Thursday, March 20, 2008


Here I am agian. Staring at the same four walls. I feel much too guilty to not do my homework. But my mind is too caught up to start. Caught up with what I am not exactly sure myself. But I know it is not leaving anytime soon and that is potentially very troublesome.

I am flat on my bed right now at home. Here I am for my four days mid term holiday. One day is gone and another will end way too soon yet I have had no improvements on my homework or my plan to work out. I am merely a mushroom growing slowly and lazily. Doing exactly nothing.

I am bored with my current life now. It feels as though I have nothing to look forward to. It is as if I wake up everyday convincing myself to get through it, all the while wishing it would be over soon so I can retire back to sleep. Because sleep is the time I get to run away from everything. Sleep is the time God gives me the chance to be someone else. In my dreams. Where I can lead a different life than what I have now. Because apparently, what I have now is not something I particularly like. Sigh..

I have been having some troubles with my friends here in Intec. I feel as though I am being pushed away by them. They still talk to me of course but I feel as if I am less and less apart of them now. I do not understand why but I wish it to be over soon. I am just scared that it would take a toll on my studies. And that is the last thing I would want to happen.

I have always wondered why I am designed this way. In such a way that I care so much about what people perceive of me. I feel as if I tend to change or restrict myself according to what people think and see of me because only then do I get to fit in and please them, be exactly who they want me to be. I remind myself everyday that I am not someone who can be easily persuaded and altered by what people think of me, but in reality, I am only lying to myself. I so very care. I care too much that it is the reason I cry to sleep every night and start my days with a big sigh.

Due to my friends acting coolly around me, I have extracted quite a relationship with a boy in my class named Adam. He listens to me and entertain my rants whenever I need to do just that. I appreciate that. But I need my girlfriends. But I have to tell myself that what everyone says is true, it is hard to find true friends now. So I am alone and have to be fine with it.

Sat for my maths first test the other day. I guess I didn't do that badly but I know I could do better. Had my Accounts quiz but surprisingly that one sucked. I have a big Economics presentation soon. Haven't started anything. Will die.

Am entering a music competition on Monday named THE WORLD IDOL. It is organised by a bunch of American Degree Program students. Not really hoping to win but am just playing for a friend of mine who had asked me to play the guitar for her. And out of all the songs we are to play, she chose KISS ME. It was a simple decision for me to make as I know that song front back and centre.

Wish me luck for my coming days.

- I miss Encik Faza :(

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 5:32 pm

3 Comments:

Blogger Alyaa said...

don't be so sad girl. cheer up. life's not all that bad.

don't let petty things like that bring you down kay.


xoxo

1:08 pm, March 25, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey you. Times are tough, it can be shit and take a toll on you. Just hang tough. When you can't anymore, I'll be there k. Love.

3:55 pm, March 28, 2008  
Blogger atikah said...

hey babe, i can't figure out why your friends are being 'off' with you. but you know what? i honestly believe you should expand your social circle. make new friends! i am not saying you should just dump them. but when you have more friends, you won't count on too much on this one group of people. and when things like these happen, you know that there are still people out there who loves and wants to be with you. in a way its like independance too! don't stick to one clique. plus, meeting new people would probably break the monotonous cycle and also add some fun in your routine. trust me, babe. ;)

3:09 am, April 02, 2008  

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