- She did not forget to comment on what I wore though. Typical mom.

gone and back from Port Dickson

2008-06-02T09:37:00.000+08:00

yes. For those of you who was not informed, I did in fact went to Port Dickson for a respectable 3 days with my family last weekend. I am sorry that I did not mention it to everyone but I am back now.

My family Port Dickson holiday wasn't as eventful as the other holidays mainly because all of us spent most of our time hanging in the apartments. There was a full house so we could only manage to book 2 apartment rooms with 2 bedrooms each. The units were not all that bad.

I hopped in the black Honda with my 2 cousins tersayang with my uncle and aunt in the front. The whole trip (which lasted only a little more than an hour) my uncle and my cousins were debating about school, studies, education and all. Maybe that was why the trip did not feel so long.

We reached there and hung out for a while. The 3 girls got one bedroom to be shared with Mak Teh(my Pak Teh did not come on this trip as he had work). We spend a few hours just waiting for lunch time as we did not know what else to do. My family just watched the Tv while I slept.

When it was time for lunch, we were rushed downstairs and all of us convoyed to find the nearest restaurant that sells white rice. We found a dodgy place called JOM MAKAN and since its almost 3pm anyways, the place was running out of choices. Then surprisingly, the grownups just brought us back to the apartments instead of bringing us around. We spent more time doing nothing at the apartment until around 5.30pm where the kids were brought for their much awaited swimming trip while my two cousins and I, and my Mak Teh followed my uncle around Port Dickson. He gave us a tour of a few camps he was admitted to during his army days. He told us all his old stories and I was awed and disgusted at the same time.

He then brought us to a beach side. The sand wasn't as clean as the one I found at Cherating and the space was small but it was acceptable. We came in jeans and pretty shoes so anyone could tell we weren't prepared for the beach so all we did was make noise, draw on the sand and took loads of pictures. It was until sunset that we went back.

That night we were going to celebrate the birthdays of the May people. My cousins and I were not as attentive to the party as we were practicing for a performance we were going to do that night. It was sort of my first performance in front of my family so I was really nervous. We sang and ate pizza and before I know it, the people were getting sleepier so I rushed my cousins for the performance.

We did not practice that well so we played I WILL SURVIVE almost horribly I felt but some of my uncles/aunts were singing along so perhaps that was alright. But after the song, the comments came bombing towards us. My Pak Su especially were kutuking us. They even had to comment on how my legs were moving to the beat of the songs I played. It is only NATURAL to bump your legs on the floor as to move to the beat but NO! They thought it was hilarious and on purpose. I know they don't really mean that we were awful they just don't do well complimenting us. ahaha. ;p

Next song was a piece my cousins and I rendered. We took in Kak Yuna's song DAN SEBENARNYA and changed the lyrics to fit in a song for our mothers since we didn't really celebrate MOther's Day. The song took in the tune of Dan Sebenarnya but most of the lyrics were changed to either perli our moms or tell them that we love them. The mothers really smiled and almost cried as they were so touched and that felt awesome I thought. The performance was taped so I will upload that as soon as I get it from my cousin.

The next song was a duet of my uncle and I. We sang BETTER MAN by Robbie Williams and surprisingly my uncle was shy. He has a great deep voice that I love but he was so shy to sing. We did it well anyway and it was great because my other uncles/aunts were singing along to it as well. Pity my grandma and my grandpa were just sitting there smiling as they didn't know the songs we sang. I was suppose to duet the song MALAM BULAN DIPAGAR BINTANG with my uncle except I couldn't find the chords for that song.

More comes the perli from my uncles so my cousins and I were just convincing ourselves that we were good. And then my dad was screaming from across the room for me to play TEARS IN HEAVEN that I have been practising. I wasn't sure that I was ready to perform the song because I didn't memorize the whole song but they urged me anyway so I did. I played and sang the song halfway and I was so nervous because it was NOT an easy song. But it was great because when I finished, my Pak Su actually got up and clap for me. They all complimented me and I felt great after that! So did my cousins. It was a good night.

After everyone else started packing up for sleep, my three cousins, my two uncles, my aunt. Nazrin Roslan and I went downstairs for a karaoke session. We spent two hours singing and screaming to songs like Lady Marmalade, Bunyi Guitar and Mr. Postman while half of the time we sat and endured the horrible old songs my uncles/aunt were singing. After that we went to bed.

Next day our uncles went to play golf so we all just hung around the room. We went down at one point to go and play pool at the game room. Then we prepared for lunch where they brought us to the Golf Clubhouse and had AWESOME food. We took more pictures there. Again surprisingly, we were brought back to the apartment rooms. Usually, times like these are the times we would go around looking for places to go sight seeing or find a mall to shop. Around 5.30pm the whole lot went down to the beach near the hotel.

These part of the beach was no better than the part we went to. There were no white sand at all. But there was this thing called a Banana Boat. It is a float shaped like a Banana and it is tied to a speedboat. The speedboat will drive us around the sea before making a sharp turn where ALL of us would fall into the salty sea. IT WAS THE AWESOMEST fun except it was so salty my eyes hurt. And at one point, my pants almost fell off while trying to get back on the boat. BUT IT WAS FUN FUN FUN. You can say we had kenangan masin there ;D Then we went on a boat trip where they brought us around islands.

We then went back to get ready for dinner. I did not know why but we spent ONE BLOODY HOUR just looking for a place to eat around those parts. I was sleeping in the car. We finally settled with ANOTHER dodgy restaurant that prepares food really late and it was 10PM already. The food wasn't all that good and everyone were cranky. We ate and left

The next morning we had breakfast at the room and packed up to go back. Before that, they managed to find a shopping district in the middle of Nilai somewhere. The place sells cheap toys, fancy carpets, pots and pans, and bundle clothing. I didn't really find anything I fancied so my Pak Su invited me for a trip around Nilai. He was looking for a restaurant that his friend recommended so we left the whole lot at the place and went around the area looking for the restaurant. Too bad it was closed so all of us ended up going to Shah Alam for our final lunch of the trip. We came back tired.

- oh bunda ;)

happy news

2008-05-29T09:40:00.007+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

KHAIRIL RIDZWAN (monoloque) and KAK DAHLIA are going to be married!!!

I AM SO EXCITEEEDD!

:D

I know it seems so unrelated to my life whatsoever but I love the both of them together. I just found out the news but since no one I know care enough about this news, and that I'm not really talking to Encik Faza anymore, I THOUGHT I'D SHARE IT IN MY BLOG!

Ahh! I am so excited. I am so happy for them. I wish them all the luck in the world. Wish I could be there but well, both of them don't really know me. So. Whatever.

- Selamat Pengantin Baru.

random

2008-05-27T14:27:00.000+08:00

why is it that the ones we want are the ones that we can't have? :\

Yuna Zarai plays at No Black Tie on the 22nd of May 2008

2008-05-26T22:06:00.004+08:00

note: gambar ini gambar semata-mata. ini bukan Yuna pada malam itu.

Yes, I did go see her. And yes, she was as amazing as I hoped she would be.

The day started simple. I was doing what I typically do during my boring days at home. I clean my room. I told myself I wouldn't eat too much just so my stomach wouldn't bloat bigger than the size of China, which is what it is now. But well, I did.

Dragged my cousin to Subang Parade to lepak for a while. Came back at 6pm to have mama throw a fit about how I would come back too late even though I was going to go out later that night. Rushed to my room to pack my bag because I was going to shower at my cousin's house that night. My uncle's driver was assigned to send us to No Black Tie, Kuala Lumpur.

The event was suppose to start at 8.30pm but at around 5 mins to 8pm, my cousins house got into a black out so we ended up pushing to KL a little later than the planned time. Lucky we got there on time. I was so sceptical about what I was going to wear as I really didn't want to look dorky meeting my favourite singer. Settled with a nice dress and tudung belit-belit.

The place was very small but has a very nice design. It is like a small bungalow with a bar in the front and a stage at the back. The second floor looks right down to the stage. It was not a very big place but the place was already filled with many people when we came. Lucky we managed to get a seat on the first floor. It wasn't exactly in front but it was alright.

Came in and saw YUNA sitting at a table at the other end. I think I squealed like a dork when I saw her. She was just sitting there looking around and smiling. We settled in and lucky we did not have to wait long before Yuna performed. I must complain on the drinks by the way. A glass of sprite was RM8. I can dabsmack the bloody people for making it soo expensive. By the way, I do not know what dabsmack really means but it sounds appropriate in that sentence. :)

She set up her equipments and she played the first song BACKPACKING AROUND EUROPE which I might add, IS MY FAVOURITE. Knowing me and my enthusiasm for cheering, I cheered for her too loud I think those present thought I was annoying. haha. She then swooned us with AFTER MIDNIGHT before playing DAN SEBENARNYA. I actually watched a Youtube video performance of Dan Sebenarnya and read her chords to play the song for myself. I managed to do it actually but on that night, I found out that the chords I supposedly read, was an octave higher than it was suppose to be. Buat malu je main konon bagus padahal chords salah. haha.

Then she played a new song which I forgot the title, and ended the show with BLUE SANDS on the piano, the one yang Atikah suka tu. When she went down, people nudged her for an encore and so she played DEEPER CONVERSATIONS beautifully. When she walked down stage my cousin nudged me to go talk to her. So she passed our table and actually sat down. We had a little chat and told her proudly that we were from Subang Jaya as well. I think I gave a bad first impression to her because I actually got tongue tied when she asked me questions. She asked me how old I was and I actually took 10 seconds to remember my age and stupidly answered "uuhhh.... 18". I am usually quite good at making conversations with people but seriously that night, I lost my words. Buat malu saja.

She then went away and I was complaining flat to my cousin on how I was being so lame. The next performer was this Afro haired guy named BOBO. He was drinking and smoking while singing and he didn't really catch my fancy. But his songs were not bad although each song sounded the same with the songs before it. And he had EIGHT songs so it was quite a bore that time. I just ended up talking to my cousin.

Until two guys grabbed the two available chairs at our table and started sitting down. I couldn't blame them as there were no other place to sit but what surprised me was the fact that the two boys were coincidentally from Intec. American Degree students and I happen to know one of them. Small world it is. We ended up talking and hanging out for the rest of the night. Ari knows a fair deal about the local independent music scene so we shared knowledge on bands, performers, gigs and all.

The next to play was ESTRELLA. I have never heard of them but according to my cousin's boyfriend, they were ala ala MOCCA, one of my favourite jazzy Indonesian band. I considered them and I thought they were alright. Weren't ALL great but good enough to market. They are different because they have bongos I think its called. By the time they finished, it was almost 12am. I knew I was in for trouble because my supposed curfew was 11pm although mom didn't mention that I had to be back at that time that night. I just sms-ed her to tell her that I was going to be back at 12am and was ready to face the consequences later.

