Saturday, September 09, 2006

mentally DRAINED?

yes, I think that is the best phrase to descrie me right about now. I find myself only too tired around noon and too awake at the very peak of hours in the morning. I know it isn't healthy to mess up my sleeping orders but I think that might be impossible to turn back now. But I'm managing I think.

It is in the middle of trials now and once again, being the very typical procrastinating Farisa, I am cramming everything in between the middle of the night. Or should I say morning. OMG! This disorder is really eating me apart.

But all worries aside, I am too very happy today. Today is a saturday but we had school and I had to sit for my accounts and english paper today. Accounts. Was. Shitty. And this is because the teacher just don't have any mercy bones inside her body! She has made it so hard for normal thinking kids like us.

But my english paper was the bomb! I was skipping and jumping when greeting my mom home from the mall when I got back from school. Yes she thought I wanted something because I was being too overly excited and happy even for me.

Why was I crazier than usual?! Well, because I feel confident with my english essay today. We were to write a composition on the following topics given and I wrote about "why would I like to be a millionaire?" Not usually the cup of coffee I pick for my essays, but at the time I was booming with the thought of shoes and clothes worth a million, instead of the one thing I tried hard to forget.

So being the very weird and happy me, I found myself booming with excitement when I was writing the composition. Hahhah. I am very ahppy with what I wrote but I am scared too that my essay wasn't exactly the TEACHER'S cup of coffee. But for now this does not bother me. I must enjoy this happy moment.

Ahhh.... I am often in my writer's blog moment. Therefore I always feel like I never write as good as I want to. Thats my version of the phrase, writer's blog. ahahha.

- so whatever.

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 8:01 pm | 0 Comments

Friday, September 08, 2006

is my being EMOTIONAL funny?

Great. Just when I thought my train ride is now straight to spm and studying, life had to pull the lever and divert me to a road on quick sand. I told myself that I must not have any more drama now. I don't need any. Drama free me is already not having enough studying time, so why add preassure to the whole situation.?

I know this might make some of my friends mad, but I apologize because I could not talk about this to them. I guess there are things better kept alone. And this is one of it. Please don't ask, because there is no point of me telling. It won't change anything. I just need to let go of the thought. I know I had been very mean. I know it was wrong for me but anyone would be overwhelmed with a situation like that. I guess my keIMANan is just not strong enough. but I must.

I need not involve myself with such things and I know I might or might not hurt some poeple in the process but I must stop now before things get any worse. I have grown up with many pains from my childhood. I have been hurt by people and let me tell yah, ITS NOT A GOOD FEELING.

So I shall not do to others what I hate others do to me. Isnt life much simpler if there is no such thing as choices. Because then you need not need to make the wrong one. I regret it. I apologize for the pain. I'm just glad that this hasn't turned into something that I could not take back. The confusion only affects me, its my fault so I'll live with it alone. I just don't want to hurt the people I care for. That is why you guys are better off not knowing what happened or what might have. Please respect my lack of sharing more informations.

I am feeling much better because my gfs and I are talking about how I can be so cool when I am lame right now. so they're making me feel better. I shall live with this desicion now. And I shall correct my wrongs so no one else will ge effected. Love me still because my love for you guys are not at all changed. I hate myself for starting this. And I love myself for putting an end to it.

I hope no one figures out what the crap I'm talking about because like I said, the less people know, the less real it becomes, less hurtful it will be. So pass this post and just go like..
owh the pms-moody-crappy-tak-tentu-arah-bonk-in-the-head version of farisa is here. so get her shahrul and she'll be jumping after 2 minutes.

which I think I will.

(i wont be surprise if atikah is thinking that. ahaha.)

ps. I need to write this to clear my head, I don't need the sympathy. Its my fault so I don't deserve any.

- if atikah can have her emo posts so can I.

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 12:24 am | 0 Comments