Saturday, January 01, 2005

2005!! have now entered the year 2005...

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 12:20 am | 0 Comments

Friday, December 31, 2004

countdown to a NEW year

listening to : crash world - Hilary Duff
mood : good
current status : excited

a new year. a new start. a new beginning. as the wise words of the late Senima P. Ramlee - 'buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih' - which means - 'throw the bad , and take the new'.

Its 10 minutes to YEAR 2005 and I'm excited I am! Counting down to the last minute is making me nervous. And heck no one knows why!? I'm not ur everyday person who walks past you and go NEW YEAR IS COMING!!! Heck I didn't even know it was 31st December until a friend of mine text messaged me something about that!

Pathetic I am!

So Ayah invited me to his apartment to celebrate New Year. To experience all those fireworks and the noisy-ness that comes along with it. Especially when its on the 8th story building, high! The apartment is realy nice might I add.

But enlight to the recent event that has taken place, the earthquake and the tsunami, the government has banned any sort of celebration. No fireworks or any sort of late night parties . Not big ones at least. So all we could settled with was a nice conversation box in MSN Messenger full with people.

AND THERE YOU GO!!!!!!!!!!!!


owh by the way.. that was my first few words in 2005 and I'm having my first smile in 2005! Giggles.

So I had a bet with Shahrul. The first one to wish the other a good new year, wil win! Win what!? God knows! but proudly said as done, I WON!!! And I didn't even cheat though I'm on the verge of doing so!

-putting on Miza's thinking cap-

So now here it is. A whole new year. A whole new blank scrap book to be filled with pictures, words, memories, and adventure. A new book where you can fill with a whole new you, a whole new life, and a whole new colours and decorations. A whole new YEAR!

You can re-do what you enjoy doing in the last scrap book and yet leave space to start something new. Add more new faces in there and still keep the old. Enjoy the past memories and make new ones. New start, new goal, new way of looking at things. Broaden your mind! AND JUST START FRESH!!!

-thinking cap off-

So I guess, a new year, a new resolution right!? Well. I ahven't actually thought about the whole yet. But since I am in the subject, I should.

My Year 2005 Resolution
- complete all 5 prayers each day and more if possible
- lose weight
- have more self confidence
- make more friends [become friendly-er]
- score better in exams
- actually performing my resolutions

There you go! If you see me do none of this, then SLap me! Remind me! But I don't think I'd be able to finish all by the end of the year though. And that is why its called a resolution!

So welcome people to the year 2005!

- This is my first post in 2005!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 11:49 pm | 1 Comments

Thursday, December 30, 2004

my pyramid PARTY

listening to : true - ryan cabrera
mood : good
current status : worried bout my drums class tomorrow

I woke up the next morning realizing 'Oh my god! It wasn't a dream! I really didn't get those 8as!' Spend about 20 minutes depressed in my bed. When I woke up, I saw the form 4 list on my very messy desk and money on it. Remembering what happened earlier that morning..

I was being very very lazy to wake up for my prayers but eventually I did. I was so tired, sleepy and cranky. After all is done, I reminded my mom of the books money as I'm to buy my shcool books today. What she said were still clear in my mind. 'But how much does it all costs?!' And feeling bad of what I replied which was 'Angah tak tahu.. List buku kat bawah, Mama tgk la..' [which means 'I don't know, the book list is downstairs, you go look at it']

So imagine what I'd be feeling when I woke up 3 hours later seeing the book list on the table properly calculated, crossed and circled and money ready. A rush of guilt swept inside me! At that moment I realised that I have taken advantage of my mom. I also promised her to clean up my room 2 days before and yet I didn't. But after gotten my results she didn't even scream or scold me. She just reminded me to clean it up today.

And standing there in the middle of my room, everything seems to be everywhere, unclean I felt so bad I hid myself under my sheets and wanting to get away from everything. I felt like crying and I just wanted to turn back time. And after all she's done, I couldn't even give her the simple 8as. That made me feel worse. I realized how bad of a daughter I am to my mom. The thought of boarding school come running inside my mind. Yishk!

So after I gussied up, I did the only thing reasonable I could think of. No its not cleaning up my room, thought that should be it! I took the booklist and recounted the whole. After that I called up my mom to apologize. She just smiled.[at least I think she was] I love her!

