Saturday, July 10, 2004

when GIRLS get together..

listening to : avril - my happy ending
mood : normal
current status : not overly perky.. but not angsty

so I did it.. bgn awal today! at about 7.. u won't believe how ngantuk I was.. OMG! but teringat melisa and the other gals so terus bgn.. ahahahaha.. so then.. I got ready.. it was already pukul 8.10 when I reached school.. hahaha.. the girls were all 'LAMBAT! mcm nenek!' (hey!! nadhirah pon belom sampai kay!)

got there.. OMG! lapar! again the whole.. (tak mkn dinner, ok wait.. I had leftover pizzas..) but still.. when we settled everything there.. we were just talking.. papers and books and pens are ready.. but I guess we're just not.. hahaha.. then nadhirah came! yay! me and zaty (who didn't have breakfast yet) got really hangry and ajak the whole group pergi mkn.. mkn kat RAVI! I love the roti canai.. SEDAP! dah lar panas.. (kinda makes me wanna eat one now.. SHUT UP FARISA!)

we just talked masa tgh mkn.. we just talked (what do you expect? we're 5 teenage girls at a kedai makan.. what do you expect us to do besides talk and gossip.. its a girls' thing what!)after that we went to 7-11.. and I got my lollipop.. yum.. I need sumthing while working kan?

when we got back to school.. the kantin ladies persons tak bagi bukak kipas.. so rude! bukannya nak buat apa apa kat kipas diorang.. so we had to join in puan rosemary's geo class.. she was nice and we were noisy.. hahaha.. we just settled at the back of the class and did our work..

we got bored halfway and decided to kacau people.. (we do our work kay!) but the problem is.. who!? (well, on account melisa was there.. and kalau nak kacau shahrul nanti mak dia marah..) we decided to kacau shafiq.. we got his no. anyways.. just that its WRONG! org cina yg jawab! hahaha!

so we had to call shahrul to confirm the right no. he gave me a new no. but it was only 9 digits.. HAHAHAH! tahpapakan.. so kena call AGAIN! I made diana call coz I just talked to mom and didn't want the mom to thin I'm mcm.. mengacau her anak.. (although technically thats what we're doing.. but there were reasons kay!)when the mom answered diana chickened out and put off the phone! hahah! its soo funny.. nak takut apa? then zaty called.. then we asked for his real no... 10 digits one.. and we got it..

nawal called shafiq (we're all excited particularly melisa).. but tak dpt.. we thought he belom bgn.. (you know, guys kan have this thing with bangun lambat and stuff) so we just biar jer.. then shahrul called me to say the no. he gave was wrong (haih..) and we got the REAL no.. and this time.. its real.. we called (using nawal's phone) and it worked..

he answered the phone and evryone got all.. 'jumpy'.. hahah.. all the girls was rebuting the phone.. (cept me and diana, who was just laughing at the others.. like ayam-ayam rebut untuk mkn.. only that theres only one makanan.. [which in this case is the phone]).. then the whole lot of them were like.. 'melisa nak ckp ngan awak' and melisa were just moving away but was interested.. how do I explain.. like.. she didn't want to ckp but was soo keen to get the phone..

I just stomped of to them and grabbed the phone and talked to shafiq.. he was nice.. melisa wanted to hear his voice.. so I had to act stupid and made me ask him to say 'I am shafiq' just for the sake of her dengar-ing his voice.. hahaha.. I just ckp sekejap jer.. then I got back to my work..

ok ok! so it still not finished yet! but we did byk jugak! and then it was almost 12 so kena pergi already.. melisa and nawal: taek-won-do [god I miss taek-won-do], zaty: tuisyen, me: have to practice guitar and drums for class and diana and nadhirah just didn't want to stay 2 org jer..

me and diana went to block flora and sat in the middle of the pdg.. serious.. the kerusi-s that were there as the goalpost was used.. we just sat there and talked.. (again the whole girl thing) it was weird to be in the middle there 2 org.. hahahah.. then we just went back..

