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Thursday, October 21, 2004

songs of the CRAZED!!


listening to : myself singing
what song you might ask? : the barney song
mood : not good. close to angsty-ness
current status : insane!

I love you!
You love me!
We are happy family!
With a great big hug!
And a kiss from me to you!
Won't you say you love me too!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!


NO!!! I'm not okay!! I'm singing freaking barney for god sakes! and all of them are '!' at the end! GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at situations like these ladies and gentlemen, I would just like to take a peechy moment saying..

HEELLPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is too crazy! Even for me!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD!! I feel like crying because my head is battling with itself. One part of it is screaming itself to break through and get craZy! and the other part of it is restraining itself from actually losing it as it may cause bad injury! And it hurts so bad! And no, this is not figurative, ITS REAL! My head really does feel like this and it really does hurt! I really don't know what to do!

For some freaky reason, my everyday waking up time is at 10! I mean, wether I plan to or not, it'll always be 10. So I'm not so worried that much as I know what time I'd be waking up and I can actually plan my schedule. Despite that, what I'd do all day is basically stare into my computer.

My recently, my eyes has this penyakit, conjunktivitis or something. And it hurts when I look at the computer for too long. And I mean, HURTS BAD!! so my days now..

bangun pagi, gosok gigi!

sorry!

Computer at 10. After about an hour, I'll make my bed. After that, I will either play snakes (yes, I still play that), or my gameboy or read a good book! After about 1 1/2 hours, I'd go back to playing computer. After 2 hours, I'd be back to reading my book or watching tv. Or maybe Cinderella Story! (It is NOT not worth it atikah!) By 4, I'd be playing computer again or I'd be chatting on the phone. At about 6, I'd sure be on the computer. After breaking my fasting, I'd be on the computer again until about 12! somehow, the night effect doesn't hurt so much!

And thats everyday!

By the way, my eyes are terluka! And I mean it. The sharp point at the side of the eyes, all of them, all 4 of them I mean, are bruised. I mean, the skin is kind of.. not there! And damn it hurts! If I put water or even touch it, it will hurt. So my eyes are very sensitive now! DAMN!!

All work and no play! Makes it, a boring boring day!

AARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Anyways, luckily today (shit I touched my eyes) I was actually not lazy (whats rajin in english? damn! my vocabulary pon has gone bad!) to do something for myself today! Thats actually worth my time! and I did it! I actually seperated all my unwanted books!

SHIT MY EYES HURTS!!

So now 3/4 of my books are outside! Yeaps! All in the garbage plastic! Waiting to be recycled. My second laci is actually empty now! WOO HOO!! I can finally place my leftover Harry Potter stuff in it since the first my first laci is not big enough! ISHK!!

My room doesn't look so messy now! OK wait! Let me rephrase that! My table doesn't look so messy anymore! Hahhaha!! While I was seperating my books, I was actually feeling sad. Is it weird for a person to get sad over used unwanted books that she has to throw!? I mean, its just sad that I might really not need to read, or touch the book even anymore! So I felt like I will miss it you know. I will be getting new books and soon, in years to come, will be missing those books too! It makes me think, gosh I'm growing up! Soon I will actually be working! And not have to even touch any more books.

And to admit, I'm scared! I don't want to grow up! I don't want to go to THE REAL WORLD! I don't wnat to amke my desicion for my future yet! I feel like I'm not old enough to! And its not because of I'm a PTS student. This may be the sugar talking, but I actually do not want to leave PMS! Angsty-ness and teenage girl problems! I don't want to not be under my mom's watch or being grounded. I don't want to grow up!

SIGH!!!!

Mary had a little lamb! Little Lamb! Little Lamb!

