Friday, September 10, 2004

all the I's in the WOLRD!

I know:

- that I'm not going to get straight A's for PMR
- that I am not perfect
- that I keep too muhc to myself
- that I can be very annoying at times
- who are my friends and who are not

I want:

- 8A's
- to understand people I don’t understand
- to run away from my problems for at least one day
- what I want
- a friend who I can tell anything to and just understands me perfectly

I have:

- a way of seeing life
- 0 self confidence
- lots of things I am not satisfy with myself
- a debate within myself
- opinions about stuff

I wish:

- life was easier
- I can understand a lot of stuff
- I don't need to make anymore desicions in life that will effect my future
- I could take back everyhting I regret doing
- Life is predictable

I hate:

- when my intuition tells me something is wrong
- When friends turn their back on you and leave you
- Myself when things go wrong
- things that makes me unsatisfy
- When poeple critisize me for what I did, and not knowing the reason I did it.

I miss:

- My childhood
- Feeling carefree and not having to worry about anything except to get chocolates
- Getting straigh A's
- Smooth skin
- Bernard

I hear:

- My conscience
- Songs
- Things I don't want to
- The call of death when I feel angsty
- the blade calling my name when I am depressed

I love:

- to know everything
- My family
- My friends
- Myself
- Bernard

I ache:

- To be loved
- To have someone to understand me for me
- For a day off to nowhere
- For a day with bernard
- To be good for something

I care:

- About myself
- About my friends and family
- About what people think about me
- About how I look
- About how I am and how I will turn out to be

I always:

- Think bad about myself
- Put myself down
- Try to be loved
- Sing my heart out
- Try to trust my intuition but always end up getting in trouble for not to

I dance:

- when I feel like it
- when there is a nice song on, especially Ocean Avenue
- to myself
- and forget the world
- with Bernard

I cry:

- When I’m angry
- When I need to release my frustrations
- When I need to let it all out
- When I am disatisfy with something
- When my heart is broken, hurt or moved

I write:

- When I have something to talk about
- About the things I feel and going through
- And am proud about it
- In my blog
- Tp express myself

I confuse:

- Myself sometimes
- My conscience
- My friends when I change my attitude just like that
- Bernard (don't I?)
- people when I say I'd be doing something I won't

I can usually be found:

- Staring at blank space thinking about life
- Talking loudly
- Singing or eating
- With my phone
- Playing with my hair

- I can be MYSELF!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 10:28 pm | 0 Comments

me, MYSELF and I

~My name is: Farisa Roslan
~nicknames: Perky Miss Perfect (my personal favourite), fari-fari, Bernie, Sasha
~sex: Female
~birthday: June 27th
~colors : Pink, Black, Orange and Baby Blue
~star sign: Cancer
~place of birth: SJMC
~current residence: SS18, Subang jaya
~hair color: I'm not sure coz I see it as black but when I walk under the sun, it will look brown
~eye color: Black I think
~height: 160 cm . I know its short but there are shorter poeple, (right atikah)
~writing hand: Right. I'm currently experimenting with my left.


~do you bite your nails: I never want to. I'm the only one among my siblings who don't bite nails. But I do it on purpose. And beginning to like it.
~can you roll your tongue: I guess!
~can you blow smoke rings: does it matter?
~can you blow spit bubbles: who needs to know?
~can you cross your eyes: don't plan to
~tattoos and where: in my left brain
~do you make your bed daily: I wouldn't say, daily. Hahahha!
~what’s sexiest on a guy: somehow I'm not tempted by pacs or butts. But their hair attracts me. I wouldn't say it sexy but its something. Their smile is something too.
~what’s sexiest on a girl: Miza would know.
~do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it: what does this matter? I twirl it.
~what utensils do you use eating pizza : my spatula!
~do you cook: if I have the mood.


