the definition of LOVE

Love. To some its just a four letter word. To some it’s the most wonderful gift God ever invented. To some it’s a feeling. The combining of two hearts. And to some, its just like ice cream.

You’ve spoken of love as if you know so much about it. Judging by your post, I’d say you think you do. But you see, behind it all, you don’t really get whats the meaning of love.

You said you have never been in love, and you don’t want to be in love. So why have you spoken so much about it as if you’ve experienced it all. Why have you put it into such words when in real, you don’t know how it really feels to fall in love.

Its true that on the old times mariages were set and arranged. But you see, that is only to keep their generation alive. And the marriage is only putting 2 people together, but it doesn’t put together 2 hearts. And that is not what marriage is all about.

Do you think that a fixed marriage would be a happy marriage. Of course they will eventually learn to love each other. But what happens before that!? Not every relationship that has no love in it would last long enough to even go to that stage where they finally do fall in love with each other.

Love is about support. Love cannot be put into words. Even the most smartest rocket scientist cannot explain it. Not a priest, not a dictionary, not even your parents.

Try putting yourself in the position of the girl who’s marriage is to be fixed. Imagine yourself to be married to this rich guy while you are in love with another. Would you just agree to your parents that you would be married to the righ guy and leave the guy just like that? You must really fight for your right to choose your life long partner.

Girls of the olden times probably wouldn’t even got the chance to fall in love. They were to only to stay home and do as the parents told them to. They weren’t given the oppurtunity to go out and social with guys or girls for that matter. So a fixed marriage for them could possibly just as a responsibility.

God created Love amongst all of us as a symbol, a bond that will keep hold all of the human kind. Imagine a world full of hate. None of us would even be brave enough to go outside our house, afraid that if we take a step outside just to take a fresh morning air and end up being shot by a gun. Isn’t that how it is once upon a time ago? And whats to become of Iraq?

Ice cream. A common thing that all of man kind Loves. But Love for your favourite ice cream, cannot be compared to Love for a human. Everyday, bit by bit, little by little, wether we realise it or not. People change! But as for ice cream, they’d remain the same even if you eat it again in 10 years. Of course you will get bored of the same thing. But for a person, they are not the same each day.

One day they could be the most happiest person in the world, and the next, they could be otherwise. A person has a heart and a soul. A person has a personality, they have feelings. They have believes and ideas. They are not just flavoured ices! A person can see the good and bad things in life. And in being able to do so, they can learn from all the mistakes and lessons. They can change!

And to think, if you really do get bored of something if you get too much of them, so then how can a person stand living with their family every single day! How can you put up with their behaviours, their most annoying habits or even their bad breathes. You see, it doesn’t matter to you, because you love that person. I mean, you wouldn’t get bored of your sister, or ‘dump’ her as your sister because she borrows your favourite cardigan without asking. Of course you’ll get superly angry, but in a few days time, you’d be talking to her again as if nothing has happen.

And that’s what being in love is like. All those annoying habits that you don’t agree with, doesn’t matter. When you are in love, there is no such thing as outgrowing them. You will just learn to accept those habits they have, and you would try to understand them. You would compromise!! And that’s the most important thing!

If you did get a guy and he’s EXACTLY what you want him to be, sure its perfect! But whats the fun in that. There’s no surprises, there is nothing new things that you could learn, because basically, he’s just like what you excpect. And you won’t experience all those disagreement. And have you ever heard of a perfect relationship!?

You can never get a perfect guy. No such thing. There is no one who can be exactly as you want them to be. That’s what a relationship is all about. To learn about the need of another. How they feel, how they think, what they do, what they like, what they don’t like, and you learn how to care for them. You are not as selfish as you use to be where you just think of yourself. You learn to like what they like, try something you never thought you would before.

You care for their needs, their wants, and things that you are not satisfied with, you learn to deal with it because when you’re in love, nothing is more important then that the person himself. And if you are in relationship, and you can’t accept the fact that he didn’t call you, or if he was watching football, or even when he didn’t notice that you cut your hair, or you bought a new lipstick, then its not love that you have!

Because you can’t learn to accept that. And it seems that the fact that you want to be noticed, is more important than to how you feel towards him. Then definitely you can’t last with him. And that’s what makes a relationship go bad. And usually people blames it on love, and that’s wrong. How can you balme something that have never even existed!?

In my opinion, a perfect relationship, everything that goes one way, your way, that’s the relationship that doesn’t last long. You will eventually get bored because you already know what to expect from them. You already know where he would take you on a date, what is he going to do when you guys are walking together, you already know what he’s going to say because its what you prefer him to say.