Balik terus practice the instruments coz takda masa and stuff.. and at 1 we went to parade.. I was hungry and had nasi goreng and sotong goreng.. yum.. then i WENT for class.. drum clas was fun (like always).. me and my teacher always joked around about me being the superstar drummer that is very busy putting on shows and stuff.. its fun lar.. (I'm telling you.. I have been getting less comment on my playing.. I might actually be getting good at this drumming thing)..

then I join boy and adlin for jamming.. the boys wanted to play 'the reason'.. the teacher didn't know that song so the 3 of us just played the whole song for him to recognise it.. best! the drumming is like damn easy.. simple beat! damn easy! I think I did good.. well.. next week we're playing the song with bass and guiar and drums and singing.. the real deal. I ajaked farah to see me play since she LOVES that song.. so next week farah will be in the studio..

then balik.. I just baked cookies, baca All-American Girl (again..) and main computer.. heheh.. I tidur masa maghrib.. can u believe that!? god. nasib baik my cous kejut me or else melepas chance masuk net.. she waked me and gave me birthday present.. hahahha... its this teddy thingy with a thingy at the front where you can put thingies in it.. hahaha.. I'm not explaining well am i? nvr mind..

the whole night I was just finding ways to not fall asleep so I can masuk net.. I had to force myself to baca buku to keep me awake.. i stole a 15 minutes nap before I masuk.. nasib baik I was able to bgn..

internet is fun! as always.. so basically thats it.. thats my day.. is it weird that I talk about my day in every blog? coz miz and atikah uses one blog to certa about what happened in a few days.. owh well.. thats just me I guess.. and aren't u guys penat baca panjang-panjang? again thats just me..

- me mE ME!!!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 11:35 pm | 0 Comments

kiss Me!

kiss me
out of the bearded barley
beneath the green green grass
swing swing
swing the spinning steps
you wear those shoes and I will wear that dress

oh kiss me
beneath the milky twighlight
lead me
out of the moonlit floor
lift your open hands
strike up teh band and send the fireflies dance
silver moon sparkling
so kiss me

kiss me
down by the borken treehouse
swing me
upon its hanging tyre
bring bring
bring your flowered hat
we'll take the road marked on your father's map

oh kiss me
beneath the milky twighlight
lead me
out of the moonlit floor
lift your open hands
strike up teh band and send the fireflies dance
silver moon sparkling
so kiss me

kiss me
out of the bearded barley
beneath the green green grass
swing swing
swing the spinning steps
you wear those shoes and I will wear that dress

-I can play this song! wow!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 1:13 am | 0 Comments

Friday, July 09, 2004

over the MOUNTAINS!

listening to : myself singing Breathe - Michelle Branch
mood : read the title
current status : in fantasy land

I am SOOOOO DAMN happy right now!

not to 'dissed' anyone who is feeling angsty.. which was how I felt a few days back.. I know I know.. Now that I read my last blog. It felt stupid.. But the pain remains.. I still remember clearly what happened.. thanks to this (lovely pink blog which I just happen to LOVE so much), I will remember this incident in a few years to come.. Don't worry.. I plan to..

Anyways, I've been talking to my maid now.. Pretend like nothing happened.. cannot fight for more than 3 days right? so what-the-hu!

how was my day? (I'm beginning to love these few meaningless words)

bgn.. hmm.. at 5am.. to buat nota sejarah (I know I know.. I won't do it next time.. which is exactly what I said the last time.. hehe) anyhue.. I was ready to bury myself in books and fill in those blank pages in my sejarah note book.. HOO-RA!

the next thing I know.. ITS 6 O'CLOCK! I slept through the whole one hour! One whole precious hour where instead.. I could've been reading and writing about Lord Whats-His-Name.. owh well.. so I just continued.. avril by my side.. singing her wonderful songs.. ('I don't want to fall to pieces.. I just want to sit and stare at you..') Lucky my lovey-dovey sister has her nota lying around somewhere.. I just copied it down.. (DON'T TELL CIKGU JAAFAR!)

guess what! tak habis! heheh! typical! It was already 7.05! and belum mandi! hahahah! So I just rushed through everything.. when will I ever learn? (tomorrow? hahaha).. so when I got there.. I just cpt-cpt coz we had to go to surau for agama.. met Diana on the way so just waited for her.. met shahrul halfway to the surau.. he baru dtg.. ngan fawwaz.. I said Hi! to both of them.. (gosh I'm perky!).. I don't remember their reactions so moving on...

Agama paper.. 71! yay! If I hadn't changed the asnwer to that one lowsy question! I would've gotten an A! You see.. thats the problem with me.. luck is just not on my side.. neither are A's.. whatever pon lar.. I just hate my bad luck-ness.. I mean.. whats the one thing that I'm lucky at? just name me one thing! anybody?

Diana and Zaty got and A.. yay. so whateverla kan.. who cares.. I'm not A student material.. what do i care if both my friends get an A and me stuck with the same typical BIG BOLD B! what do I care.. (which is why I really should consider ASRAMA!)