~how often do you brush your teeth: Everyday DUH!
~do you shower/bath: Shower
~how long do these showers last: Usually about 10 minutes. But if I'm in my shampoo-ing mood, then I can last till more than an hour.
~hair drying method: Leave it as it is and wait till it dry off itself
~do you swear: Hahahhaha! More than u think. I even have seasons of different types of swears I say. Like in 2 weeks I'll say one particular swear word and the next 2 weeks, I will go for another. And I swear most when I am unsatisfy about something.
~do you pee in the shower: Gross!
~what color is your bedroom: light pink
~do you use an alarm clock: yeap. it helps me get back my confiscated handphone. coz I use it on my handphone.
~name five things or people you're obsessed with:
- Daniel Radcliffe
- SC (as my friends says)
- My handphone
- Internet
- Chocolates
~what’s your sleeping position: it changes to my comfort-ivity..
~what kind of bed do you like: the kind that I have now
~in hot weather do you use a blanket: hello! what part of 'hot' and 'blanket' DON'T GO TOGTEHER don't you understand? But yeah I do, when I have a cold.
~do you sleepwalk: nope but I do find myself in the other position when I wake up (this when I was small)
~do you talk in your sleep: I'm sleeping!
~how about the light on: Not very comfortable but acceptable.
~do you fall asleep with the TV or radio: I don't sleep with them! But I do sleep with the radio ON! (sometimes)


~watched bambi: I don't think I ever did.
~cried: Last night.
~talked on the phone: 19 minutes ago with Shahrul. Didn't last long but I expect to get another call soon.
~read a book: I don't remember.. Not recently. Not a book at least.


~is music important to you: WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT!!
~do you sing: pretty much everywhere that my mom threathened to staple my mouth together.
~what instruments do you play: Drums and Guitars. I play a little bit of Piano.
~what do you think of Eminem: I have no strong opinions towards him.
~in your opinion what band is the best of all time: So far, Maroon 5! Linkin Park comes 2nd! (2ND ATIKAH!)


~pop music: I'm obsessed with HilaryDuff. Explains anything?
~rock music: OWH YEAH!
~punk music: I prefer modern rock
~rap music: Depends
~hip-hop/RB: Depends
~country: A few
~jazz: I think I sleep on their first note..
~classical: Yeah.. I play classical music!
~new age: what!?
~hardcore: Not so much!
~indie rock: wha'?
~emo: hahahah! If I'm in the mood..
~Game: Yeah I like them.. Sims and Harry POtter games.


~What do you notice first?: somehow their hair
~Do you have a crush on anyone?: its not crush! Hahahha!
~Easiest to talk to: Shahrul. He understands me. And Shahir is my Gordo. Its always easy to talk to him and Ashraf.


~Could you live without the computer?: I could live but I won't be very sane.
~What’s your favorite fruit? Mangosteens. God. I could gobble up a whole Kg of them mysef.
~What hurts the most? Physical or emotional pain?: I have experienced both and I guess emotional is worst but I'm npt saying physical are a walk in the park.
~Trust others way too easily?: Not way too easily. And I don't anymore. I only tell certain things to certain people. But mostly I keep it to myself.


~Of times you have had your heart broken?: Once.
~Of hearts you have broken?: Not they have ever consult me about it but I guess I broke one..
~Of girls kissed?: Hahahha! My sissy, my cousin Amy, and Farah! Hahahha!
~Of boys kissed?: ok thats personal!
~of drugs taken illegally?: Na-da
~Of tight friends?: Table Mates!
~Of CD's owned?: about 10
~Of scars on my body?: A fresh one on my left arm. Don't ask where I got it coz I don't wanna tell.


~I know: That poeple are players that plays their part on earth and are forgotten when they're dead. (At least I would be)
~I want: Many things that I can't get.
~I have: a lot of things that I keep to myself
~I wish: that my life would be better.
~I hate: thinking about my future plans. Especially my career.
~I miss: the time life is just about Barbie Dolls and chocolates all night and day!
~I hear: my self cry sometimes.
~I love: things that makes me happy
~I ache: when I am heart broken
~I care: about everryhting I love and want
~I always: forget that my life is not as bad as I thought it is.
~I dance: pretty much all the time. especially with songs I love. You do not want to see me dance to Ocean Avenue. Trust me!
~I cry: when I'm angry and when I feel bad and guilty.
~I write: when I feel like it
~I confuse: my friends and family with my sudden change of attitude (or when I'm overly overly perky)
~I can usually be found: with different kinds of expressions on my face (and with my phone)
~Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing: not that I'd like ot remember