After Estrella, a guy named OTAM played and I don't really fancy him. He just didn't play the song that suits my taste but he wasn't bad at all. According to Hazri (my cousin's boyfriend), he played his song impromptu so that was suppose to be cool. ahahaha. In the middle, Yuna came to me and told me that she was selling out her demo cds at the main room so my cousin and I rushed for it. 4 out of 5 of the songs in there I already have but I thought I should buy it anyway to support her. Rm10 boleh kasi isi perut sehari. I love love love it.

Come 12am the driver came back again. While making our way through the crowded room and to the front door, Yuna stopped me to say thank you and kissed cheek me goodbye. I think I acted dorkily once again at that time. Oh God. But I was glad to know she at least have seen my face before and know I existed. It was all silent on the way home. I was tired and was thinking of all the excuses I would give to support my case. Apparently when I came back, mom opened the door without saying anything except, "don't tell me you wore that same tudung again!" I wasn't sure if I should be glad or taken aback by that comment but I know I was relieved that she did not get mad at me AT ALL. She went back to bed and I went to mine.

Alamaks. Saya sayang sangat dekat Yuna.

- Pictures and videos possibly later :)

Edmund Pevensie

2008-05-25T22:58:00.002+08:00

Edmund Pavensie was just an annoying little prat 2 years ago in The Chronicles of Narnia : The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Now, he has grown on me. He's scrawny, dark featured, dorky yet hot. So my type.

- dia saya punya :P

fake plastic love

2008-05-25T22:57:00.001+08:00

It looks like the real thing
It tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love

Kak Yuna, here I come!

2008-05-21T13:36:00.001+08:00

I AM HAVING MY HOLIDAY NOW! WOOOHOO!!

and tomorrow I shall e re-sitting for my driving test. and by night, I shall be watching Kak Yuna play LIVE!!

WOOHOO!!

Freedom is SWEET!

- I need to thin myself. Right away.

meme

2008-05-20T22:01:00.001+08:00

Atikah has taken the liberty to tag me just because. :)

1. Do you eat a lot of fast food? Well, I think I consume a little less than a lot but a little more than what normal people would take.

2. Were you happy when you woke up today? I wasn't happy nor sad. I was just cranky.

3. Are you an understanding person? It depends really. But I'd usually freak or overreact towards something and just accept it later on.

4. What was the last movie you saw in theaters? What Happens In Vegas with my girlfriends. It was predictable yet hilarious.

5. What did you last get upset about? It is always about a boy.

6. Do you eat candy on a daily basis? No. I consume Junk Food on a daily basis.

7. Does it make you happy to get letters in the mail? Oh yes yes!

8. What are you looking forward to this summer? My sister coming back =D

9. Who was the last person you ate with? Mama and Imran

10. Do raisins belong in cookies? No. They belong no where on this earth!

11. What's your screen name? Farisa Roslan

12. Walking into a party, what's the first thing you notice? The crowd I suppose.

13. Are you currently taking a science class in school? Thank God no.

14. You've just won a free vacation to either South America or North Korea? South America no doubt.

15. Would you rather have chicken or steak? Right this moment, a steak sounds DELICIOUS.

16. What's one thing you've learned? Be yourself is all that you can do.

17. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Myself and Imran making pretentious faces.

18. Would you ever donate blood? Yes. No. Maybe.

19. How many snack machines are in your school? Zero.

20. Do you believe in karma? In a sick and freakily twisted way, yes.=

21. Are you good at telling jokes? Bolehlah.

22. Do you wish you had smaller feet? I just wish I had thinner feet

23. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? Yes =)

24. When ordering sushi, what do you get? Used to be obsessed with tempuras but now I have a thing about their salmons.

25. What were you doing at 10 am? Sleeping =D

26. Are you different now than you were six months ago? YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

28. What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? I'm guessing plain water since thats kind of the only thing I drink anyway.

I don't play tags ;p or maybe I tag Moon. and Farhah. Miza if she's free. Kak Dahlia if she's reading this. Ayong if she even cares. Shahir, if he even remembers my blog.

- Smiles.

incoming

2008-05-13T20:17:00.002+08:00

three papers are down and two more to go. yes. in three days I will once again roam the land free from stress. school stress that is. for one month I shall be able to wake up when I want, do what I want and scream whenever I want. in 3 days, I shall be a free girl.

I hhave not exactly outlined my plans for this semester's holiday but I know what I want to do. I want to go to gigs. I want to go to MANY gigs. I want to go see Yunalis play live. I want to exercise everyday. I want to go out with my friends. I want to go see my suster. I want to loose all these weight I've put on this semester. I want to read this book I bought for 4 months already and have not been able to read. I want to write songs again. I want to go perform live somewhere. I want to go out with Shahrul Iman. I want to go watch a movie. I want to go fix my hair. I want to go eat Nando's. I want to make Mama's present. I want to go out with my cousin. I want to go on a date. I want to go to a beach. I want to go to a padang at night and play guitar there and sing. I want to go on a picnic. I want to do anything that could make me FREE!

Yes. I shall put all of that in a better manner later. But for now, I have to battle my Accounts and Economics. The two major subjects of my course. I am really starting to hate Accounts. I will sit for my paper in less than 24 hours and I still do not believe I am ready. I am so not. I have always thought I am good in Accounts but now, I do not feel that at all. And I am so tired and lazy to study. Die.

English was alright but my READING was a killer. I miscalculated my timing therefore I had limited time when I did my WRITING and I do not even remember what I wrote. Die. Malay Studies was jsut, annoying. There were a lot of writing and I am not even certain if I answered accordingly. I hope I did but I am not too scared for that. Mathematics, like always, is hard. But I do not feel as fucked up about it as my other mathematics test papers before. I think I haev at least managed to escape a fail but I wish I could score at least a B. Am quite confident with Economics, especially since I have and extra day on Thursday to study for the Economics paper on Friday. Now, I think I might have a BIG potential to screw accounts.

Screwy screw screw.

I suddenly had a feeling that I want to go meet and hang out with Farah Afreeda. Weird.

- I need to fart. ;p

2 days before Finals

2008-05-10T20:36:00.003+08:00

ho ho ho!

I am stressed. I start my finals in 2 days and it is stressing me out completely. I have been spending my days here at the study room from morning to, well morning, if you get what I mean. Right at this moment, my head is spinning, my stomach is aching, my back is soaring and my eyes are heavy.

I have spent my respectful Saturday studying maths and I do not feel like I am getting better at it at all. I feel as if I have gone from BAD at maths to REALLY BAD at maths and that stresses me out even more. Plus, knowing that there are not enough time for me to finish studying makes me even more depressed.

It has always been me, Farisa binti Roslan, to procrastinate everything. I often put off my studying until the last minute and it is not as if it has not taken a toll on me before. It had and it still is. But the problem is, I just do not learn from it and still resort to cramming everything at the eleventh hour. I hate it but I feel like I am not able to do anything about it. Except to just make the best of the situation. Hence, not sleep. Equals NOT GOOD.

My lecturer have already explained the whole process on how we will be graded in Ausmat and it is pretty weird I tell you. But it kinds of put me off a bit from studying. Why? Because [I will not really explain the A to Z-ken reason because you guys will not understand anyway] she made it seem like our INTERNAL assessment is not that important and what is important is only our SSABSA final papers. So I kind of, psychologically, told myself that I do not really need to score in my internal. Of course, it is COMPLETELY not true that internal is not important. So like it or not, I shall need to cram and study all the same.

Tomorrow is mother's day. I already have a perfect gift for mom in mind except I have been busy, well, studying that I do not have the time to DO it just yet. Am thinking of giving her an I OWE YOU card first and start making the present after my finals (which is for one week). In the mean time, I'd probably buy her a cake.

I will be finishing my second semester of Ausmat in one week and I am way excited. Will story story more about this later. For now, I gotta go back to Tangents, Integrations and Rate of Change. Urggggh.

By the way, I failed my driving test. Yes. It was at the bukit part. I feel so typical. Not good. :(

- UNBREAK MY HEART! SAY YOU LOVE ME AGAIN!! (been listening to more oldies ;D)

pooping market place

2008-05-05T20:41:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, my market trip with my mother was not as Uneventful as always. I had a really bad headache the night before so I slept early. Therefore, I had no excuse to be sleepy when mom woke me up and asked me to accompany her to the market. It is never said but I do enjoy my market trips with mom. For one thing, I get to spend time with her and there are no pressure in trying to dress to impress, because well, I could dress the ugliest and I could still blend in.

So mom drove us all the way to, haha, seksyen 15. I put on some baggy pants and had on a big SMKSU shirt, throw in a white tudung and slipped in my blue slippers. I looked like a maid according to mom and I so did not care. Went there and we were browsing through fish, squids and prawns. Mom launched into an intense speech on how prices are up and how they don't sell salmon (mom was planning to roast salmon for lunch)

We then made our way to the chicken stall, but the next thing I knew, the dude started to apologize to mom and I. It took me about two to three seconds to realize that the guy splat chicken POOP on us. He was cleaning the insides of the chicken and it decided to land on us. Mom did not get hit as bad as I did but she was angrier than I was. The man couldn't stop apologizing and I just started to laugh. If I were Farisa about 3 to 4 years younger, I would immediately boil into anger and disgust. I was still disgusted yesterday but I just laughed it off. It was pretty funny. The man gave me a cloth and I cleaned up at the pipes.

So I walked back with the remainings of chicken poop on me. Luckily I did put on baggy clothes or else, it might have splatted me in places I do NOT want to mention. ahahaha. We then finished our trip with mom commenting on an old lady's pants where it shows the bad side of her ass.

The day did not end so badly as in the end, I did get to eat AWESOME food. Mom barbequed salmon (which we got at Carrefour), squids, chicken, and lamb. IT WAS AN AWESOME lunch as oppose to the normal ones I have at Intec. I love mom.

- Did you know that going to buy fish with you mother is actually pretty fun? :D

did you know?

2008-05-05T20:39:00.001+08:00

I am fat.

I-Care Charity Gig

2008-04-27T11:36:00.003+08:00

So one day my cousin Aliah's boyfriend named Fay (pronounced Fai) sent me a message on Myspace containing this poster and it just so happens my cousin Along was there with me when I opened that message. Along has always been my partner in crime whenever we do decide to go to these kind of things, ie: gigs. Along jumped out and invited me to go right when she saw the poster so since I saw the names Couple, The Times and Hujan printed on the poster, I immediately agreed.

Since we have about a month before the event, I took the initiative to check out some of the bands that were going to attend there, the ones that I have not heard of. Thanks to the wonders of Myspace, these independent bands are able to promote themselves and let people hear them out. I spent hours considering all the bands and decided that I fell in love with a band called Piring Hitam. They are still new but their one song has captured my heart instantly. The others are just alright.

On that day itself, I came back from school early so I could study my Agama since I have Agama finals the very next day. Although it was really awful of me to be going out on an eve of a final paper, I really couldn't afford to miss this event. So my cousin came at about 7pm to my college and loaded her sleeping mattress in my room. Atiqah (my roommate) did not look all that happy when she found out that my cousin was sleeping over.