I just sat there finishing my copying on how Singapura was seperated from Malaysia (why do I care about this again? owh yeah.. coz its "sejarah".. wow-wee..) just sitting there.. all alone.. ok ok.. all alone with Tunku Abdul Rahman.. while everyone else is.. happy! its killing me!

Science. Just moody.. malas nak buat apa apa.. and happens to kena buat eksperimen. didn't even know what its about.. Just sitting there.. connecting the black ones.. to the red thingies.. was there a white? (hahhaha) the gals ajak me pick books then.. i malas gila but just pergi like what the heck.. Got to pick a book titled 'Alison's Revenge' wooo... sounds scary! Its about this Alison girl who wants to find the person who killed her twin sister.. but finds out shocking truth about her family.. pretty impressive huh how I can know all this.. well.. its a little sumthing call.. sypnosis..

Math.. DULL! Farah dah kena duduk jauh depan! NO!!! gonna miss that little lady! so far away.. Nadhirah gets to sit at her place.. more joy life brings! Thank god Jessica is still next to me.. If Jessica is seperated I swear they were ready to put shahrul next to me! (chills..)

Rehat.. (hey boys and girls.. can you say..) LAPAR!! I didn't have dinner (slept at 8 for gods sakes.. why? I have no idea! and still I've wasted one hour by sleeping at 5am tadi..) so I had LAKSA! SEDAP..!! any spilled on my tudung? hahaha.. take a guess..

Sejarah.. GOD! could it be more BORING! but the whole time me and farah were throwing kisses at each other.. hahha.. the teacher was shush-ing us.. we were just laughing.. zahra said shahrul was looking at us the whole time.. FUH-NY!

Balik? Got to caught up on who to teman me to beli baking stuff for my cookies.. Thank god Diana was there.. I just love the baking kedai! Its not much.. I mean, its just a baking store.. But the feeling that I get when I masuk is just.. splendid.. I dunno.. bukannya apa-apa.. then we had a round of ice cream.. we taked about lotsa stuff.. interesting stuff.. (raise eyebrows a few times while smiling, just try doing it and you'll know what I mean)

Then find out I had no more brown sugar and eggs.. ajak shameen pergi 14 beli those stuff.. hahaha.. I was walking the whole day.. PENAT! but it all paid of when I got to make 2 batches of CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES dough! alright! I'm just ratah-ing the thing! SEDAP LAR! then tuisyen..

Tuisyen? FUHN! ok ok! theres better times.. but now I know that the kilat goes for the highest object it can find.. its interesting actually..

balik? rebut Tv for Malaysian Idol.. best lar.. I don't really like to hear the singing.. I'm more interested in how the Malaysians can compete with the org puteh version.. serious.. how lame they can get and how much they are so MENIRU-ING the mat-saleh.. eheheh..

online.. shahrul can't chat so he called me instead.. stupid phone kena habis battery! our conversation was cut short! haih.. well.. at least he's calling me again nanti.. so no worries.. but It was fun! he's so damn nice..

then now I'm online.. gtg now.. shahrul is out.. and I gotta sleep.. besok nak kena be at school by 8am.. imagine that.. early morning at shcool on a saturday.. wat'd I tell you.. my life is FUN! owh well.. gtg now.. Alison is waiting..

- is it possible to be feeling so bad.. to feeling so good.. in a few days jer..

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 11:30 pm | 0 Comments

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

my BIGGEST mistake!

mood : BAD!
current status : lower than shit!