:" (

It actually felt kind of good to see my room, empty! I mean, messy-less empty! Its a job well done that I can pat myself at the back for! I can just smile and lay on my bed and relax my mind in there. And patting myself is actually fun too! Its worth it! That is why I vow to actually earn myself more 'pats on the back'. And to do that, I am going to clean the store room tomorrow! YEAP! Masa puasa yes! And I know store rooms are SUPPOSE to be messy! But my store room is not messy! Its worse!! Everything is everywhere! Its not tersusun LANGSUNG!!! Its going to be an AFTER SCHOOL project kinda thing. And its sure going to blow mama off her pants! She's going to be so shocked I'm not surprise if she'd faint! And I'm saying this like I've done it already! Hahahah!! (wow, I'm laughing)

But I don't think I'm going to finish it in one day! Its going to be one of those, secret projects that no one can see till I'm done with it! Mom's not even going to know about it! I really wanna see her face when she sees it! Then maybe I can earn a pat on the back from her, and maybe some hard earn cold cash too! I kinda need some smacks (smacks?) now! I'm out of it! GEEZ!!

1 little 2 little 3 little indians!! 4 little 5 little 6 little indians!

KILL ME!!

Next week is the last week of school! DAMN! believe it or not I miss school! I miss gathering all of us friendsies. Why can't we all just go there and team up playing monopoly!? IT'LL BE FUN! The thought counts at leats right!? Owh well! Call me up when you guys change your minds!

And after I wow-ed mom with my CLEAN THE STORE PROJECT, I'm going to do something for myself. Write a song maybe! Haven't done that in AGES! Owh yeah, my guitar string broke! (which reminds me, I have to borrow shahir's guitar to practise, DAMN!) And maybe I should start a scrap book! I mean I know I've been wanting to do that, and me being me, I will never finish doing the scrap book. But miza gave me an idea. I'm going to sit on the table one day, and just bury myself into all the magazines and newspapers and cut up all those things I find nice, happy and comforting, and paste it on a manilla card and hang it up on my wall. So what if my sister gets mad! At least I did something that makes me happy! Another pat in the back!!

Jack and Jill! Went up the hill to fetch a pale of water!
Jack fell down, and broke his crown and I cry out of laughter!!

: D at least I'm saint enough to make fun of the songs!

Owh well, all and all! I know I've got it planned! My evenings won't be too much of a waste after all. My first plan was to revise my form 4 subjects (I'm taking sub science by the way) but Ayong needs those books for SPM so I am left with na-Da! Owh well. Maybe I can write my own book. Sides, I got a fan fic to finish!

any spelling or grammar mistakes because of sleepy watery eyes, and debating brain! sorry!

- I think I am currently experiencing Sugar Overdose! HEHEHHEHE!! cool!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 11:58 pm | 5 Comments

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

isn't it IRONIC!?


listening to : empty apartment - yellowcard
mood : bored the freaking death
current status : hot!

a lot of ironical things have been happening to me. Is it freaky or what!? like for instance, I just became friends with this guy in friendster, and the next day, I saw him at the bazaa ramadhan place. Its weird!

And for another, I went to the school masjid tonight to go for my terawih prayers, and what do you know, I saw my long time kindergarten best friend. One that I have been bugging myself to meet. And yes, I saw her and we.. bonded!

Mama, Along and I went to the masjid at about 8 tonight. I don't know why, I mean, I think its only me and the fact that I have just TOTALLY lost it, but after I got of the car, I practically SKIPPED to the masjid. GOD! What was I thinking. I was skipping! SKIPPING! 14 years old girl who is wearing telekung and going to a masjid full of people at night JUST DON'T SKIP!! But again I blame my lack of activities that has made my brain go 'splat!'

But for god knows what I was too happy to go for terawih! I seriously need to start a project to keep myself occupied.