~ARE YOU A...~

~Wuss: Pretty much
~Druggie: Pils is as far as I go
~Gang member: If you count Perky Miss Perfect in the TOrnado TRio (consists of Angsty Drama Queen and Sarcastic Dudette)
~Daydreamer: why do you think my grades are bad?
~Alcoholic: don't think so..
~Freak: So I've been told but yeah.. usually when I'm over perky.
~Brat: You can get the testimonial from my sister. But we LOVE each other.
~Sarcastic: Most of the times..
~Goody-goody: I am afraid to ponteng sekolah when I was having the most perfect oppurtunity
~Angel: I'm a human being! But being an angel would be cool!
~Devil: I AM A HUMAN!!
~Friend: I'm not sure if I'm a good one but I am one.. I suppose..
~Shy: In situations where I don't know anyone. But if I'm with my 'poeple', you'll never catch me dead being shy!
~Adventurous: Does eating raw octupus (which looks icky btw) counts?
~Intelligent: If you compare me with a bloody pig.
~Perky : You'd think theres something wrong with me if I'm NOT perky!
~ Loud : Its what I live for.


~Your best feature [personality]: I don't think I have any good ones to begin with.
~Most annoying thing you do: Lied
~Biggest mistake you've made this far: Lying about me running away form home, EVEN THOUGH I SO DID!
~Describe your personality in one word: DUH...
~A smell that makes you smile: The smell of the packet Macaroni and Cheese that I LOVE so much (only to find out that its non-halal)
~A city you'd like to visit: LONDON! LONDON! LONDON! Daniel Radcliffe here I come!
~A drink you order most often: air limau ais
~The music you prefer while alone: Depends on my mood. Usually those teenage girls songs like Aslee Simpsons and Hilary Duff.
~A TV show you watch regularly: The O.C. Can't miss an episode!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 2:21 pm | 0 Comments

life's LONG road

I stare at the blank space.

The blank space known as my mind

I sat there



Do I belong in this place?

This place where everything seems to be different

This place known as the world.

A place where everyhting I know, everything I believed

Seems just like an excuse

To continue living

This dark hole I wish I could jump forever

Seems to get even more deeper


So tempting

So inviting

No one stop me!

I sat at the corner

Looking at the sky

So dark, so cold.

Nothing could heal this pain

Nothing could keep me warm again

I’m lost


I hold the dagger up

Ready to shoot it through my veins

To end this lonely life

Of darkness

The dagger ready to strike

Ready to sink it’s sharp end inside my skin

Sink it deep

I opened my eyes

To a place I am much familiar with

The hospital

I have been there before

Many times

At every attempt to kill myself

But realize that I fail

Only eveyrtime

I end up there

The fresh cut

That I added to my collection of trying to kill myself

Was, like the rest, wrapped around a bandage

The red blood, dirty blood as I like to see it,

Has wet the white cotton.

I lay on the bed

Giving in to the pain

The pain that I wish would just take away my life


One way or another.

Mother had her talk again

Insulting my friend

The dagger

The only one I could depend on

The only one that I could trust

I stared again

At the blank space

Still thinking.

Do I belong in this world?

World full of joy and excitement

But only to cover up the lies

The hatred

Why can’t everyone open their eyes?

Why can’t they realise?

Life but a walking shadow

A poor player

That struts and frets it’s hours upon the stage

And then is heard no more

It is a tale

Told by an idiot

Full of sound and fury

Signifying nothing.

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 2:18 pm | 0 Comments

Thursday, September 09, 2004

giving it ALL away

This song is dedicated to everyone!

Hey you, livin for tomorrow
You sell your dreams for a pocket of change
Hey you, smokin up your sorrow
Just pointing fingers at someone to blame

Hey you, you turned your back on your children
Its left you in that big burning bed
This life is like livin in the gutter
All this pain just makes you feel dead

You're just giving it all, giving it all away
You're just giving it all, giving it all away

Slow down and just look a little closer
You might find that its not the end
You wonder how your life could get better
When your alone you just tear yourself down

You're just giving it all, giving it all away
You're just giving it all, giving it all away
You're just giving it all, giving it all away
You're just giving it all, giving it all away

Try and find your better half now
Open your eyes and find yourself
Hey girl, screamin for attention
Once you get it you throw it away
I'm broken I'm picking up the pieces
I won't live in all your mistakes

You're just giving it all, giving it all away
You're just giving it all, giving it all away
You're just giving it all, giving it all away
You're just giving it all, giving it all away

- told you Ashlee Simpsons ROCKS!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 1:51 pm | 0 Comments