big emo BLOB!

listening to : get out (leave) - jojo
mood : i dunno..
current status : sigh...

its just one of those moments when nothing is wrong.. but you feel as if it is.. PMS I suppose...

urgh.. I've been really manja lately.. to shahrul I mean.. in this weak alone.. I broke down crying for no absolute 'saint' reason for like --- times.. all when I was with shahrul.. I guess its because he went for the trip to China for like 5 days.. and I've missed him so much that this sort of shit happens.. and I know he hates it.. personally, I do too..

on monday.. the first day after he got back.. I came to school and met him at the school gate.. I broke down crying when I reach the tapak perhimpunan because he did't walk with me.. okay.. quite dumb..

after perhimpunan, as usual I walk to his class,a nd I got to talk to him and stuff.. and he said somehting that somehow made me feel so bad.. though I know its nothing that bad.. And I broke down crying again.. all the way to class.. And I was crying like MAD!! seriously.. I mean, if I cry in school, its never like.. THAT.. Seriously.. Its like a little kid crying after being scolded by the mom.. it was loud.. everyone was staring..

BLAH!!!

then after recess.. I cried because he had to go to class.. AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!!! Ok GOD!! That was dumb...

the next day, I broke down crying because he joked about somehitng.. and I cried all the way home.. to my doorstep, when he had to trail back after me..

GOD I SUCK!!!

SORRY SHAHRUL!!!

yeah.. so I'm just a walking emo blob this week.. but I try to be more less sensitive
from now on.. I think Shahrul has had enough..

urgh.. I feel sucky again..

well have you ever feel as if you really want something, but you know you can't have it.. so eventually you get use to the fact and you learnt to accept that you just can't have it.. until one day someone comes and BAM it back to your face.. making you want it, and care for it even more..

urgh.. its not a pretty feeling.. And it BAM me twice today!.. SUCKY!...

Its just something I really want.. and having to see someone else get to do it.. makes me feel so sad. and depressed... But I know that it is not the right thing to do.. And I have to restrain myself.. And I do try.. Hard.. or else I'd not be who I am right now.. trust me..

But seriously.. I don't need these sort of temptations for me to deal with.. Its hard enough for me to accept these.. sigh.. but then again.. that's life right.. why would God create all these problems if it wasn't to test on our keimanan and our strength.. patience, and pride..

So I'm keeping mine.. and this is going to be me.. Alhamdulillah.. That made me feel a little better.. I love myself!!!

.....................................................................................

I never thought my life would consist of so much money, time and classes..

my schedule every week...

monday : school.. homework.. BM tuisyen class
tuesday : school.. homework.. Drums class
wednesday : school.. YEP meeting.. addmaths tuisyen.. Eng. Lit. class.. homework..
thursday : school.. Setia meeting.. Kimia class.. homework..
friday : school.. Fiziks tuisyen.. relax..

and my weekend now are both filled wiht homeworks.. seriously.. sometimes I wonder what happen to all my time.. I don't even get to chat on the phone anymore so no time spent there.. argh..

I'm just waiting for myself to crack..

I'm still finishing Setia's website.. A little bit more.. But its still work.. Sigh...

LIFE...

sumbangsih is coming up.. so is my one year anniversary with Mr. Shahrul Iman. those are highlights..

- tell mama I'm sorry for all the money she spends on me every month.. URGH!!!