Saturday, February 16, 2008

farisa binti roslan version 2008

I have designed myself a new principle. And that is not to feel. Because when I don't feel, I won't expect. With no expectations, comes no fall. And by not falling, I won't get hurt. Wouldn't it work best that way?

It has been about 5 weeks that I return to Intec. I love second semester I do. I think coming to INtec have made me grown so much. Of course that is expected, but I can actually feel it. I am not that spur of the moment, do what I want when I want kind of girl anymore. Mind you, I am still loud, and annoying at times, but I feel like I am much more aware of my surroundings now. And I love the feeling of caring.

I don't deny that second semester is harder. Weirder teachers. Longer hours. Heavier books. But there are good things that comes with second semester. Like familiarity. Closeness. Understanding. Much more.

Days in Intec are still very scheduled. Waking up at 6.30am for prayers, and cold showers at 7am. By 7.45am we'll be rushing to catch the bus which usually will be accompanied by a string of students lining up for the bus. Class starts at 8am and it'll be 2 hours before my classmates and I would go for our 10 minutes breakfast. Another two hours of class before we once again go the cafe to pack our lunch. By 1.30pm we will gather to have lunch and perform our Zohor prayers. Another 2 hours of class before we get to go back to our respected colleges. By then Hazra and I would usually stop by at the library, get some work done and by 6pm, take the bus home, buy dinner and occupy ourselves with homework or revising by 9pm. That is everyday.

I know it sounds so very MONOTONOUS and repetitive. But weird enough, thats the way I like it. I love familiarity. I look forward to school everyday knowing I will be meeting the same people. And that the only things that would differ today from yesterday are our classes, and the things the 16 of us do. I like laughing at yesterday's jokes and make new comments today for me to remember tomorrow. I love being in my class. I love these 15 people. I love Intec.

Other than that, I suppose my life is the same. I think clearer now though. And I have taken up reading politics. Weird I know. I shocked myself as well. Yes, you might think "NIH SAH INFLUENCE ENCIK FAZA TUH". and it is true. I admit. It is his influence. He opened my eyes to many things. He made me read. He made me care. He made me know. I owe him that.

I am changed. Right now, I feel much more mature. I think clearer. I think of the things I say before saying it because now I think of the consequences. I am much more confident of who I am now. You guys might think I am full of confidence back in high school, but I wasn't. There are things that I held back that time. I did not know it myself, until I came to Intec when I was given the chance to start fresh. I went to a place where NO ONE knows who I am so I get to design my own personality. Throw away the things I do not want, push away my inferiorities, and give the impression that I am actually confident. And in doing so, I really got to be the person I want to be. I am the person I want to be right here right now. I do wish I am less sensitive though. That one comes with maturity. Not everything can go perfectly right?

I miss Atikah. I really do. I managed to see almost all my friends last break. Everyone but her. I spent time with Miza and Gg one night during my Chinese New Year break. I apologize but I was very scared that night because I was afraid that we would not be as comfortable with each other as we used to. I mean, how can I not feel that. We don't spend half of our month with each other. In fact, we see each other only at least once a month, and that is if we are lucky. There was bound to be something different.

I am saying this because I know during my enrollment in College, I HAVE CHANGED. A LOT. And I am sure they would have to. We have been good friends because our personalities matched us. But with different perceptions, thinking and experiences, can we really be like how we were back then? It did not however become weird. I admit I believe that my 2 friends have some differences in them, but its the things I can still bare with. And I am still able to understand them and match it with the person I am now. I am glad. I don't know how they feel though.

So I apologize for those people who might not like me now, but I do. Now, I am Farisa binti Roslan, loud, confident, reads politics, speaks Bahasa Melayu and proud of it, loves my heritage and love my country Malaysia. I am mature, I try to not hold on to so much things, still very obsessive but have better control of what I do, and I read. I care. I love.

I am just the person I want to be.

- kamu taknak saya, dipersilakan lompat tingkp. kalau masih sayangkan saya, jom pergi minum teh tarik. saya kat Shah Alam saja. :p

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 6:02 pm | 0 Comments

Hapus Aku - Nidji

this song is now.

- biarkan waktu, hapus aku.

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 11:42 am | 1 Comments