We went out at about 8pm and so our journey begins to Segi College. Mom called me on the way and my heart stopped as I did not exactly tell her about my little plan to go watch a gig on a Friday night. I worked my way around the telephone call and she did not find out where I was going thank God. The journey was really long and uneventful since all we've got was each other so like always, I'd tell my cousin things about my life and she'll update me about hers. Trips like these are usually the time we share things.

I admit that we got lost at one point but finally we reached Segi College around 9pm and I was so excited. We went in the huge hall (that wasn't even packed) and I was practically jumping. There were chairs in front of the hall and there were spaces at the back for people to jump and dance. My cousin and I remembered how awful it was to be squished inside the crowd so we decided to take our seats. The current band playing was The Frasa and I remembered I don't fancy them that much but they were finishing up anyway.

I distinctly remembered the hosts. They was one Black guy who sucks at being host, because he was trying TOO hard,and his partner, a Malay girl who obviously hated him and did not want to co-operate. I think the two really put down the mood to the event, and they were the hosts.

Anyway, the next band playing was Fay's band named NEWS AT 11. I was so very excited as I finally got to see Fay in person. Since their band is new too, not many people knew them so I was the only one screaming that time, cheering for them. They were pretty good, the lead singer has a nice voice, and the guitarist was quite cute. ahahah. Fay rocked the keyboard.

The rest of the night continued with more bands playing. I felt like Couple and The Times were SOOOO awesome.I missed the band Piring Hitam because we came late. The other bands were just alright. Oh Chentaku really made me dizzy as I really do not like them. But they did play a song called Polaroid (which Yunalis did a cover version of) so I only managed to enjoy that one. The OD happens to be a band from Subang Jaya and I actually know the lead singer so that was alright. But their music was NOT something I like very much. Hujan did not end up coming and Bunkface was quite alright. I did not listen to Bittersweet and Nitrus as it was already time to go back. Plus, my cousin and I were already so hungry come 12am.

Before we left, I managed to have a conversation with Fay. Turns out, he is a very shy boy. Too shy that I got a bit uncomfortable. AHHAHa. mainly because when I do talk to him online, I assumed him to be someone like me, crazy and loud. He gave me one of his band's Promo Cd for free and I love a song called Kosong so you guys check that out at their page. Then I dragged my cousin to Couple's booth and got THEIR CD! The one I've been longing for so long! I wanted to get their shirt but the only thing pretty about it is the pretty expensive price. Instead I got a small black shirt with the printed I LOVE INDIE on it. OMG! I so love it!

Then my cousin and I went to a place called Williams's to meet my cousin's boyfriend, Hazri but by that time, I was already sleeping at the stall. I woke up around 1pm with Hazri's face laughing at me. By 2pm or so, we reached Akasia and ended up sleeping in my cousin's yellow Vitara near the bus stop outside the college. It was so hot and uncomfortable but it was an experience. At around 7am we woke up and just passed the guard house back to my room to sleep properly. Few hours later, I sat for my Agama finals. Aiih.

But it was an awesome experience and PLUS I got a picture with Natazar, who is The Times lead singer. OMG! I LOVE HIM!

- I Love Indie. :)

chapters

2008-04-26T16:18:00.001+08:00

You are not necessarily my favorite chapter but you are by far the most eventful one. I grew up with you and I shall always thank you for that. Too bad this chapter has ended. See you again at the end of the story yar. ;D

i'm going to a GIG

2008-04-18T18:45:00.002+08:00

It is a Friday night and I am going to a gig baby!! There will be an event called the I-Care Charity gig at Segi College in a few hours and my cousin promised to bring me there. That means tonight I will be dancing and screaming to THE TIMES, HUJAN, COUPLE to name a few. I am so excited as I just want to get away from Intec. Plus, my cousin's boyfriend's band will be performing that night so I'm hoping I get to meet him for the first time. (this is my dad's side cousin so I'm not all that close to her)

It just so happen that I will be sitting for my Pendidikan Islam finals the next afternoon but I've already studied my handouts so INSYALLAH I get to finish it on time. Besides, my college curfew is 11pm so I'd most probably come back by then or else I'd have no where else to sleep. Ouuh. I am super duper excited! I feel so rebellious going to a gig on a Friday night and an eve final paper day. ahahah. Farisa dah jahat woohh!!

On another note, after our CTU (agama) paper tomorrow that ends at 4.30pm, my classmates will be celebrating Rashid's birthday at SACC mall. Supposedly it's a surprise so lets just hope it turns out the way the boys are planning it. I am excited for that especially when I would give his presents. I got him 3 of the most ridiculous gifts wrapped in a pack. I bought him Sin Chan stickers, a few kiddie erasers and those chocolate bars with FUNKY kiddie pictures that we used to love during our children days. I hope he likes them.

On to Saturday night, my college is having an inter-block BBQ night and apparently, they have requested that Fiqa and I perform for them. I am not as excited about eating the stuff than me performing but since many people are going to be there, I hope it'll be fun. Too bad it's just girls though or else I would have requested to perform with a certain mr. 'Prince' if you know who I mean. ;D ahahah. I'm like a little girl with a swoony crush once again. Except, I'm not hoping for this crush to go anywhere. I've learnt my lesson with boys.

Oh well. That is it for me for now. I'm gonna go get a life now. With THE TIMES and COUPLE!

- selamat tinggal dunia.

boyfriend

2008-04-13T21:13:00.002+08:00

I want a boyfriend.

Not because I am weak.

Not because I am mengada.

Not because I am gedik.

And definitely not because I am desperate.

I want a boyfriend because I need to hear somebody say "She doesn't hate you lah. She's just jealous of you." instead of getting the same old "Perasanlah you, she doesn't hate you. God! you're so emotional."

It does make a difference.

- God. the girl who just sat next to me smells.

meme

2008-04-06T13:02:00.004+08:00

Meme-ing this simply because Atikah tagged me.

1. I am getting fatter by the minute.

And this time I am not exagurating. I eat all the time and is slowly having no guilt whatsoever. I'd sneak a few biscuits into my mouth during first period. Then during my first 10 minutes break, I would drag my friends to the cafe to have breakfast. Then in my second period, I'd sneak in a few sweets/candies (but usually this is to stop me from sleeping). Then I'd have my lunch with a plate of rice before buying more sweets to eat during third period. Then I would go back in the evening and consume way too many junk food before dinner time. In which after that, I would study with a basket full of more junk food. Yeap. Food is love. I do not eat a lot at one time, I just eat little proportions of everything, many times.

2. I only have ONE bright coloured bra.

I am serious. I have 5 pairs of ugly shade of blue coloured bras that are similar. I buy many of those because that one is most comfortable on me. I only have one pair of bright yellow polka-dotted bra that my mom bought for me without my consent. Although the design is pretty, I do no particularly favor it because I do not find it that comfortable. So I do not wear it. The rest of my other bras are black in colour.

3. I keep to myself a lot.

Which if you see, is actually hipocracy. Because I have always believed that whenever you have a problem, share it with someone. Although they might not be able to do anything, at least you're not carrying the weight alone. But, somehow now, I just keep things to myself and cry alone. I just feel like even if I tell someone about what I am going through, there is nothing that they can do about it, but instead, I'd just burden them with more things to worry about. They have their own troubles to deal with so what iss the point in having mine. Plus, whatever they say, it might just be for the sake of saying it, things won't change. Sigh.

4. I need to pee.

At this very minute. So excuse me.

5. I have a tendency to loose my handphones and my current handphone is almost fully KAW-ED.

Yes. I have lost 2 of my favourite handphones. Consecutively. One was a Motorola Razor that mom got from her vendor and gave to me somewhere around September of 2005 and I lost it during our holiday trip to Sabah somewhere in May the next year. We were at the airport and I took it out during the time when we had to scan every single piece of belonging we had. I mispalced it and turned back to look for it except it was too late. And it was 40 minutes to boarding time so there was no time to go look for it. I was crying in the airplane. But it was lucky of me since it was nearing my birthday so mom and dad got me an LG flip phone to replace it. Which I so happen to loose exactly one year later during my trip to the premier of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollow. It was with me the whole trip and when I was on the KTM ride back, it was gone. I remember keeping it in the front pocket of my handbag. I guess it was pickpocketed out. And my current RM300 Motorola phone just WON'T go missing so I have been stuck with it for almsot a year now.

6. I have only 5 interesting things about me.

And one was about me peeing. Yes. I am that boring.

- sugar sugar how did you get so FLLYYY?!?!?

musicial interpretation

2008-04-05T12:17:00.002+08:00

I am putting the blame on Atikah. She has introduced me to Yunalis and I am now addicted to the musical genius that is her. I've downloaded a few of her songs and am currently studying it because her kind of songs are the kind I would love to write. And because of this obsession, I composed a song similar to her genre. It is not done.

Check out my favourite song of hers.

DAN SEBENARNYA

On a different note, you people know how Encik Faza has influenced me? Well, check this out. It is a skit from the band Butterfingers, with their latest song 1000tahun. Note: Rikhail Win Dzar = Encik Monoloque yang menawan hati. :)

BERITA BUTTERS

- Check out more of them.

first week of April

2008-04-02T18:30:00.003+08:00

It is a Thursday today. Times goes so fast ain't it? I so remember packing up my bags to come back to Akasia for the week and now, come tomorrow, it is time to repack and go home. That is my cycle of life.

I need some excitement in life. I know I said I loved the fact that things go the same way. Well, that was before. Now I just wish I was somewhere else doing something else. Kind of.

There are many things in life that I should be grateful for. I have had a conversation with Encik Rashid, a fellow classmate of mine, and he has opened up my eyes to many things. Religiously especially. I now know that just by combing your hair backwards, then have it middle parted, that I am already practising a Sunnah nabi. Meaning if I niat for it, I will get pahala JUST LIKE THAT. Isn't it interesting? I also learned that Rasulullah's favourite colours are red, green and white and if I wear any piece of those colours, I will get pahala (with the condition that I niat it because I want to follow prophet Muhammad).

Allah Maha Pengasih, Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.

It is so very simple to score pahala actually, in everyday life. Just by waking up with a bismillah, smiling when you pass someone, greet them with Assalamualaikum, eating with your right hand, picking up the pencil for someone, turn off the lights when you're done. Indirectly, whether we realize it or not, we are practising Islam and getting pahala just like that. It is simple to get pahala, its just that human find it hard to practise it when they know they have to.

I have an accounts quiz tomorrow, followed by a Maths test the next day. My tummy is grumbling, my back is aching and my hair is taking the form of disgustingly ugly barb wires. I feel like I need time for myself. I need a long bubble bath with soothing music in a yellow lighted bathroom with a good book (Growing Up in Trengganu in mind). Or have myself in the room alone singing, jumping and dancing to my favourite songs, or simply be on my bed, with my guitar strumming a perfect song away, maybe even write one. I long for the feeling of being free and letting go.