There won’t be any excitement. Opposition is the best part of a relationship. He’s not all you know! Not all you want. You’d know what he’s going to say, or what he is going to give to you on your birthday. You know what he’s going to shower you with. Its expected. And there is no fun! No surprises. And that is what that will make you outgrow that person. Not because you see them too much or too often.

In love, you get to experience new things. Learn new things about the person, or learn how to actually, LOVE! To care, to compromise, to put aside some of whatever you want, some of your dreams, so that you can be with the person. You have to accept them for who they are, be concious of how they feel. Be there for them in time of need, and they will be there for yours. You try your best to make sure he’s always happy, you will never purposely try to hurt him, and you shower him with care. Love can overcome all those little disatisfaction because love just is.

Why not check the Al Quran again and tell me if God really does not matter about Love but only legacy. I think you have mistaken Islam and Melayu. God encourages Love and besides the only way of staying together to keep the legacy, is to have Love!

In islam, it is not wrong to fall in love but u must draw ur limits when u fall in love. When the latest prophet nabi Muhammad S.A.W. married Siti Khadijah,was it because they were matchmade by whoever let it be relatives or friends or family? She was 45 years old and he was 25 years old. Now,what could a widow have in common with a 25 year old? Love. They married out of love. Age did not stop them. Did they divorce?.No. My mother married my father because of love. Now they got me. Love does make the world go round. What makes you think that matchmade marriage do not get a divorce? It may have seem like you have been confused with ‘adat melayu’ and beliefs. Adat Melayu has installed the few steps of getting married like merisik,bersanding and all. Akad nikah is a must. The old folks matchmade their children with whoever. There is a difference. But a complete marriage has love,trust,support,care,and co-operation.

Usually, all those fixed marriages, or marriages with no love are the ones that ends up getting a divorce. You just don’t feel the need, or the wanting/urge to take care of the person’s heart as you don’t feel Love. You just don’t have that CLICK to do so. And therefor you can never be happy as you are not doing what you want or what you should be doing to your husband because you just don’t feel happy doing so.

Bam! DIVORCE!

Every marriage is a gamble. That is why theres a divorce. Marriage in Islam is not like changing your car every few years. Some people do not take the chance when they gamble. They would rather settle in with what they feel safe and happy with. And marriage is definitely not a gamble. You can’t just try and divorce when you don’t feel its what you really want. You have to try and confirm that he’s the one that you can be with all your life, that’s when you know its right to be married to him.

Marriage is not a gamble. Instead its an oppurtunity to complete that of a human life. To complete that u must reproduce and to do that u need love. How could a person make a baby with the person they don't love?! Sex wouldn't be that much fun. Its disgusting. And I'm talking about in Islam... Where sex is not a carefree thing. Who would do that!?

Don’t be scared Hamiza, your friends are not dependable on their boyfriends. Wouldn’t have we been starved if we did? Wouldn’t have we collapse if we did? Wouldn’t we have died already by now if we did? When you miss your boyfriend, not hearing from him after so long, is that being too dependable? Just to hear his voice and knowing that he is alright? Isn’t that how it is when you miss Justin!? People falling in love are not stupid. They know whats going on around them.

They know it to determine their position. You can’t tell them to take care of their hearts as they already gave them away. Don’t you think they already have considered everything before they even gave their heart in the first place.

Don’t you think thet when they did ‘give their hearts away’ they have already prepare to get it back? Broken or not. They have made this choice and if they cry with tears of blood, nothing can change the past. They would learn from the past. And when it is time for them to recover, that’s when the friends play their part.

If they are caught up too far inside the bubble, and as high as they are taken up, when the bubble does break, its for the friends that are outside the bubble that should catch them and put them back on their feet. And surely they’re expected to feel sad. But for them who has fallen in love, they know that it is not the end of the world. Like you said, you have nothing to worry about.

When heartbreak happens, through the hurt, pain, confusion, misunderstandings, laughter, affection, moments, help and jealousy, I believe that it is she who gains more experience and knowledge than any other. Shallow thoughts do not mar my blend of view.This comes from a girl who dares to love to the fullest and is ready to mend herself when her bubble breaks

You are right. You are different form us. Everyone is different. And you don’t know how it is to fall in love. You don’t know how it is to be in the position of having someone in that way. You admit that you have never fallen in love. So you can’t really say how it is or how it feels to fall in love. Put yourself in my shoes and see if you would be saying the same thing.

I guess its okay that you are playing the field, I guess some of your friends have won their battle and got their target, but that doesn’t mean that they will not come back to help you fight your battle. Find yourself before you indulge yourself in a relationship. Seems like you already know what you want and how you are.

I know that different people has different views of love. But your opinion hasn't effect mine.

I respect your opinion as you respect mine. And I know I am not the only one who thinks the same way. Why not be in love first before you write a theory on what it really is.