Called Miza next to invite her to the bookstore. When we got to school, we hanged out at the Taman Gemilang to re-live memories of 2004 thats to end soon! There were about 3 people there already and thinking how long it would take so we hanged out for quiet a long time there. Much to my dissapointment, MIza told me that the tembok where we had our signature- our so called memoir - were taken out! GONE! CAPISH!! Yishk!

When we got back to the bookstore, more poeple were there. How I regretted we left it in the first place. I think out of all the customers there, me and Miza were the loudest. We were laughing, teasing, gossiping and pushing each other. Singing to I think! Theres a simple explanation to this behaviour. WE'RE 14 YEARS OLD GIRLS!! yup yup!!

When we're done with our shopping, we went to 7-11 [yay its all fixed now] to buy drinks and the 7-11 cashier lady person asked me how I did and I smiled sheepishly. And GOT OUT OF THERE!! We went to Ravi but there wwas nothign but white rice so we went to the Mamak Bistro at the end of the row. The Fried Maggi were not bad actually but I was not to eat anything as I'm to have lunch with Ibu that day. She insisted on bringing me tolunch to celebrate. Again I see no point of it!

When i got home, it was 30 minutes before Ibu were to come but I fekt to tired to do anything, instead sit in my room doing my thing. Lucky she called to inform that she's to come at 2 so I took my time. I took a shower and got ready. Was talking on the phone for a while before she came but I still hadn't wore my tudung or put on compacts. Or shut off my pc for that matter. Was running to the car in heels.

We ate at Cable Car in Sunway Pyramid. The food was good. And I was hungry. Was joking around with Along and Abang and Ibu there. It was a nice moment. After that, we were walking around and going to some body shop and it not being my place, Abang and I joked about ebing models and stuff. I approve of him!

Ibu gave me RM100 prize money which I'm thankful of since I planned to buy stuff there.

After that we went to the cd shop that had the Hilary Duff - Girls Can Rock singles but IT WAS SOLD OUT BY THEN!! Imagine my frustration!

Got into Surfer's Paradise. The shop is heaven I tell you! But too abd we cna't fit anything there. Shahrul called while Ibu and Along were browsing through a shop that sells some rotan suff. I'm glad he called though, it was broing me!

After that, we went to Tropicana Life where I was gloating of my new school bag and my soon to be school purse! I'm just totally in love!! After that, Along were looking for a shirt for Abang and I did something I never thought I would do. Bought a shirt for Shahrul! I cna imagine him in it and I'm proud of it! I really like it too!! It was a fun time shopping but it was also a hectic moment.

Amar was crying, Ibu was getting pissed, Ajin was complaining, Abang was trying out shirts, Along was being very picky, and I got frustrated at the fact that most of the shirts I planned to buy is size OUT!! Yishk! But I at last found him a perfect one!

When we got back, I was online and were teasing Haiqal! And was teased back. He's a meanie!! And after that, I actually did it. I cleaned up my room! Before Mama had to see how bad it was again! It was a pretty good job. Now I can see my desk. Giggles. It lasted for a few hours so now all is done and I am online! Satisfied of this day. And yet still wonder what happened to my 8as.

- 'Sha! Look at that hot red sexy satin night dress at Blush! Its so christmast-y!' It really was sexy!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 10:42 pm | 0 Comments

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

my PMR result

listening to : wonderwall - oasis
mood : not bad
current status : worried and pissed.

Proud shouldn't be the word. Dissapointed shouldn't be it too. So what word fits perfectly for my marks!?

Walked up to school feeling utterly confident. I was walking as if I am the most carefree person in the world. Sure the thought of the matter was in my head but it did not act up as it should be. Well not yet at least.

Shameen, Miza and I were joking and smiling as we walked up to school. After I stepped up into the school grounds, the first thing that came up to me was, 'SHOW ME MY FRIENDS BABEY!!' I know its twisted but it was what it was. How could I have helped it!?

Not seeing anyone I recognized, we decided to explore the long left school of ours. Not failing to notice the constructions working up in there we went to explore it. So BRAVO! They're finally doing what they've been saying they will. They're building the Dewan! Yay! But the stupid thing is! they couldn't help but to start it ANYMORE LATER! Its almost school time for God's sake, and they've only build the bones of the building. Pirsh!

