find me my HAPPY place

listening to : we belong together - mariah carey
mood : fine

I seriously do need to find a happy place. And I need to do it fast as because

SCHOOL IS REOPENING IN 5 DAYS!

Well, at least I have gotten all my books and stationaries and my bag ready. I gotta check back with you on my uniforms though. Actually I don't really care. Seriously, I mean, who gets excited about going back to school anyway!? As for me of course, I am very much dreading it.

Imagine you're back in that dorky uniform, going to school again and again everyday, going to the same class, meeting the same people, listening to the same teachers, eating the same boring canteen food. And worst part of it is is, YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

You're stuck in the mumbo jumbo of Malaysian highschool.

sigh. well to be totally honest I am looking forward to get back to school. And by saying this I mean only a part of me that is. The only reason I want to go back to school is that, of course, is to get to see my friends again.

that stops there.

well, next year, I am in FORM 5! Wow, just 4 years ago, I look up to those form 5-s and think that they're there to scare you and eat your head off. Wow, now I have some other kids looking up to me and thinking the same thing. Flattering.

Well, I mean, think about it, doesn't Form 5 sound quite intimidating to you? I mean, you're now a senior. Think about how that sounds. Farisa the Senior. Senior Farisa. Farisa is a Senior. Senior Student Farisa. Yucks. It really doesn't go.

Farisa Roslan, the Senior Cool Kid.

Much better.

Well, the only thing I like about the word Senior is pick-your-curiculum-day. For those of you who have no clue about what that is, its actually a day dedicated for students to pick clubs to join for the year.

Yeap, and the reason I'm excited over this is that, I AM A SENIOR AND I WILL BE ONE OF THE ONES WHO HOSTS THESE STUFF. Yeap, ever since I was in Form 1, when I joined all these clubs, half I don't even know what it does, I always looked up to those Seniors playing and joking with each other. They look so big and experienced. And they get to call the shots see! Thats the funnest part!

I GET TO CALL THE SHOTS NOW!

OKay so blame me for sounding like a POWER-HUNGRY-BITCH but I don't care. I have my Setia Club in my hands. I am of course the Project Manager and I don't know, next year, I will be one of the people who get to lead the club to doing whatever it is that it is suppose to be doing. And I get to pick future leaders of the club. I get to host a dinner party. I even get to have my own Junior Project Manager. How fun does that sound.

Well, I also have my Pengakap. [scouts] I know it sounds lame but its been my life the scouts. I have been in it since form 1, and I have been dreaming of being part of the Pengakap Board since orang-utans evolved into humans. And here Form 5 comes and I am sure going for one of the top posts. They have to let me be one. Afterall, I am the loyal lame-kid! PFFT!

By the way, I am to join ONE sport this year. I know how cool does that sound!? I'm going to be SKINNY! ahahahah. I was thinking of Futsal-ing but that might be a problem as unlike other people, I have to carry my fat with me while running. How about swimming? Nah, its bad enough to run with your fat, its worse when you gotta show it. Bowling? Ahhh.. the ever so safe sport. But whats the point, you don't burn fat playing bowling. So help me out, name me one sport that requires no running, restrict you from showing off any kind of fat, and actually help you burn fat. [And no, I won't consider Field Bowling]

So thats one of the highlights.

Yeah well, I have one of the worst exam [known and certified by every Malaysian kid] coming up as a senior. SPM.

Slaughter Poor Malaysians.

Nah just kidding. God. I actually don't remember what the hell it stands for anyway....................
Nope. Thought about it. Didn't click to me.

Its an exam where practically everyone, and I mean even yourself, will push you and drill you hard enough in order for you to get 10 FREAKING As. Well in my condition, 11.

Owh, the preassure, the torcher, the pimples! Urgh...

Well, the best thing is, I've got it all under control. Or so I hope so. Believe me if you want to, think I'm lame if you need to.. but..

I MADE MY OWN STUDY SCHEDULE!

And I'm proud of it as I am proud of myself making through those 4 years of High school. I'm serious, I spent hours just making those lines and boxes for me to fill in with events and plans. Except now, I need to figure out WHAT my events and plans are for every week, and then I'm all set.

I'm turning over a new leaf next year. I am not going to, as always, cram my studies 2 weeks before the exam. At least not for SPM. I can't afford to do so. And that is where my trusty STUDY SCHEDULE comes in. EHEHHEHEHE. Call me a geek [not that you already haven't] but I can't wait to start using the schedule. EHhehehehe.

I also made my own budget planner thingy. It was so exciting to make it really. First I layout-ed all the birthdays throughout the whole year and all the events on which I have to spend. And then I decide how much I am to spend on it. And I made sure that every month, I have some to keep and some to spare for whatever I need. ITS SO MUCH FUN!!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO FOLLOW IT!

I also cleaned out my whole table of whatever crap I thought I needed and realize, I DON'T REALLY NEED IT anyway. So I GOT RID OF THEM. And the only things that are on my table now is my Form 5 books, some files and papers for me to use, and the framed picture of Shahrul. Yes I have one.

And for the first time in so long, I like looking at my table.

Well, did I tell you when school holidays just started, I made this TO-DO-LIST and I was to complete it by the end of this year. Well guess what. That ain't happening. Just like my literature homework. Its apparently not happening either. We were to write a sypnosis of given chapters of the ever-so-popular-but-people-have-no-idea-how-incredibly-boring-it-is book, Frankenstein.
And so far, all I've got is..

Farisa Roslan. Chapter 1 to 6.

Well, thats it. Seriously.

Back to my main point.

SCHOOL IS REOPENING!

*cringe*

hey at least another year means another birthday. Will be turning 16 next year. Too bad we're not in the US or else I would be studying driving by now. Good times have to come so late.

owh by the way, I had a heart to heart talk with my sister and my mom, one that broke me into tears actually. I told them I was really scared of what my future would be like. I have no idea what I want to be, no idea of what college I may apply to. No idea if I could ever get scholarships though. URGH. The very thought pains me.

So well, according to them, I should worry about that later. All I need to do now is concentrate more on my SPM and see if I actually have the brains to get to college. YAGAGAGAGAGGA!!!

Well, I'm just scared that all these activities that I'm going to go for next year is going to effect my studying thing. Just hope my overrated anxiety on following that schedule lasts until its suppose to. It scares me to know that I have that Gemala designing thing for me next year. Been thinking of dropping it. Big possibility.

Soo many pressure can really make a girl go nuts you know. Especially a girl like me.
And the worst part is, Shahrul isn't in Malaysia for me to complain to. So you people [and by that I refer to as my friends] don't be surprise if at 2am you'll get a phone call from a high delussional girl known as me.

Owh well, at least I have a chic lit to keep me saint.

There you go.

- Happy place found.