my PMR result

listening to : wonderwall - oasis
mood : not bad
current status : worried and pissed.

Proud shouldn't be the word. Dissapointed shouldn't be it too. So what word fits perfectly for my marks!?

Walked up to school feeling utterly confident. I was walking as if I am the most carefree person in the world. Sure the thought of the matter was in my head but it did not act up as it should be. Well not yet at least.

Shameen, Miza and I were joking and smiling as we walked up to school. After I stepped up into the school grounds, the first thing that came up to me was, 'SHOW ME MY FRIENDS BABEY!!' I know its twisted but it was what it was. How could I have helped it!?

Not seeing anyone I recognized, we decided to explore the long left school of ours. Not failing to notice the constructions working up in there we went to explore it. So BRAVO! They're finally doing what they've been saying they will. They're building the Dewan! Yay! But the stupid thing is! they couldn't help but to start it ANYMORE LATER! Its almost school time for God's sake, and they've only build the bones of the building. Pirsh!

And our current tapak perhimpunan, they've built this roof thingy and its only decreasing the space that is already not-big-enough to hold 36 classes with 40 people in each. Sometimes I wonder if they're using their brains. Pirsh!

So back to the canteen we went! We settled with an empty table there. But at that time most of the tables were empty. We met up with Tasnim who had her cousin with her. She was to buy her books so we left her there with her cousin and sat there the 3 of us. Now nervousness slowly creeping back in me. Pirsh!

Feeling rather bored and thirsty, Miza and I decided to go to the nearest [damn my numbers on my keyboard are busted] seven-eleven. Getting there was interesting. Miza and I were singing this song called ain't no mountain high if Im not mistaken. Its one of my favourite songs. We were getting CRAZY! Well, technically Miza was. I was just.. on the phone!? Yeah! Pirsh!

When we got there, we made instant friends with the seven-eleven [ISHK!] cashier ladies people. We were talking about chocolates, and the crazy accountant, and chocolates, and PMR. And one of them threatens to KICK-MY-ASS if I don't receive 8as. How I was ready to prove her wrong! Pirsh!

When we got back! Atikah was there. We handed out Shameen's drinks and saw Gg's bag but no sign of her body though. So me being my can't-sit-in-one-place-when-I'm-nervous-self-so-I
-just-have-to-walk-around-self, I went to look for Gg. After I saw Melisa and Nawal, again here I go!

Me being my extar-perky-self-and-being-nervous-does-not-help
-too-and-also-the-fact-that-I-was-looking-forward-to-see-my-friends
-self, I ran to them to sink them in a deep hug. I was being so perky they think I've already goten my 8as. Pirsh! I'm just Farisa.

After a while I saw Gg walking up to me and I [as you've guessed it] ran to hug her! She's being all scared and it got me scared but I refused to let that get to me. We sat at the corridor for a while before we joined the group. By that time Atikah already took out her bottle of chocolates. GRAB EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I can't stay put! They're all sitting at the table feeling all nervous. I CAN'T DO THAT!! I need to walk. I just kept walking around as much as I can. Washing my hands for the sakes of walking. Kept going up to poeple thats slowly filling up the school. Saw Azfar, Sang adn Zahra. Went up to them with a smile. Kept flashing my teeth to everyone I see! I'm beginning to think that people are just hating me for my perky-ness at the WRONG MOMENT!! Again I say, I'm just Farisa.

I can't stand it! I was wlaking everywhere I can! I can't stay put. After I saw auntie Zakhreen's mom, I went up to her like Gg did and we both were welcomed with laughs. We were talking to her when suddenly we saw Ainul running up and down, dnaicng under the rain screaming like a MAD WOMAN!!! There you go! Our first 8as there! Yay!

After that, we ehard rumours that it was time to line up and get our results! I was freaking nervous by then! I did somethign I coudln't believe I did. I called up Along to come to my school to be there for me. She's the only person I can think of right there and then. So off I went to the classes. By this time my legs are already numb. The whole GALA happened and I didn't wnat to be a part of it. I just waited for Diana to come because I know I couldn't take it alone.

I waited outside class when all were rushing to get their marks. I heard screams, I heard cries, I even heard myself wondering which will I do. I really couldn't take it. I saw Farah screaming and jumping and being OWH SO HAPPY! She got her 8as and I'm so happy for her! And at that moment I felt as if I've already gotten my 8as. As far as I know, her performance and mine is are almost the same. I was somewhat more confident. But I could be deceited.

I saw Miza and ran towards her. I also went up to Shameen. I started to cry as I was so nervous. Ridiculous to think back about it actually! I saw Gg and ATikah, and they had tears in their eyes. And also a smile so I congratulated them and buried them in hugs! But tears still flowing madly. They all were being all sympathizing me and it was funny that I ahven't even got my results yet and yet I was so WET! Ahahahaha.

I saw Diana and I ran up to her! She comforted me and dragged me to the room. She got her results but I was crying at the corner of the room. MADLY might I add. Ahahhaha. Ridiculous. I hugged her and she smiled. After that, I went up to the teacher [more like Diana pushed me to her] still refusing to take that one slip of paper. That one slip of paper can actually be a turning point in life. I made it sound so important there.

Puan Rosemary were teasing me about crying even though I haven't received my results. WHATEVER WOMAN!!! So I couldn't see anything when I reached her. My eys were soaked with tears. Then I ehard Puan Rosemary says 'only her Sejarah and Geografi' and I felt like striking her throat with a knife but I restrained myself. Instead I cried even harder and tried to run away. But I were to sign my name, so I did and I ran form there. LEAVING EVERYTHING BEHIND!!!

I saw Shahrul and immediately went crying to him. Along called and I met her at the canteen. Still crying so bad. There was a moment there.........

The one thing that made me satisfied on that day is that Shahrl didn';t turn his back on his promise. He was there taking every moment of myt sorrowness when he should be enjoying his 8as. I'm truly grateful for that. And I feel bad that I kept him. And I would like to apologize too to my friends that I ran away from. I was just to depressed.

After it was done, I stopped crying and now flashing smiles and congratulations to people who succeeded. Mom said she's fine with it and kept comforting me but I was being to.. yishk! I went to Syed with Shahrul, Gg and Fawwaz as to so-called celebrate! It was not so bad but I still don't think I deserve celebration!

Thats not what Mama thinks though. She came back early today and comforted me. She kept saying she's fine with it but the problem is, I'M NOT!! I feel bad for her as she can't have the pleassure of telling people her daughter has got 8as. That makes me feel bad. But at least Ayong got her it!

So I have no freaking idea why but yet she bought me out for dinner as to celebrate 6AS! The food didn't taste very delicious. Well it was, but not as good as it would be if its for 8as. And now I can't stop myself making sarcastic jokes bout not getting 6as. Currently taking it. Sinking the thought in my head. I did my Solat Syukur though. I am thankful but I still could've done better I'm sure.

Shamil my cousin got his 9as and I. WAS. FRUSTRATED! But Tikah got 6as too so then I know how fair God is. Well, I'm ok with the whole thing now. I'm learning to accept the fact! And it sucks even more that my friends has to be all sympatizing of me when instead they could be celebrating their success. SO I AM GOOD!!!

I AM SATISFIED WITH MY 6AS!!

Sure theres still a part of me inside my body says otherwise but give it a few days. I just need sleep right now. To calm myself down.

- There once was a girl in Malaysia. She didn't get what she wants. But she had her family and friends behind her. And now she knows its alright. Thanks you guys. Now to face my sister!