And our current tapak perhimpunan, they've built this roof thingy and its only decreasing the space that is already not-big-enough to hold 36 classes with 40 people in each. Sometimes I wonder if they're using their brains. Pirsh!

So back to the canteen we went! We settled with an empty table there. But at that time most of the tables were empty. We met up with Tasnim who had her cousin with her. She was to buy her books so we left her there with her cousin and sat there the 3 of us. Now nervousness slowly creeping back in me. Pirsh!

Feeling rather bored and thirsty, Miza and I decided to go to the nearest [damn my numbers on my keyboard are busted] seven-eleven. Getting there was interesting. Miza and I were singing this song called ain't no mountain high if Im not mistaken. Its one of my favourite songs. We were getting CRAZY! Well, technically Miza was. I was just.. on the phone!? Yeah! Pirsh!

When we got there, we made instant friends with the seven-eleven [ISHK!] cashier ladies people. We were talking about chocolates, and the crazy accountant, and chocolates, and PMR. And one of them threatens to KICK-MY-ASS if I don't receive 8as. How I was ready to prove her wrong! Pirsh!

When we got back! Atikah was there. We handed out Shameen's drinks and saw Gg's bag but no sign of her body though. So me being my can't-sit-in-one-place-when-I'm-nervous-self-so-I
-just-have-to-walk-around-self, I went to look for Gg. After I saw Melisa and Nawal, again here I go!

Me being my extar-perky-self-and-being-nervous-does-not-help
-self, I ran to them to sink them in a deep hug. I was being so perky they think I've already goten my 8as. Pirsh! I'm just Farisa.

After a while I saw Gg walking up to me and I [as you've guessed it] ran to hug her! She's being all scared and it got me scared but I refused to let that get to me. We sat at the corridor for a while before we joined the group. By that time Atikah already took out her bottle of chocolates. GRAB EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I can't stay put! They're all sitting at the table feeling all nervous. I CAN'T DO THAT!! I need to walk. I just kept walking around as much as I can. Washing my hands for the sakes of walking. Kept going up to poeple thats slowly filling up the school. Saw Azfar, Sang adn Zahra. Went up to them with a smile. Kept flashing my teeth to everyone I see! I'm beginning to think that people are just hating me for my perky-ness at the WRONG MOMENT!! Again I say, I'm just Farisa.

I can't stand it! I was wlaking everywhere I can! I can't stay put. After I saw auntie Zakhreen's mom, I went up to her like Gg did and we both were welcomed with laughs. We were talking to her when suddenly we saw Ainul running up and down, dnaicng under the rain screaming like a MAD WOMAN!!! There you go! Our first 8as there! Yay!

After that, we ehard rumours that it was time to line up and get our results! I was freaking nervous by then! I did somethign I coudln't believe I did. I called up Along to come to my school to be there for me. She's the only person I can think of right there and then. So off I went to the classes. By this time my legs are already numb. The whole GALA happened and I didn't wnat to be a part of it. I just waited for Diana to come because I know I couldn't take it alone.

I waited outside class when all were rushing to get their marks. I heard screams, I heard cries, I even heard myself wondering which will I do. I really couldn't take it. I saw Farah screaming and jumping and being OWH SO HAPPY! She got her 8as and I'm so happy for her! And at that moment I felt as if I've already gotten my 8as. As far as I know, her performance and mine is are almost the same. I was somewhat more confident. But I could be deceited.

I saw Miza and ran towards her. I also went up to Shameen. I started to cry as I was so nervous. Ridiculous to think back about it actually! I saw Gg and ATikah, and they had tears in their eyes. And also a smile so I congratulated them and buried them in hugs! But tears still flowing madly. They all were being all sympathizing me and it was funny that I ahven't even got my results yet and yet I was so WET! Ahahahaha.

I saw Diana and I ran up to her! She comforted me and dragged me to the room. She got her results but I was crying at the corner of the room. MADLY might I add. Ahahhaha. Ridiculous. I hugged her and she smiled. After that, I went up to the teacher [more like Diana pushed me to her] still refusing to take that one slip of paper. That one slip of paper can actually be a turning point in life. I made it sound so important there.