Have made friends with a few new people. They are not new but the relationships are. The other day, I had to meet the president of my CULTURAL club (which I am the naib secretary to) and dreaded it way too much since I am not a particular fan of her, vice versa. But that night, she was doing her architecture project at the study room, and she was accompanied by the Naib President of the club whom I can still make conversations with. And what do you know, when I met the two, I decided to stay a while for a chat and I ended up laughing and joking with them till up to TWO hours. They really gave me a break from my normal circle of friends, and I needed that. It was a good night. I got to know many things from them.

Sigh. I really need to see my old friends again. Because I know they will be the one reminding me that I am good enough as a person and I can be myself. I need a break from life.

But all in all, I am so very thankful of what God has given me. I am not physically defected except probably for my fat thighs (:P) and I am able to do the Australian Matriculation program even without a scholarship, I have two healthy parents and I live in a country where Muslims are the majority, food are mostly halal and there is no war. What can be better than that?!

ALHAMDULILLAH

Oooh! Buka puasa time is soon. I am still a total virgin with my Cash Budget which I need to totally strip for my Accounts test tomorrow. So I am going to go now.

- does anyone know who Myra is? ahahah.

dan sebenarnya

2008-03-31T19:17:00.001+08:00

I'm waiting on the world to change! but so far, it's going better than it has been these past few weeks. I am fat once again! and I need a life. :(

I still miss Encik Faza :(

- dan sebenarnya

2008-03-20T17:32:00.002+08:00

Here I am agian. Staring at the same four walls. I feel much too guilty to not do my homework. But my mind is too caught up to start. Caught up with what I am not exactly sure myself. But I know it is not leaving anytime soon and that is potentially very troublesome.

I am flat on my bed right now at home. Here I am for my four days mid term holiday. One day is gone and another will end way too soon yet I have had no improvements on my homework or my plan to work out. I am merely a mushroom growing slowly and lazily. Doing exactly nothing.

I am bored with my current life now. It feels as though I have nothing to look forward to. It is as if I wake up everyday convincing myself to get through it, all the while wishing it would be over soon so I can retire back to sleep. Because sleep is the time I get to run away from everything. Sleep is the time God gives me the chance to be someone else. In my dreams. Where I can lead a different life than what I have now. Because apparently, what I have now is not something I particularly like. Sigh..

I have been having some troubles with my friends here in Intec. I feel as though I am being pushed away by them. They still talk to me of course but I feel as if I am less and less apart of them now. I do not understand why but I wish it to be over soon. I am just scared that it would take a toll on my studies. And that is the last thing I would want to happen.

I have always wondered why I am designed this way. In such a way that I care so much about what people perceive of me. I feel as if I tend to change or restrict myself according to what people think and see of me because only then do I get to fit in and please them, be exactly who they want me to be. I remind myself everyday that I am not someone who can be easily persuaded and altered by what people think of me, but in reality, I am only lying to myself. I so very care. I care too much that it is the reason I cry to sleep every night and start my days with a big sigh.

Due to my friends acting coolly around me, I have extracted quite a relationship with a boy in my class named Adam. He listens to me and entertain my rants whenever I need to do just that. I appreciate that. But I need my girlfriends. But I have to tell myself that what everyone says is true, it is hard to find true friends now. So I am alone and have to be fine with it.

Sat for my maths first test the other day. I guess I didn't do that badly but I know I could do better. Had my Accounts quiz but surprisingly that one sucked. I have a big Economics presentation soon. Haven't started anything. Will die.

Am entering a music competition on Monday named THE WORLD IDOL. It is organised by a bunch of American Degree Program students. Not really hoping to win but am just playing for a friend of mine who had asked me to play the guitar for her. And out of all the songs we are to play, she chose KISS ME. It was a simple decision for me to make as I know that song front back and centre.

Wish me luck for my coming days.

- I miss Encik Faza :(

election Day

2008-03-08T09:27:00.000+08:00

TODAY IS ELECTION DAY!!!

I got my dad to agree to bring me. Oh crap! I just realized it 9.30am. My tuition starts at 10.00am.

FUCK.

I won't be able to go.

FUCK.

- so much for that1. :(

quick update

2008-02-27T21:43:00.002+08:00

OMG! I am cracking my brain in figuring out ways to do my Malay Studies presentation here. We are already given about 4 weeks now to do our presentation but as me being, well, me, I procrastinated. Now I am battling my sleepy eyes to finish this thing.

I am to talk about the Culture and Concept of a Hero in the society. I have no idea as to what approach I want to go through but I know I have to cook soemthing up fast. I am to present in 2 days.

I thought of comparing western and asian heroes and extract the characteristics of them to. The differences and similarities and all. The presentation will be about 10 minutes anyway, so I am really adamant about just finishing it up and expand it to 10 minutes. I am screwed.

I am said to prsent this Friday when tomorrow is Thursday and I haven't started ONE SHIT. And my war with my sleepiness doens't look all tha good either. Our Malay Studies teacher is known to talk a lot so I am hoping she would talk herself away till I have to postpone my presentation until AT LEAST next Wednesday.

- crossed fingers.

-

2008-02-23T02:40:00.000+08:00

"I never disrespect the way u think"

- seribu satu makna.

whats the opposite of insonmia?

2008-02-22T23:51:00.000+08:00

I just woke up from a really long nap. A somewhat unplanned nap at that. It is indeed a Friday today but I find that as a pathetic excuse for my recent addiction to sleep. It has been a short day, as all of my Fridays, as classes ended at 12noon. We had our usual Friday lunch at the Cemara cafe before retiring back to our hostels for the much needed weekend rest. Hazra and I have planned to reconstruct our Agama presentation to be more well mannered than it is since we are to present it on Tuesday. Yet, the minute I sat myself for the project, my head grew heavy with the thought of sleep. I succumbed to the monstrous weakness and told Hazra I were to do my part after indulging myself in a 2 hours nap. She agreed.

I was not sure what happened next but I vaguely remember being woken up by Hazra, then I slept again. Then I remember Atiqah waking me up asking me when I will be going back home, I answered groggily and slept again, and also a moment where Hazra came in the room to say goodbye to me as she was ready to go home. Lastly, I was woken up by Atiqah with the question "Sasha, you dah sembahyang Asar ke belum?". I groaned and thought, "Apa Atiqah nih! Baru pukul 3.30pm nak sembahyang Asar apa!?". Although so, I kept that thought to myself and woke up to find that it was already half an hour to 7pm. I gasped and moaned and rushed to the toilet for my Asar prayers. I wouldn't want to miss it like how I missed my Zohor to my ridiculously long nap.

I have had a four hours nap and feel very guilty. I scolded myself for sleeping so much as I promised myself to get at least some homework done by the time Friday ends. And I know how lazy I can get by the time I get back to Subang Jaya. Yet that didn't make me feel as guilty as I did when I thought about the amount of sleep I have already gotten the night before. Observe.

20th February : slept at 3.30am

21st February : woke up at 6.30am
-----------------------
3 hours
-----------------------

: slept at 11.00pm

22nd February : woke up at 6.00am
-----------------------
7 hours
-----------------------

: slept at 2.40pm

: woke up at 6.40pm
-----------------------
4 hours
-----------------------

This would mean that in the course of the past 48 hours, I have slept for at last 14 hours which would make that 30% of my 2 days. That is a somewhat big increase to my usual 18% (9 hours) of usual sleeping hours in 2 days. That would mean I have wasted a rough amount of 12% of my 2 days, which when you respectively divide it to one day, means I have wasted an extra 6% of my day to sleep. To put in terms of hours, I have spent a respectful amount of 1 hour and 44 minutes to my day for sleep as oppose to studying or finishing my homework. So that makes a rough 3 hours and 20 minutes wasted when you combine two days. 3 hours and 20 minutes of extra sleep is NOT what I need here in Intec.

Ahhh. Not only that, I believe that my body functions quite differently than that of a normal person. This is because, whenever I have insufficient sleep, this ranging from 3 hours to 5 hours, my body will (not neccessarily feel fresh) but it will be able to function normally, my brain will still be able to think. But when I get excessive sleep, this ranging from 7 hours to more, I will feel sleepy, tired and lazy. So that is why I never really bothered myself with the thought of sleeping early for the sake of getting enough sleep. My body just do not work that way.

So I bet you when I do get back home tonight, I shall be sleepier and tired-er than I would have been on my normal days. And this because I gotten a lot of rest. Sigh. Ain't life screwy?

- I think my 3 days worth of losing fats to puasa has gone up the drain :(

right now and back then.

2008-02-17T00:11:00.000+08:00

inspired by miss Munira a.k.a. moon. :)

Television. Used to love television and day soap operas (ie: Bold and Beautiful believe it or not). Now. Don't even watch Tv.

Radio. Not my thing. I download. I listen. Full stop.

Music. Was into girl bands and Hilary Duff. Now. Playlist consists of Independent Bands and Mr. M o n o l o q u e. Still a fan of Hilary Duff though. :D

Magazines. Was an avid reader of tabloids. US tabloids at that. God those wasted money. Could have spent it on some FINE food.

Make up. Not my thing. Never my thing. Don't see the need unless I see an eyeliner lying around. I restrict myself to compact powders.

Baju Kurung. Yeah, used to be the definition of a Kampung Girl. Now I wear it every week. Everyone will just grow out of hating them.

Hanging out in malls. Ahahah. Mall trips used to be so, eventful and anticipated. Where movies and bowling are well planned outings. My lepak place now is at mamak with limau ais.

Emotional. My life was never depressing. I just seemed to like to think so. Oh God. High school.

Confidence. Had a ton of them. Now I have a shit load of them.

Past time. Was having long conversations on the phone and tuning in to reality tv shows. Now I glue myself to the internet, dance myself away to good songs and occasionally read a book.

Food. Was Nando's. Still Nando's.

Mind set. Brothers are a pain and everyone is against me. Now. Brothers are good to bully when you're bored and everyone goes through their own problem and have their own faults for you to judge them.

Home. A place to eat and sleep for free. Now. A getaway. A comfort zone. Relaxation.

Farhana Roslan. Was the exact definition of URGH. Now, a dear friend that never was.

Shahrul Iman. Used to be hot hunky delicious long term boyfriend. Now. A hot hunky friend I occasionally sms.

Sensitivity. Had a lot of them. Still very sensitive.

Level of tolerance with life. Never had them. Now am content with what I have and what I don't.

Myself. Used to think highly of myself. Now. Know my faults, strengths and weaknesses. Love myself.

Life. Used to be high school. Now. College. Maturity. Happy.

- are you the same person now and then? ;D

farisa binti roslan version 2008

2008-02-16T18:02:00.003+08:00

I have designed myself a new principle. And that is not to feel. Because when I don't feel, I won't expect. With no expectations, comes no fall. And by not falling, I won't get hurt. Wouldn't it work best that way?

It has been about 5 weeks that I return to Intec. I love second semester I do. I think coming to INtec have made me grown so much. Of course that is expected, but I can actually feel it. I am not that spur of the moment, do what I want when I want kind of girl anymore. Mind you, I am still loud, and annoying at times, but I feel like I am much more aware of my surroundings now. And I love the feeling of caring.

