a new life

I have great news to be shared with you people. Well, to those of you who care enough at least.

I AM FLYING TO AUSTRALIA.

No, not just for a 2 weeks holiday but for a hard core 3 years, live on your own, study and survive there kind of thing. I have just gotten my results less than a week. My friend called me first thing in the morning asking me what was my result. I woke up sleepy eyed and went online to check. I clicked on the button and buried my face in my mom's lap because I couldn't bare to see it. Mama pulled me up and hugged me. She started crying and telling me how proud she was and at that time, I knew I really had made her proud. I jumped and squealed and just gotten it in my head that I was qualified for the University of Melbourne. I was very happy. I didn't even expect to get that high of result, certainly not to be able to get into Melbourne University. I was very happy.

Well, as most of you know, I have undergone the Australian Matriculation Program at INTEC for one and a half years now, and it has been the biggest roller coaster I have ridden so far. I started out great with awesome friends and an even more awesome freedom. I have loved the college life ultimately. I wasn't exactly scoring well but I didn't think that mattered so much because I had great friends that I could count on and especially a great guy that I have fallen madly for. And at that moment I decided I never wanted to leave INTEC.

Then in semester 2, the shit starts. I hit rock bottom when my friends started to ignore me and the boy started to pull away. I was alone and depressed most of the time there. I hated INTEC immensely after that. Everyday I wish that INTEC would be over and at least once a week I would cry over something. This was when I got a lot closer to my mother. I had no one for a long time, around 6 months. Oh God, it was the shittiest days of my life. What was puzzling was that this semester, I scored my best in most of the subjects. I started hitting 90s in my Economics exams and I shot my maths from fails to Bs. I guess you can't have both.

Come semester 3 I was adamant that I would not let anyone screw me over. I didn't care that these girls were not calling me up for their dinner outings. I kept myself close to a classmate of mine, Ayin. She was the smart Malay girl in class and she encouraged me to stop wasting time thinking about what I don't have, and concentrate on actually excelling in AUSMAT. The whole left-on-my-own period, I learned so much about trusting people as well as depending on myself. I became obsessed with being by myself and going to the study room. I stopped going off every so often and started being best friends with my books. I felt good, really it did. Ayin and I became close and I actually stopped hanging out with these girls. And I didn't care anymore.

At the same time, I got closer to two lovely people, Fika, who is my singing partner at INTEC, and KK who is the smart soft boy in class. We just started to hang out and I felt I didn't need to impress them because they know how crazy I am. I kept these 3 people close and kept good relationship with my other friends. With Ayin's influence, I even studied more. Although my assignments were going awfully horrible. I missed a lot of datelines because of my stupid procrastination, and that semester, I learned how to more punctual and accurate. I even find myself going to class on time and meeting people on time. My friends have always known me for my tardiness, but I'm not really tardy anymore. :)

The shitty part of this semester was, I started to become obsessed with finding a boyfriend. Pathetic I know. I started to consider many boys and most probably lead some of them on. After a while, I realized that I was being stupid and when our final exams were coming, I stopped concentrating on anything except the big exam. My high school friends especially realized how obsessively studious I became. And it's true. My days started with classes and continued with me studying until bed time. I even slept at the surau many times because I wanted to wake up early for studying. It was tiring but I loved it. I found my comfort zone and no one could hurt me then. I loved doing what I was doing. I studied more than I have ever studied in my entire life. I also gotten a chance to learn a lot about Islam. My classmate Rashid opened my eyes to a lot of things in Islam. he made sense of many things and he showed me how to act as a proper Muslim. I owe him a lot.

I've changed a lot ever since I came into Intec. I guess God have given me everything and taken it away, in order to let me learn. I've gone through one of the best and the shittiest times of my life. As I said, a roller coaster ride. You feel on top of the world when you're on top, and you'll fall fast and the fall is scary. But when you started to climb back up, its slow and uncertain, but you know you'll be on top again. And that is life. There is no escaping that no matter how much you try. I've found friends who actually HAS my back, and friends who gets close to you for benefits. I found a friend in my teachers, and a hypocrite behind a best friend. I found a guy that has made me learned so much, to have lost him for a reason I don't understand. I found myself.

I know enrolling myself in the University of Melbourne later will bring many ups and downs and this time, I'm going to look at it in a different maturity. I've grown up so much that I know what I need and should not do. I'm excited for Australia. Incredibly scared but excited. I need to do this for myself, for my parents, my family and my future. I just hope I would keep my parents and especially my sister, proud. Pray for the best for me in Australia guys. Pray that I keep good grades, and even better, keep being myself. Pray I don't loose my way in Islam and in being a student. Pray for the best of me.

I guess this is the time I formally bid farewell to INTEC. Well. GOODBYE.

I'll be gone by mid February. Let's meet up.

- I apologize for any bad things I might have done, said and thought of you. I hope you would halalkan anything I owe you and to remember to keep in touch. :)