Tuesday, August 02, 2005

my BREAK up


listening to : sway - bic runga
mood : not so good
current status : I'm quite sad actually

well I have never ever EVER broke up with anybody before. at least I never actually be the one who breaks it anyway. But sadly, today I had to do it.

mom told me that it was for the best. she didn't want me to go through all this anymore. Its hurting her as much as it hurts me. I contemplated the 'proposion' but in the end thought that it was for the best.

It hurt me to say those words tonight. My heart was beating fast. nervous of course. my mind was racing with ideas of what he'll say, what his reaction would be like. I was scared. But I know I had to do it, there is no turning back now. Mom wants me to do it. I can't object!

Urgh... the anxiety!!! But I did it. Its over now. I won't be seeing him anymore. At least not soon.. I broke it off. I do feel like crying but no tears came out. This is how its going to be like now. I'm going to have less to think about, I can concentrate more on my studies and family now. No more extra thing to care about. It pains me true.

before I go on.. people don't get me wrong. HE IS NOT SHAHRUL!!!

I am perfectly in good terms with Mr. Shahrul Iman.

I am actually talking about my drums teacher. Thats right. I quit my drums class. It is a painful thing to do. To tell the truth, there has been this unique bond between my drums teacher and I. Sort of this teacher-student cum good friends who insults each other thing.

Call us freaks but its true. Of course i dread his class every week now but it makes it fun goign there. Kind of a relax thing. Owh well..

I know I won't be hearing the last of him. His band is launching their own cd later. Heck knows what their band name is, he wouldn't tell, but he did invite me to the launching of his band. So if I could, I would go. Sigh.. I miss him already..

So thats that! Mom told me that she wants me to quit because I am not really getting better, and that she's spending money for that, and that she told me to concentrate on my guitar and be great at it before I continue with my drumming again.

Thing is, I wonder when that is going to be and I'm scared that my teacher won't be there anymore! All with his 'new band going national' thing. Sigh. But I know it'll be a waste if I quit permanently. Mom even said that its not common for a girl, especially one like me, to play drums and imagine me playing live. It'll be cool.

But then again, guitar comes first I suppose. So now I am on the hunt for a guitar teacher. Seriously speaking, I don't feel like learning guitars anymore. I do miss it but to go through all that again. Sigh... Owh well... See where it'll all lead!!

I'm going to miss the sounds of the banging and me sucking up.

- I got you scared with the whole break up didn't I!?

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 10:19 pm

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