I don't deny that second semester is harder. Weirder teachers. Longer hours. Heavier books. But there are good things that comes with second semester. Like familiarity. Closeness. Understanding. Much more.

Days in Intec are still very scheduled. Waking up at 6.30am for prayers, and cold showers at 7am. By 7.45am we'll be rushing to catch the bus which usually will be accompanied by a string of students lining up for the bus. Class starts at 8am and it'll be 2 hours before my classmates and I would go for our 10 minutes breakfast. Another two hours of class before we once again go the cafe to pack our lunch. By 1.30pm we will gather to have lunch and perform our Zohor prayers. Another 2 hours of class before we get to go back to our respected colleges. By then Hazra and I would usually stop by at the library, get some work done and by 6pm, take the bus home, buy dinner and occupy ourselves with homework or revising by 9pm. That is everyday.

I know it sounds so very MONOTONOUS and repetitive. But weird enough, thats the way I like it. I love familiarity. I look forward to school everyday knowing I will be meeting the same people. And that the only things that would differ today from yesterday are our classes, and the things the 16 of us do. I like laughing at yesterday's jokes and make new comments today for me to remember tomorrow. I love being in my class. I love these 15 people. I love Intec.

Other than that, I suppose my life is the same. I think clearer now though. And I have taken up reading politics. Weird I know. I shocked myself as well. Yes, you might think "NIH SAH INFLUENCE ENCIK FAZA TUH". and it is true. I admit. It is his influence. He opened my eyes to many things. He made me read. He made me care. He made me know. I owe him that.

I am changed. Right now, I feel much more mature. I think clearer. I think of the things I say before saying it because now I think of the consequences. I am much more confident of who I am now. You guys might think I am full of confidence back in high school, but I wasn't. There are things that I held back that time. I did not know it myself, until I came to Intec when I was given the chance to start fresh. I went to a place where NO ONE knows who I am so I get to design my own personality. Throw away the things I do not want, push away my inferiorities, and give the impression that I am actually confident. And in doing so, I really got to be the person I want to be. I am the person I want to be right here right now. I do wish I am less sensitive though. That one comes with maturity. Not everything can go perfectly right?

I miss Atikah. I really do. I managed to see almost all my friends last break. Everyone but her. I spent time with Miza and Gg one night during my Chinese New Year break. I apologize but I was very scared that night because I was afraid that we would not be as comfortable with each other as we used to. I mean, how can I not feel that. We don't spend half of our month with each other. In fact, we see each other only at least once a month, and that is if we are lucky. There was bound to be something different.

I am saying this because I know during my enrollment in College, I HAVE CHANGED. A LOT. And I am sure they would have to. We have been good friends because our personalities matched us. But with different perceptions, thinking and experiences, can we really be like how we were back then? It did not however become weird. I admit I believe that my 2 friends have some differences in them, but its the things I can still bare with. And I am still able to understand them and match it with the person I am now. I am glad. I don't know how they feel though.

So I apologize for those people who might not like me now, but I do. Now, I am Farisa binti Roslan, loud, confident, reads politics, speaks Bahasa Melayu and proud of it, loves my heritage and love my country Malaysia. I am mature, I try to not hold on to so much things, still very obsessive but have better control of what I do, and I read. I care. I love.

I am just the person I want to be.

- kamu taknak saya, dipersilakan lompat tingkp. kalau masih sayangkan saya, jom pergi minum teh tarik. saya kat Shah Alam saja. :p

Hapus Aku - Nidji

2008-02-16T11:42:00.000+08:00

this song is now.

- biarkan waktu, hapus aku.

Setiap Kali - Farisa binti Roslan

2008-02-04T19:40:00.000+08:00

Thought I'd try my hands on writing and composing a Malay song. Alhamdulillah this is what I got. Inspiration by the song Tentang Kita - Couple. chords by Encik Faza. Terima kasih beribu juta.

Setiap Kali

G Bm
perakam suara ku dimain lagi
Am D
belum jemu melayan kerenah hati
G Bm
dapatkahku melawan perasaan ini
Am D
menentang agar tidak dapat kembali

izinkan aku membina mesin waktu
supaya kembali pada masa dulu
dapat ku menasihatkan pada diriku
supaya jangan skali terpikat padamu

G Em Am
kerna aku tak mampu menatang rasa
sedih segan pilu pada setiap masa
aku rasa diriku seperti/bagai merana
namun tak dapat ku menafikannya
mungkin bila tiap kali ku berada di sisi mu
kakiku jadi beku sama seperti mulutku
aku sukakan mu

G Bm
sampai sini saja tahap toleransiku
Am D
itu sebab ku duduk menulis lagu
cepat lah cepat hilangkan rasa ragu
dengan ini aku pun tunduk merayu

suka suka suka suka
jangan perlu layan duka
suka suka suka suka
engkau lah yang rawat lukaaaaaaa

- you and I both know ;D

the definition of PROUD

2008-02-04T15:15:00.000+08:00

Resah - Nitrus [the same band that sang Hujung Dunia: soundtrack of Goodbye Boys]

at the very first moment I watched this video clip, I felt it. That feeling. PROUD. yes. that is exactly the word to describe what I feel about this video. I am proud because at that moment, I realized that Malaysia has produced a good quality video clip.

I know it might not be so very original with the crowd walking backwards and all. But look at it. They actually made Kuala Lumpur looks awesome. It really has class and the quality of the picture is awesome.

I often believed/complained that Malaysian producers/artists have awful video clips because :

1. Solo female artists [Siti Nurhaliza, Mischa Omar, Erra Fazira] - their video clips would be about them being dressed in some fancy kebaya or sorts with plush hair singing so called passionately under a tree.

2. Bands/Rock singers [Adam AF, Tomok, Kromok and whatever there is out there] - their video clips would be about them being in the middle while having some cheesy so called effects at the back which actually seriously make them look lamer than they are.

3. Solo male artists [Mawi, Anuar Zain, Ferhad, Zaid AF] - Oh god, it'll be about them singing in some so called hot clothing in the mountains or sorts looking totally like they are totally feeling it while singing.

I mean, there are the random cases of Too Phat dulu which I suppose, we can say their video clips are acceptable. But this one actually sent me on the verge of tears.

I asked my uncle once, why do the Malay movies or dramas always looked like they are taken by non-professionals. Because the quality of the video makes the picture look so, sharp and uhhh... I don't have the word for it. As compared to videos/movies of the other countries, it'll look somewhat mystical and not as sharp. I do not know how to explain it really. I guess for those of you who does understand me would know. My uncle told me that there are a certain kind of film that they used, expensive but good quality. And according to him, Malaysians are just not into spending that much so they settled with trying to make the best with the cheap ones.

And by looking at this video, I give TWO THUMBS UP to the producer because they are brave enough to invest on the good quality film and make the video clip looks very upscale. It looks like it has soo much quality in it. I know there is always room for improvement. Like I couldn't tell if some of the shots are made with effects or simply people purposely walking backwards. But it's good. It shows that Malaysia music industry is really improving. I am so very proud.

Speaking of improvements in the music industry, I recently just got myself into these local music background scenes. I thought I might share some of my favourites. Also, check out the collaboration from these independent bands from Malaysia called SUPPORT OUR LOCAL ACTS / SOLA.

THE TIMES

WHITE SHOES AND THE COUPLES COMPANY

COUPLE

HUJAN

- I kept thinking about Atikah the whole time I wrote this post.

Mat Saleh Celup

2008-02-04T00:47:00.000+08:00

ahahahaha. this is so funny. I was so lame. and definitely was very sombong. at least I know I wasn't cheap. I remember guy number one. Afdhal perhaps his name. I still remember he was tall and has spiky hair. Yeap. Those were the days. Ahahah. He must think I'm such a stuck up Mat Saleh Celup. :\

history

- I think I was :(

Tentang Kita - Couple

2008-01-26T00:45:00.000+08:00

teman emotionalism. saya suka lagu-lagu hippie. tentang cinta, sudah tiada maknanya. saya pelik saya tahu tapi saya tetap saya. banyak benda dalam fikiran/minda/hati/otak/akal/perasaan/penilaian/harapan/impian/dendam saya. kamu tidak mungkin faham. kerana semua, sudah tiada ertinya. tentang cinta, sudah tiada maknanya. tentang kita, elok dilupakan semua.

saya nak terbang. bukan ke Australia. tetapi ke langit. ke alam mana kita tiada masalah, perasaan atau expectations. saya nak bebas. saya suka bebas. saya suka bahagia dalam kebebasan.

dimana kaca yg bersepihan?
biar aku pijakkan
dimana taufan yg bertiupan?
biar aku tadahkan

kerna semua sudah tiada ertinya
tentang cinta sudah tiada mkna
tntang kita elok dilupakan semua
haaaaa...

dimana laut yg brgelora?
kan kuredah semua
dmana letaknya cinta kita?
kan kupijak semua

kerna semua sudah tiada ertinya
tentang cinta sudah tiada ertinya
tentang kita elok dlupakan semua

- jaga benar gambarku dalam telefon bimbitmu. jangan pernah sekali kau buang. saya suka lirik ini. lain dan bermakna.

tentang cinta, sudah tiada makna

2008-01-26T00:37:00.000+08:00

I am seriously so very jealous. Jealous to the point that I want to just scream. I am so jealous. I am jealous. ITS NOT FAIR!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!

I want a song written for me. I want 10 minutes phone checks. I want roti jalas with the family. I want hugs and forehead kisses. I want words of comforts. I want to be in the car for a whole day talking and driving around, going to uptown getting food in the afternoon and go to taman at night to be cuddled under the stars. I want that familiar warm and fuzzy feeling. I want that familiar feeling of love.

It is not the same.

I want my own Airil.

- aku kan terus menunggu

saya punya update

2008-01-24T22:46:00.001+08:00

wow. what a week it has been. technically it is only Thursday night. I have one more day to go to school before having my 2 days weekend. Been doing loads of studying/ and the shitload of homework. But somehow, I am happy. Tired. Stressed. But happy.

Last week has been a total bad week for me. But this week makes it up. Will blog about it later.

Wow Intec is really stressing me out.

Spoke to Aiman last night. He called me. It was fun to catch up with him. Cikgu Zamzuri called me too. Wanting to catch up. That was a bit of a shocker but hey, getting to hang out with Miza/Diana/Aiman and Shahrul Iman anytime would be awesome. Looking forward for that.

Haven't been talking about Faza as much anymore. Do not know what that means but hey, I am not that EMOTIONAL wreck of a person anymore. I'm glad for that.

I seriously need to go on a diet. And hell, I need to save up my money. Adduuhhh.

The much loved White Shoes and the Couples Company has been my faithful companion during my week of emotional-ism. Garh.

Must go soon. Need to go back to the room and do some studying. Yes, my life is about nothing else. But somehow, I am alright with it.