Puan Rosemary were teasing me about crying even though I haven't received my results. WHATEVER WOMAN!!! So I couldn't see anything when I reached her. My eys were soaked with tears. Then I ehard Puan Rosemary says 'only her Sejarah and Geografi' and I felt like striking her throat with a knife but I restrained myself. Instead I cried even harder and tried to run away. But I were to sign my name, so I did and I ran form there. LEAVING EVERYTHING BEHIND!!!

I saw Shahrul and immediately went crying to him. Along called and I met her at the canteen. Still crying so bad. There was a moment there.........

The one thing that made me satisfied on that day is that Shahrl didn';t turn his back on his promise. He was there taking every moment of myt sorrowness when he should be enjoying his 8as. I'm truly grateful for that. And I feel bad that I kept him. And I would like to apologize too to my friends that I ran away from. I was just to depressed.

After it was done, I stopped crying and now flashing smiles and congratulations to people who succeeded. Mom said she's fine with it and kept comforting me but I was being to.. yishk! I went to Syed with Shahrul, Gg and Fawwaz as to so-called celebrate! It was not so bad but I still don't think I deserve celebration!

Thats not what Mama thinks though. She came back early today and comforted me. She kept saying she's fine with it but the problem is, I'M NOT!! I feel bad for her as she can't have the pleassure of telling people her daughter has got 8as. That makes me feel bad. But at least Ayong got her it!

So I have no freaking idea why but yet she bought me out for dinner as to celebrate 6AS! The food didn't taste very delicious. Well it was, but not as good as it would be if its for 8as. And now I can't stop myself making sarcastic jokes bout not getting 6as. Currently taking it. Sinking the thought in my head. I did my Solat Syukur though. I am thankful but I still could've done better I'm sure.

Shamil my cousin got his 9as and I. WAS. FRUSTRATED! But Tikah got 6as too so then I know how fair God is. Well, I'm ok with the whole thing now. I'm learning to accept the fact! And it sucks even more that my friends has to be all sympatizing of me when instead they could be celebrating their success. SO I AM GOOD!!!


Sure theres still a part of me inside my body says otherwise but give it a few days. I just need sleep right now. To calm myself down.

- There once was a girl in Malaysia. She didn't get what she wants. But she had her family and friends behind her. And now she knows its alright. Thanks you guys. Now to face my sister!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 10:31 pm | 1 Comments

nervous NUMBER

listening to : myself think
mood : not so good
current status : nervous

THIS. IS. IT. today is the day that we have been waiting for and yet we don't want it to come. does that make sense? PMR results day!? scared am I?! HELL YEAH!!!

I didn't wanna get out of bed today though. I know it is not gonna be pretty. Somewhat I can imagine myself without those 8As. Yishk!

Ok so I didn't dream anything about PMR last night. Like how I thought I would. I actually dreamnt that I was driving a car at the round-about and I hit many cars and crashed but not one scratch was found. weird.

I'm currently in a state where I JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN!! I mean I know I'm to expect this result of mine but like I said. I JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT IT! I was actually playing some feel good songs from Hamiza and dancing like mad to it. Dancing in the Moonlight. Get Busy. It was fun and it was hot and sweaty. Ahahahah. But I enjoyed myself.

I forgot about PMR results.

I know that in a few hours I won't be thinking the same thing but enjoy it while it lasts I always say. Now writing back about it, I'm NERVOUS. Ok I know I know. GET BUSY!!!!

I'm to get back to my songs now. I need Beyonce's Crazy In Love. SEND TO ME!!! Its such a perfect dancing song!

Hamiza and SHameen is to come in about an hour and a half. And I still need to eat lunch. Smells nice really. And besides, the Apprantice last episode will be on soon. My lunch movie.

Thats right I have a lunch movie. or a lunch book. Anyone care to know what it is!? It means that its something I do while I eat my lunch. I have this thing with my meals. Is that if I don't share it with anyone, I'd HAVE to do something else. Even if it means only listening to radio. Or reading papers for God's sake. But thats only if I'm too desperate.

Ok. Gotta go GET BUSY now before I slave myself to school for THE BIG O!

- shake that BOOTY!!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 11:00 am | 0 Comments