my COMEBACK

listening to : title and registration - death cab for cutie

wow. its been ages since I've updated my blog. I do apologize because I have been so worked up on basically.. everything. Which when I think about it is actually not that much. well I'm back but you can't expect me to update every so often. Being Form 5 farisa really taking a toll on me now.

Sportsday is coming up and I'm balding my head out of stress. Being the pengakap leader is no easy job. try being a pengakap leader, pengarah projek setia, graphic designer gemala and naib bendahari kasturi, owh yeah, not forgetting a struggling student.

Its just so stressful for me. And just yesterday I burst out crying. I really couldn't stand it. Peer pressure? Low self confidence? The lack of homework finishing? All that plays a part I think.

Owh well I suppose thats what you get being a senior. But for me, the worst part about all of this stress thing, is if I don't succeed in doing all these tasks I indulged in. Its like, boldly saying how pathetic I am.

HEY I AM FARISA. THE GIRL WHO FAILED IN HIGH SCHOOL. WANNA HIRE ME FOR YOUR COMPANY?

yeah. that really don't sound very convincing. And thats why I am pressuring myself so hard to make it all good. So I don't end up being a loser. though I feel like I'm already a part of this big fat juicy loser pie.

sigh. thats life. what can I do. now, I feel myself getting sucked out of me. I am no longer that perky, loud, happy girl I was. Okay I'm going to take loud back. But I feel quite different.

Just the other day I was at MPSJ and it was my time to run. A girl gave me a big smile and a hug saying I could do that. And it hit me. I miss that part of me. I know it may not be obvious. It may seemed like I am still that dorky abnoxious girl but I don't feel like that much no more.

I feel like I'm this overworked angst girl who tries to be loud. OKay so that may be a bit over exagurated but still. Point is I don't feel like me no more. And a single simple thing can annoy me, get me worked up or leavae me emotional. Its that bad.

I come back to school everyday feeling so tired. and after I have my lunch either I'll be ready for tuition or trying my best to finish my homework. By 8 I'm already beat. What can I do? Vitamins?

So life has been quite hard for me lately. And soon it will really effect me. But I can't quit. I won't. I'm not a quitter. Not a loser. I don't want to look back in my life and say I should have. I would have. Or I could have.

My God. Help me get through this.

ps: I get writers block. sO just give and take yeah!

- I wonder why people need to take drugs to get high when swirlling yourself into michael buble's song 'home' can do just that.