Aduuuh. many more things to talk about. will do full report when I can.

Love.

MUST OFFICIALLY SAY GOODBYE TO MY SAYANG FARHAH!!!! who will be leaving tomorrow morning. she doesn't know it yet but I'm gonna call her tonight ;D

- current book : Concept of a Hero in Malay Society. (hah! bet you didn't expect THAT!! ;D)

Romantis - The Times

2008-01-20T15:13:00.001+08:00

Lyrics :

Pabila dua remaja,
Berkenalan bertentang mata,
Manis nya kucupan manja, pertama
Kali di rasa.

Bulan bintang,
Menjadi saksi keindahan
Warna pelangi,
Sayang ku
Cuma membasah bumi,
Udara semua terusik..

Hei gadis sunggoh romantis
Coba hembuskan wajah ku ini,
Hei gadis cantik menarik
Usah biarkan aku tertagih,

Dahaga kasih mu..

- Muhammad Faza gave me this song. It might mean something ;D

Malaysia in my Point of View

2008-01-20T15:11:00.000+08:00

I just read the newspaper while eating my dinner a few minutes ago. What is to come of this world I tell you. I have only managed to get a few pages done before finishing my dinner and soon will continue more reading. I thought of resting for a while.

There was a story of a dead teen who is suspected to have fallen from the level two school building not by accident but by foul play. This suspicion is based on the belief that the kid has been wanting to quit school due to the constant bullying he has been getting at school.

What shit is this as kids are dying at school and by what? Bullying. This is ridiculous. There is no place safe anymore.

Speaking of no safe place, what about the recent kidnapping of a little girl named Sharlinie Mohd Nashar. Another similar incident to the much familiar nation wide news case of little Nurin Jazlin Jazimin. Little Sharlinie has yet been found. I dare not say that much as I am not an avid reader of the newspaper so I admit to not be completely familiar with what is going on, or am I reading any constant updates on the news.

But I just read the two reports from Star Online reporting on both the kidnapping case of the two girls, and I found something that is similar. Both girls were reported to have a medical condition, that needs medicinal attention and that both dads plead for them to come back saying that their little girls need to take those medicines. What is that!!? Does these kidnappers just have a thing about little girls at the age 5-8 who is sick?

The whole idea sickens me.

I will try to read constant follow-ups to the story of little Sharlinie and pray that she will be returned safe and sound very soon. Kesian little Nurin and I hope nothing of the sorts happen to any other girls. or Boys for that matter. GOD THESE KIDNAPPERS. Go fuck yourself and die!

I also read that the general election is just around the corner. Its been reported that the Barisan National leaders and representatives are getting ready and hyped about the coming 2008 election that is suspected to happen somewhere in March. Schools for elections are already being booked and such.

Wow. I am quite excited about this coming election. Why you ask because it is not as if I could vote anyway right? Well, I remember clearly when I was in form 3 or form 4, I was walking home from school with Shahir and Shafiq and we were surrounded with posters of people running for the, if I recall correctly the term is MP, of Subang Jaya, Selangor. I remember the three of us were making fun of their faces and how funny they looked. I remember that feeling of not knowing what really is going on. I mean I knew there was to be an election soon but that is basically as far as how much I was concerned. I knew I was not to be in on it so I neglected myself with any explanations or news about it.

Come to think about it, I was very ignorant about anything that happened in the world, Malaysia or even Selangor. My life just revolved around me, school, friends and teenage angst. God. That is why I am excited now. Because now that I have grown up, now that I actually read the newspaper, I am more aware and concern about what is to come to this country of mine (I admit, Encik Faza also helped me to feeling this way). I am excited because now I am able to actually know how the whole election process goes, what are the available parties, and would actually know who and why I support in the election. Especially the one that will represent my area. I am excited.

I was thinking about the supposed corruptions that has been going on through out the previous elections here in Malaysia. Note, my knowledge of such things are so very limited so please correct me if I am wrong. Encik Faza has accounted me the story of a demonstration in Kuala Lumpur, 10th of November of last year (2007) by a large group of people that demanded for a fair and clean election as oppose to the ones before it that was said to be unjust. These group of people supports a cause called BERSIH by promoting and demanding a fair election. They even have their very own shirts and propose that anyone who agrees with them and also support the cause, to put on something yellow on every Saturday, so indirectly, we know that the people of Malaysia CARES for a fair election.

I am not completely sure about the number of people that followed the demonstration but I know there were a lot. As far as I know, the large group of people was determined to go straight to the king so to demand a fair election. I am not sure if they were successful so I will get back to you on that, but I knew the police did show up and some people were beaten by the policemen and were put in ISA and most of them were sprayed by pepper spray or sorts. For an idea of how it was, READ or WATCH.

So based on this little piece of information that was forwarded to me, I now know that this country has actually been running under many corruptions and is so very dissatisfied with the fact that people are so ridiculously stupid and fucked up. I mean, I have always kind of known that there are corruptions in this world but God, when the circumstance is shoved under my nose, or being played in front of my eyes, I feel so.. upset. What is to come of the system? I mean, what is the point of even having an election, what is the point of even asking the people to cast votes for their choice if in the end, we already know who is going to win ANYWAY. This. just. sucks.

Realistically, we know that even with BERSIH and anti corruption forces out there who are trying to keep a fair and clean election, that there will still be a degree of corruption in the upcoming election. And that exact thought is what is making me so sick. What is the point exactly? WHAT IS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT!?!? You know what I think? I think that they do the election just so they make the people feel that they are still somewhat in control of what happens in Malaysia. But come freaking on! The whole election is probably even organised by the government, so the chance of any misleading or untrue acts, could happen in a blink of an eye. Sick.

Also, I just also discovered that our local newspaper and such are being controlled and filtered by the government. So basically whatever is said or reported in there are pro-government. What happened to freedom of speech!? What happened to giving out the truth and the people deserve to know!? What about the people's right. Oh God. Sick.

I somehow believe that this election is going to be a waste of time as we basically know who will be the winner at the end. I asked mom and dad what is their take on this whole thing? I mean almost everyone knows that the election is corrupted anyway. So whats the whole bloody point really. Dad just laughed and said that that is how it is and all we can do is.. well basically nothing. Mom however agreed that she totally disagrees about the whole corruption and sorts, but she also told me something that got me thinking. This might sound somewhat racial but we don't really want a non-Malay to rule this country do we? I mean I am all out for supporting fair multi-racial rights but I suppose I do not really want this country to be ruled by a non-Malay. I still feel that.

But again, that is no excuse for anyone to get all shitty in elections. Just win the fair way la. Do things properly, get people's interest and you'll get the votes. BODOH is the proper term for everything.

I once asked dad if I could support the cause of BERSIH. Surprisingly, Dad gave me his consent. But although so, Dad reminded me that if I am ever caught supporting it by the government, I can kiss my future in Australia goodbye. That got me a bit scared. But I look up to Faza and his friends because they are strong in supporting Bersih. They even have the shirts : picture one : picture two :(I was offered one but I was scared to accept) and wear them freely. They told me that they are not scared for standing up for what is right. I very much look up to them for that. I do my part in supporting by wearing yellow for every consecutive Saturdays.

Sigh. It is all no worth it. In the end, it will all be the same. God help us.

I can't wait to see what happens in the upcoming election. :D

- You gotta LOVE the internet. it is so VERY useful.

day one, semester two.

2008-01-10T17:02:00.000+08:00

And it's back to waking up at 6.30am and having cold showers at 7 in the morning. That is life in Intec. I woke up for my Subuh prayers and waited for my turn for the bathroom. Got ready for school early because we wanted to make sure we got good seats in class. Mira offered a ride in her car so we waited for a while and that made us a little late. We rushed to the classroom to find that we are one for the last ones to arrive.

My usual spot in front of class was replaced by somebody else and so did the whole front row. And Rashid also reserved the second row for Faza, Adam and Syam which I thought was very unfair. I was either to sit at the end of row one, or in the middle of row three. I was very unsatisfied and started to make a commotion. When the three boys came, they gave in to us and let Hazra and I sit in the second row while they took third. They were very nice boys. So although I was not in the middle of the first row like how I wanted to be, I got to sit in the middle of the 2nd row, which I guess is acceptable as oppose to the third row.

First row: Iman, Mira, PeiYi, Kk, Gash, Min, Ezzi and Ayin.
Second row : Hazra, Sasha
Third row : Adam, Syam, Faza, Rashid, Haq, Chin

Now, you see, we feel there is a problem with being the only 2 people in the 2nd row so we persuaded Min, Ezzi and Ayin to join us and they agreed at last. It end up being okay as I got to sit next to Hazra, in the middle of the class, and the better part was that Faza's place is right behind me. ;D

Our first class was with Mr. Kesh. He started with introducing himself and gave us a pop quiz of last year's syllables. I was glad I still remember a thing or two about what economic is but the answers I gave was most probably unrelated. :\ He then picked on me to answer a question before launching the class into a revision on what we learn last semester. He was fun/funny/intimidating and scary all at once.

After class we went to get some breakfast at the cafe. Iman, Hazra, Mira and I bonded like how we did last time laughed and joked around while Hazra and I munched on the much loved chocolate waffles.

Next was supposed to be maths but the teacher was not in so more than half of my classmates (including me mind you) parked ourselves in the new big library for about one and a half hour. Some read a book, some was chatting and talking while I was obstructing my timetable in a very artsy-fartsish way.

Half an hour to accounting class, Hazra and I went to pack food for lunch before heading to the Bendahari's office to pay my bill. We then entered the class for Accounts. Our new teacher, Puan Rabiani, is very small. ahhahaha. She did not look very old but she speaks very confidently about her subjects. She introduced to us what we will be learning for the upcoming two semesters and how we are to be evaluated. She also told us her rules and what she expects from us and sorts. She is alright, a bit scary in my opinion, and she oftens trail off when she talks. But I suppose she's alright.

After that, we went to have our lunch. Hazra and I parked ourselves at one of the tables at the cafe to have our Nasi Ayam and catching up. (as if we don't get each other 24 hours a day) Later, Syam joined us to invite us for a movie the next day. And then Adam joined us and we launched ourselves in a conversation about his now bald head. After a while, Faza joined us (and took the only available seat left, which was next to me) and got into our conversations.

It was time for our first Malay Studies class so we waited in class for a while before we realized that we actually had to combine classes with Sydney so we rush to that class to find that everyone else were already placed and the lecturer were already talking. Due to being late, I got to sit at the very back of the class so it got real hard for me to see and hear the lecturer but I try my best. There were a few cute guys in that class especially a guy name Muhd. Faza. hehehe. Our lecturer is Puan Faridah, a chubby cute old Malay lady with red hair. ahahhaa. She seemed very friendly and she looked like she really knows her stuff. :)

Finished class and got on the bus to end up sitting next to the cute A-Level German guy named Amir (Hazra's hot eye candy) and got to chat with him for a while (I think he himself felt weird that all of a sudden, three Ausmat juniors were coming on to him. ahahha) Had nothing to do after that so I slept before Mama called to say she wants me back for Awal Muharram. So here I am.