Which I have found now. Well actually, I got the project. Atikah dared me to wirte a Harry Potter Fan Fiction with 3 conditions :
a) whatever it is, Luna Lovegood has to be in the fic
b) it has to be based on a Hilary Duff song
c) cannot be hermione and Ron pairing

and I find these conditions.. PERFECT!! I truly do! I found one HIlary Duff song which is so freaking perfect for the story! And Luna would be such a perfect character in it! HAHAH!!
If I may, I will post the story in this blog of mine, so if you don't feel like reading it, you can just skip it! heheheh!!

getting on with my terawih...

when I got in the masjid, all three of us were looking for places to settle in. There were only 2 position left in the saf that we found. And IRONICALLY there was one more place in the front saf and again IRONICALLY the empty position of the front saf was none other then my old best friend from kindergarten shcool, Lyanna! I was excited and scared at the same time. I mean, I have been wanting to see her for the past 7 years of my life. But what the hell would I say to her. I mean, like I said, I haven't seen her for 7 years. I can't just strike up a conversation going all, do you know that Atikah is allergic to cats!? She will go all, atikah who!? Or she might even go.. who're you!?

BITE ME!!

Mama and Along pushed me to go sit next to her and make friends with her.. again! But i got too nervous. WHat if she don't remember me. I mean, sure theres the whole she sms me and me sms her thing but still, meeting someone in person would be much more nerve wrecking. BUt still, I was pushed to do it. I casually walked up next to her and sat down. She looked and me and had another glance at me. You know, when you looked at a person and you turned away, and then you looked at the person again, to take another glance. Yeah that!!

So when I looked back at her, I was like.. 'Lynn nyer?' as if I didn't see her before.. Hahahah! You gotta play it cool. And she was all.. 'yeah! shasha kan!?' (its SASHA by the way!) yeah. And after that, we just, TALKED. Its as if the whole-not-seeing-each-other-and-don't-even-know-if-the-other-still-lives for the past 7 years never even happened. heres some converstaion we had :

L = lynn
S = Sasha

L : its been long since we've met!
: yeah how are you?
L : yeah I'm fine. Hey do you remember farisa!?
S : do i remember farisa!?
L : yeah, she was our friend dulu right?
S : yeah but Lynn, I AM farisa. Sasha is my nick name.
L : Ouh sorry.
S : No problem. Hahahah!
L : I have a boyfriend named .....
S : owh cool! is he form 3?
L : No! he's form 5! and what about you!?
S : (looks at mom) Hahaha! Yeah, He's in form 3. He's name is Shahrul.
L : Owh.
S : You have friendster?
L : yeah, I'm friends with shafiqah. Under the name Lynn.
S : Owh okay. I'll add you later. I'm Bernie.
L : Bernie? Hahahaha!
S : yeah well. My friends wanna call my bf Bernard and the found a girl Bernard name Bernie so there for, I'm bernie!
L : thats so cute!
S : haahahah!!
S : Hey, you see armand at school right!?
L : yeah I do.
S : he's still so quiet and shy. And he doesn't really look different.
L : Yeah I know.
S : what about me? do I look different?
L : No! You still have those pretty eyes.
S : Pretty eyes? Ahar...
L : yeah, who could forget.
S : many poeple say that! I just don't see it!
L : Owh well. What about me? Have I changed?
S : Nope. I recognize you the minute I saw you!
L : Hahha!

Theres a lot more But forget about that! So we bonded and it was fun! I mean, we talked like we've been friends forever. There was some awkward moments. There was no awkward pauses though. and again, IRONICALLY, I come to find, that she's a lot like me. We're both 14. We're both PTS students. We've both been in a relationship for 3 months. We both DON'T want to go to asrama but was asked to my our moms. We both DON'T like to wash plates and clothes. We both never been to Makkah. And we both .. I dunno.. Have friendster! Hahah! (just wanna make it sound MORE) But still, we're both just the same. I think her life is a lot like mine.

Where you just can't go out so much time, and you're just stuck at home reading books and playing computer. And you just wonder off in space day dreaming and thinking how much better it is to go out and play guitar or something. Hahahh! I guess so.

Whatever it is, its just cool to see her again. Having to talk to her and catch up on stuff. I miss her so and I got a hug from her. Yay! We are to keep in touch and to see each other again someday! She's going to Makkah tomorrow for 2 weeks. Going to miss her. But hey, I can survive 7 years, I can survive 2 weeks right?

- I'm Farisa!!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 10:26 pm | 3 Comments