- other people had to change classes due to the subjects they are taking, but since there is only one commerce class, we are with the same 16 people. although now, we are no longer ARABANA, but we are now called DUNEDIN :(

the year two thousand and eight :D

2008-01-01T17:02:00.000+08:00

It is infact A NEW YEAR. Today is the official first day of the year 2008. This means the ending of year 2007 and the beginning of many new things.

I have no idea if I am excited or not. I do not know what I feel actually. But I know that I know what I want for this year. I want to start many things, accomplish more things and experience old and new things.

As usual, I would spend New Year's eve with my family. So we head up to Ayah's condo at Sunway last night to wait for the clock to strike 12am to indicate the starting of a new day, a new year, a new me. We arrived quite too early so my cousin Amy and I just stayed in her room for a while talking about, well what else, boys.

After an hour or so, we got bored and joined both our mothers who were having a heated conversation of their own, out in the balcony. Although it was just an unofficial mother-daughter bonding time, I felt very comfortable and glad that the four of us were there talking about what we did. We 'reported' out new year's resolutions to our mothers and also got to share their opinions on dating and life.

More of our relatives joined us afterwards and it was all talking and laughing before we realized that it was almost time. So when I declared to take our places, everyone gathered round the 2 available balconies to get ready.

BOOOM! fireworks fired from Sunway Lagoon exactly as the clock striked 12. It was a good spot to view it form as we were able to see fireworks from Sunway Lagoon (the nearest), Kuala Lumpur, Damansara, Shah Alam and other major spots. It wasn't all that awesome as Sunway Lagoon did not fire as many, but I know I felt that rush. I felt the rush that this was it, the moment for a new beginning. I played all my resolutions in my head before my cousins and I screamed a simple, "HAPPY 2008!"

New Year's Resolutions :
1. I am to pray 5 times a day (as I am suppose to) and read more Al-Quran
2. Get over my worst habit which is Procrastination
3. Keep updating blog to preserve memories (take more pictures for keeps)

New Year's Gold :
1. Get enough TER for a scholarship to fly to Australia
2. Keep old friends and make new friends
3. Start an independent label and get it featured
4. Get a driving license and drive at least as far as Petaling Jaya

yes. you may think some are ridiculous. and you may think some are overdue. but these are it. I am listing this down to remind me constantly about what I need to accomplish. I believe I think better now and I am all geared up to make the most out of my life instead of taking it for granted like I always do. I spent the whole of the first day of year 2008 sitting at home organising files and papers. hardly a promising start.

good luck to you and wish me some too.

● I am launching my blog today. :D

a new interface. a new start.

2007-12-13T16:56:00.000+08:00

procrastination is the best word to describe what I have been doing lately. YES. This plan to start a fresh new blog with a fresh new interface has taunted me for almost 2 months now. But procrastination had a whole different plan for me. Now. I succeed.

ahh. I should have started this blog about six months ago. It would have been perfect to start a new blog on account to me starting a new life in college. I often make things sound more melodramatic than it really is but bare with me. I'm loving it.

I won't promise a constant update. heck. I actually owe almost a million posts on things that have happened to me and yet missed to write about. I suppose those memories must just stay in mind. I'm going NEW.

so I suppose starting it now is better than never right. My new interface is not completely done yet. I just got the muse to work on the new blog and suddenly, got the urge to write. I won't launch it just yet. Not until I am done fixing the loose ends of this blog. Like that horrific font they have. THATS GOING DOWN.

come pick up a glass of sprite and toast to a new start.

don't be mad my friends. I love you anyway.

- I'm waiting on the world to change.

Atikah's SLEEPOVER

2007-06-20T02:10:00.000+08:00

well technically we can't call it sleepover as, of course, we slept. But maybe we could call it.. Atikah's SleepLate?

Whatever.

Anyway, ever since we stepped foot that very first time in the hella big of an ass mansion Atikah just built all the way up in Kajang, all the far end away from all her beloved friends, although she has no choice because that's where her parents want it and all her close family are there so basically whether she likes to or not she still has to go there, but judging by the size of that house, I'd live in it even if it was all the way in Pasir Mas Kelantan.

Okay. Sidetracked.

The point is, the moment we stepped foot that very first time in that house, we immediately knew that we needed to have a sleepover. So 6 months after that, dear old Atikah finally planned a whole sleepover for us on the 7Th of June 2007. The four guests, Farisa, Diana, Miza and Gg, actually had a whole meeting just so we could plan the whole journey, night and back.

On that fateful day, we took a cab to the KTM station and was ready for the whole journey to Kajang. My memory from that is TENGAH HARI. PANAS. GENDONG BEG. KECOH. GELI.

The train to Kajang was not very packed yet we didn't manage to get seats for four but found one. We took turns sitting down and gathered around that seat while talking all the while. At one point, there was a scary twisted looking Indian guy with bad fashion sense, who didn't look all that saint, were starting to get closer to Miza than he should, and at one point, grabbed Miza at the back (macam meraba but I don't exactly know where). Miza shrieked, moved and grabbed the attention of the whole cabin while explaining to us what had happened. The fucked up part was that, when Miza shrieked, we took a look at that guy and he didn't have any kind of remorse, or HECK EVEN FREAKING AWARENESS of what he just did. Luckily the next stop was ours, we immediately made distance with that freak.

Waiting at the KL Central wasn't all that fun either. It took about 15 minutes before we boarded a more direct train to Kajang. I sat with Gg at a corner, while Miza and Diana ended up in another. We shared stories and laughs before squeezing to the next train. This time, all four of us managed to get seats close to each other. It was just plain conversations all the way.

Since we arrived about one hour earlier than we thought we would (totally the KTM'S fault) we were asked to wait at the Kajang KTM Bus Stop for Atikah for about an hour until it was 5pm, when we were supposed to reach Kajang. My memory of this part is PANAS. KEROPOK LEKOR. KOTOR. BOSAN. PANAS. PANAS. GILA.

When Atikah came, we sort of made a pack to keep silence as konon to be mad at her, but that backfired instantly. Even before she reached us, the four of us were laughing like crazy particularly a certain Gg. When we reached there, I was running around excitedly. It was exactly how I remembered it. BIG. BIG. and MORE BIG. We settled down at Atikah's room for a while when I broke my big news. After prayers, we danced a little to Miza's OTH Hallowen dance, before finding out that Atikah had NOTHING planned for us. So we ended up with 2 rounds of PICTIONARY.

This is fun fuN FUN!! Diana and I were mates, while the other 3 cupped a group. We were screaming on top of ours lungs all the way till 7pm or so. Before we started playing, I was ready with these two possibilities.

We win : I'll simply say that Diana and I are two good players.
We lose : We simply point out that we were outnumbered and the game was unfair.

Too bad the case was the latter. I still believe that Diana and I make a good Pictionary game even though we lost. Twice. Sheer Dumb Luck.

After that, we performed our prayers and got ready for our swimming session. Atikah's parents and sister left the house for their cousin's house while the 5 of the little noise makers a.k.a. US, were left at home with the maid. We had dinner outside and talked happily. Miza made sure that the 30minutes-before-pool-time-after-dinner-rule were enforced so we went to Atikah's little Tiki Hut and shared our love lives. It was rather interesting. When we realized that we exceeded the detention time, we jumped into the pool. It was just the right amount of warm.

First thing we did was play "Passing Energy". Again, Atikah determined to beat people by splashing water to their faces as so they get confused and response late enough to lose. After that we played Marco Polo. This one is fun. I got to be Marco once and it was fun funny FUN! After getting tired and pruny, we had a little photo session in the pool before getting out to sip on hot Milo.

After drying off a little, we marched upstairs to take turn for showers. After the whole hoopla, we settled in front of the living room tv upstairs, and were equipped with chocolate cake, marshmallows, and popcorn also with long strings, tape and scissors. We popped in Bring It On 3 and tried to learn how to make friendship bracelets. We picked a nice combination of brown, marron, and pink and trust me, it took us two whole movies, and 4 episodes of Friends before we could finish it. At least, Gg and I did. The three of them decided to raincheck it on account that it was getting late. At around 5.30am, we were sharing old stories back when we were in primary school. That made us a little closer than we were.

At around 6am, we were really getting very tired on a point that we were, insane. My head was spinning and screaming "SLEEP DAMMIT" while Gg's head were scewed with the word "LAUGH". I performed my Subuh and took my place on one side of the guest bed. Gg settled in on the bed in between Atikah and I while Miza and Diana took place on the floor. We were talking if Im not mistaken, before all of us dozed off with the outside sky turning bright.

Next thing I remember was that I was sneezing, had a bad ache, and a dream I don't recall was good or bad. Then I was woken up by Miza explaining the whole UITM Appeal steps on the phone. I grunted and wondered why the fuck would someone call to ask about UITM at 6am in the morning. Only to find out that outside was as shiny as it canbe, and the clock striked 11am. GREAT. It's bad enough we were sleeping late making noise, we gave an impression to Atikah's parents, that we were lazy unsopaned girls by waking up real late. This result of my mother putting that thought in me.

We freshen up and headed downstairs for breakfast. Had a good one especially because Atikah's mom joined us and was sharing with us a few tips here and there about going to college, and Islam and stuff. It was made better when she complimented us to be good friends and influence to her daughter. BANGGA SIOT!

Then we went upstairs to get ready to leave. Only before that, we camwhored the real camwhory way. We even did upside down pictures. That was why we took SOO long to get ready to leave. Everything was fine when we had our showers and packing and stuff. Atikah's sister sent us back to the KTM station Kajang and we went home from there ending a perfectly well and fun sleepover. Another chapter in our memories together.

On the train, we entertained sleepy self by playing the self titled game called "One Thing In Mind". The game goes with one person saying a word while the next person says the first thing that comes to her mind when hearing that word. We played all through the journey and had covered a very large range of.. things when we reached KTM Subang Jaya. We walked all the way to Subang Parade with heavy bags pulling us from our backs, although the Appam Balik made me feel better (crap I want Appam Balik).

We reached Parade and had heads turn to look at us. Who wouldnt attract heads if they go to a mall carrying two bags on your shoulders and such. We decided to have lunch at Nando's which was perfectly fine with me as I has been craving it. Only that we met with my mom and decided to hold my craving as I didn't want to spend anymore money than I already had. So right infront of the Nando's entrance, I bid goodbye to my friends, and walked around parade with 2 crazy heavy bags, following my mom shopping.

The sleepover was amazing fun and it's something not to be forgotten. We even got pictures and bracelets to be reminded of it. Although we never did settle with one perfect friendship song. Owh well.

- I love my friends. I love my mom.

lagun di SUNWAY

2007-05-22T12:46:00.000+08:00

It was very like me to get super over excited when I get something I really really want. It was as if it was an uncontrollable disease. It wasn't necessary a bad thing but I tend to get over over excited and it could really make unexpected things happen.

Well, on the 21st of May year 2007, that disease came to strike me again. Simply because that was the day, after all these months, that I was to go to SUNWAY LAGOON!!

(okay so I know this has been ages but I'm writing this for memories sake)

The plan was that we would meet up at Diana's place and have her dad drove us to Lagoon at around 10am. Which was exactly what happened. I was very excited so naturally I spent about 30 minutes to get ready. Except, I spent the whole morning doing nothing except getting anxious about going.

It was all very exciting when we got there. By the time we reached there, we met up with Atikah at Pyramid and made our long way to the entrance of Sunway Lagoon, all the while I was jumping and skittling through. We went to get tickets while managing to have a moment with the Lagoon Duck.

When we entered, the first thing we did was headed straight to the locker rooms and kept our belongings. After that, me being so very excited, suggested that we did the easy rides first only for them to suggest for us to go for the big Roller Coaster before the crowds become full. So off we went. Before that, we managed to stop by a caven looking hall where there was a display of replica artifacts and stones. We camwhored all the way in there.

Then we decided to ride the Ferris Wheel first on account that that was easy. It wasn't, as expected, a very thrilling or eventful ride. We managed to see the surroundings on the first round, and at other remaining rounds, we simply took pictures. After that ride, we decided to head to the BIG O! The thrilling roller coaster ride called The Lost City of Gold. Thankfully, there were nobody there, so we decided to just take a seat wherever we wanted to. Atikah sat this one out, while I was so very excited, that I somehow managed to make small conversations with the guy attending to the roller coaster.

We took two rounds on the roller coaster. It was awesome!! I'd love to go for third and fourth except we wanted to make sure that we cover the whole park, so we took off after the second. When we left, the "abang roller coaster" handed me a copy of the map of Sunway Lagoon. I of course, was very excited, took it with great pleasure and started to study the map to plan our next rides. Miza however, knew exactly what it was. She came up to me and said "Farisa. You're so blur!" and I must say she is right because I had no idea what she meant.

That's when she told me that the reason he gave me a copy the map is to give me his number and true enough, as I turned, there it was, the message "KALAU TERSESAT CALL: [number]". I was shocked as I had never been in that situation before. I shrugged it off while the girls kept teasing me about it.

After that, Miza and I had a run on the "The Vulture" before all of us had a go at the "Butch Cassidy's Trail". It was a fun until we decided that we were too dry for long enough. We wanted to ride the "Grand Canyon River Rapids" first, which happens to be my favourite ride of all, except that it was closed for maintenance. It put me in an unhappy mood for about 2 minutes, before Diana rushed us to ride the "Niagara Falls Flume Ride", this is the one where you slide down the Snake's mouth.

Before that though, we had a round of the simpler, less thrilling roller coaster called "Buffalo Bill Coaster". After that was when we managed to CONVINCE Atikah to ride the snake's mouth with us. Diana, Shameen and Atikah rode one 'log' while Miza and I took the other. It was simply scary but fun. During the peak moment, when Miza was in front of me, and I at the back, were going up to the snake's mouth itself, I was chanting prayers and telling miza that I love her (just in case anything happened to us). Of course, the worst thing is that happened to us was that we got soaking wet.

The four of us, not including Atikah, went for another round. It was balls of fun! After that, Shameen, Atikah and I had another go on the boot ride in hope of drying ourselves out. It partially worked. After that, we decided to go to back to the caven hall for a simulated ride. It is a five minutes ride costing rm10 per adult. We weren't very optimistic about the cost but we were curious on what it is. That's when we got the crazy idea to 'sweet talk' the two guys managing that ride. One was a typical skanky pants guy with the word 'RAWK' written all over his personality while the other was a simple dressed guy with a cap who wasn't all that bad looking.

We decided to tackle the malay guy first as he seemed to be the one managing the tickets. I casually strike a conversation while the others backed me up. That's when we simply asked for a cheaper price giving all semi-reasonable excuses to why we should get it. The RAWK guy was in, except the other guy, who was the boss lah konon, didn't seem to like it. We gave our please and he seemed mad before agreeing.

While waiting for Miza, and Atikah to go get the money, I decided to try to further convince the boss guy, while Shameen and Diana made conversations with the RAWK guy. I found out that the other guy is a very nice guy. His name is long and unpronounceable to my lips but for short, he's known as IMON. He came from Bangladesh and is currently studying Business at Sunway University (if I remember correctly) and I tried to find as much common things as I could find, just so he would be fine with us getting a 50% off each. He softened and then the rest of us made conversations with him.

So after all is well, we waited for our turn to go in, after a family of nice looking Indians. So off we went into the simulated shuttle with the word KIDS on our ticket. Imon was so opened to us all that he decided to join us in. We were all just way too excited to care. So there we spent 5 minutes in there, pretending to be in a race car and zooming up and down in a simulated car race. I personally don't think it was even worth rm5, but we made new friends at least.

After that, it was nearing lunch time, so all of us decided to take a rest and eat some snacks before deciding the next step. Before leaving the dry park, Miza and I took one round in the spinning cups ride. All of us chickened out to ride the Tomahawk and the Pirate's Ship. So we decided that was it and now it's time to go to Wet Park.

We grabbed a plate of Nasi Lemak for lunch and enjoyed it with the home-brought breads. After lunch, we relaxed for a bit, gave Fawwaz possibly a very loud, ear screeching birthday wish, then set off towards the locker rooms and got changed for swimming. Diana and I doubled back to the dry park to get something we missed, so by the time we got back, the three of them were already soaking wet.

We played around in the shady pool for a while before we went for the slides. Our first wet ride was the "Congo Challenge". It is a long long LONG slide down and all you have is a sort of mat to lay down and zoom in on your front. We took that ride for quite a lot of times and raced each other down. This was my favourite.

Next we decided to hit the 4 big slides. Since one 8 float (whats pelampung in English again?) can only fit 2 people, we took turns to sit slides out. Lucky we managed to cover all slides although waiting in the line wasn't all that entertaining, and don't even let me get started on the long way UP!!

At one point, an Indian lady around her 30s/40s perhaps, needed a partner. Because Atikah was the one sitting out that time, she was asked to accompany that Indian lady for the slides. She went down quite a few with the lady, only for the lady to leave Atikah at the end to carry their float by herself without even helping. I was murmuring curses under my breathe. So rude.

After we really got tired and time was ticking against us, we decided to take one last swim in the shady pool. Except we got tired of swimming as well, so Miza and I decided to introduce the Gg game called "Passing Energy" to the other 3. I think we were the loudest there and we didn't really mind it at all.

PS: Do NOT I repeat DO NOT play this game with Atikah when you are in the pool. She usually splashes the water to your face so you'd be momentarily blind and make you lose!!

After that, we had a final go at the waterfalls. I was tired but upon hearing a rather danceable song, I immediately shaked my booty under the waterfalls. Only I WASN'T ALONE!!! A rather large around the tummy Indian man, who was wearing swimming shorts, saw me and started dancing under the waterfall with me. We had a sort of connection and both of us danced when Miza and Shameen joined. That was fun!

Then we got ready to go back. There was a sort of hut-if-you-can-call-it-that shower place outside. A place for you to shower a little before you get into the pool. The way that thing is designed was very much fun so we spent quite a while there dancing and showering ourselves. In public mind you. And when we found out that the locker rooms are deprived from water, we decided to get some shampoo and treat that hut thing as our shower. Mind I remind you, IN PUBLIC. It was so very Haylie-Hilary-Duff-Our-Lips-Are-Sealed.

So we got ready, changed (and Miza was asked for her number by one of the lifeguards) and was rushing all the way back to Sunway Pyramid as Miza's dad was already waiting for us. All the while hair wet, bag heavy, knees wobbly, and lips smiling. It was a very fun fun FUN day and one we shall not forget.

[LAGOON PICTURES]

- "you have Internet?" "yeah" "you have email?" "yeah.." "okay." hmm....

a piece of DIEGO luna

2007-05-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

last night I had a dream. the kind that makes me grumble when I woke up. Not because it was scary or boring. But because it was incredibly amazing I didn't want it to end. I was woken up by a phone call. After I got off the phone, I tried to squeeze in the dream back to me. But of course, that didn't happen. I spent the rest of the day grumbling that I woke up, and giggling about the dream.

a few weeks back I went to miza's place to borrow a few DVDs to spend my holiday with. I finally end up with one DIRTY DANCING : HAVANA NIGHTS. I wasn't exactly a fan of dancing movies but somehow, I decided to pop that movie one day. Coincidentally, it was the day Shahrul came over to watch a movie. So the both of us watched the movie patiently. I think I concentrated on it a little more than Shahrul would have liked me to.

After the movie was over, I was melting all over the place, while Shahrul was telling me how glad he was about it being over. Shortly, he grumbled again when I pleaded him to dance with me. It wasn't great but I did get Shahrul to move a little. At least he got up and held my hand while I dance around. AHhahaa. Close enough.

That became one of my favourite movie instantly. A few days later I had sudden thoughts about the movie but it faded after that. That was until my dream. I dreamt that I was the heroine of a movie with DIEGO LUNA. The plot wasn't exactly like DIRTY DANCING: HAVANA NIGHTS but we were running from people and we did dance. He gave me all those melting lines and encouragements and sorts.

It was funny how I was swept away by a character of a movie. I feel like a silly teenage girl with a crush. So naturally, I woke up and went to watch that movie again. This time with my cousin.

My cousin thought Diego Luna was cute but complained about him being very scrawny and kind of like a loser. I only laughed when I told her that that was exactly the type of guy I like. Black haired, scrawny, not macho at the very bit, and knows how to make a girl melt to her feet.

So now I found a new guy to drool over. Diego Luna (or I know him better as Javier Suarez - which is his name in that movie). After watching that movie, I really felt the urge to get up and start dancing.

It is kind of sad though. Because now, I spend my days wishing it was time to sleep so I could have more good dreams. Or spend my time of the day, day dreaming of good dreams. It sure is heck of a lot better than reality right now. Choosing between waking up and playing puzzle, or sleeping and dreaming of a cute guy dancing with you. Not a tough decision now is it?

I think I have fallen hard for Mr. Diego Luna.

I fell for him in the scene where he danced with his fellow Cubans in a white shirt outside.
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Owh, I also want to tell you guys I made a killer mushroom soup the other day. From scratch. From a recipe book. Ahahaha. And also, I got called for an interview to be enrolled at INTEC SHah Alam. That's the place I want to go. What else. I am going to the copywriter workshop. Lagoon is on for me. I will definitely go watch a movie with my English Literature buddies. (maybe we can watch dirty dancing). Shaen is coming back real soon. My sister is having her big A Levels exam. I am way fat right now. I really want to dance. And I already miss Aiman.

Shafiq wants me to mention him in this post. So.. SHAFIQ!!

- so I reckon you should watch the movie, unless scrawny romantic guys are your type, then I'm telling you to get off. He's mine.