I made the biggest mistake of my life! I lied to my friends. It was stupid. I didn’t know why I did that. Well, actually, maybe I do. I came back from school yesterday feeling really depressed. Fact that I just got a very bad result for my Geography. What will mom say. Supposingly my internet will be cut off. And I just can’t live with that. I can’t live without internet. That’s basically the only time I can really talk and open up to shahrul. Take that away, might as well take everything else too. So I felt angsty of course. ‘The world is a big dark hole, I’d just better die because me living is only bringing bad things (or in this case, bad results)'. I got back and I got really hungry (eating is my cure for depression, I know I know that’s bad).
So usually, everytime I get back from school, I’ll have my lunch before I jaga my adik for my maid to have her lunch. But yesterday, who-knows-why my maid sent my brother upstairs for me to jaga whilst I eat, when she kat bawah, pergi mandi! MANDI! I mean, wait for me to eat before you mandi lar! U know, LIKE ALWAYS!! And whenever I makan, I would like some peace and quiet and nobody kacau-ing me. And there she goes, let my brother crying for me. I got pissed la kan. Especially that day when my angsty-ness rate is VERY HIGH! ARGH! I was just ready to burst.
Which is exactly what I did. I went to the toilet to wash my hands and when I got out, I saw my brother sat on my lunch! SAT ON MY LUNCH! The food was scattered, the plate is broken, he’s ass is covered in tom yam soup, and my other brother is WATCHING TV! Imran just cried and cried. I got so bengang I stomped to my mother’s bed, buried my face in the bantal, AND SCREAMED MY HEAD OFF!! My throat got kering and my back was hurting! I couldn’t stand it. I was crying so bad when I washed of my brother. I couldn’t take it anymore! And then I got an idea. I couldn’t stay there anymore. I wouldn’t.
So I just grab my brother and just left him in front of the bathroom’s door, where my maid is. I shouted at her! I grabbed the kain buruk and just cleaned up the mess. The whole time CURSING my maid. Saying things I’ve never and can’t believe that I ever did. I couldn’t stand it! I was losing my mind! I just exploded! I just dump everthing in a tray, left it in the sink, and went up to pack my bags.
I didn’t care about anything except to get out of the house. (must be how Harry felt when he stomped of the Dursleys. And I’m telling you, it ain’t pretty). Luckily, Im invited to shahir’s house for the day to play guitar. So that’s where I went. I only thought about bringing my towels, telekung, baju, and my tuisyen bag. And I stomped of to shahir’s house. My maid saw me leave. That’s what I want. I want her to be scared. I want her to worry about what will mom do to her when she finds out I’m missing. She looked worried. I didn’t care. I banged the door and head to shahir’s house. When I told him I’ll be staying at his house for one whole day (including the mandi-ing and sembahyang-ing) he freaked out. He thought I was kidding. Well when I’m really mad like that! It ain’t a joke!
So I just spent the day with shahir and shafiq. We just watched tv the whole day and played sims. Going to shell to buy my lunch. And guess what it was? A mangy Twiesties Tomatoe. Yup. I was so hungry. So I felt better then. The two boys cheered me up a little. So when I went to tuisyen, I just acted normal. Only shameen knows what really happened. When I got back, my mom asked me what happened and made me explain everything. So I did. She sympathized me. Instead of ‘NO MORE NOTHING!’, she just said, ‘are you hungry?’ she is truly the best. She went out for dinner last night. I wasn’t up for going so I stayed home and made caramel pop corns. She just brought back a cheeseburger for me, cause I said I already ate the pop corns.

* * * * *

I woke up today feeling like shit. Yeap. Shit that just got smashed by a big lorry’s tire. I woke up kind of late, and had to rush through everything. I felt so bad tadi. When I got to school, I tried to act normal. Well, I guess it didn’t work. Diana realized. I pretend like nothing happened. Only agama class cheered me up again. I was happy. The smile this time wasn’t plastered. It was real. But when I got back from agama class, it felt like shit again. (I really do need to sit near my friends again.)
When its time to go home, I just felt really down. I told Diana I ran away from home. I meant to tell her that I got back already, but played along to it for a while. She told Atikah and Gg (who told fawwaz then.) about it. And they got really worried. I just went through with it. And the cry, it was real. I couldn’t act that good sampai menangis so the cry must be real. I guess it just let go of some of the pain. And I felt nice being wrapped around my friends’ arms and their concerns. I think that’s what made me do it. I want attention. I felt lonely. Like the whole world is against me. Grades are bad, had a big fight sampai lari rumah (one of the things I never wanted to do.), I know I shouldn’t take it on my friends but being around them just made me feel secure, and loved.
Shahrul didn’t even asked me what was wrong, and I know he knows there was something wrong. And it made me feel worse that way. And when I told them I was kidding, the whole of them just got really mad at me. And I just snapped to realty, realizing what I just did! I felt really guilty, I was walking home, thinking of cutting myself ( this one thing I know I WON’T ever do, and lucky I didn’t ) I just balik and cried. And this time I didn’t feel like shit, I felt lower the shit. The one thing I need most at a time like this, is my friends, and I lied to them. I didn’t know what to do. I apologized and they said they weren’t mad. I didn’t believe them. They have to marah. I want them to. I just lied to them, made them stay back and stuff, and for what, for attention? GOD!
I hate myself right now. I couldn’t forgive myself for doing that. I just want to write to express how I feel. To have someone to talk to. To tell, but don’t need to hear anything from them, just for them to listen. I want my sister right now. Its not like I tell her all my problems, hopes and dreams, but having a sister by my side, is what I need right now. (since I screwed up with my friends.)


there won't be anymore Perky Miss Perfect. She's dead. and this will be the last time I write like this. I will be different. A new person. Out with the old and in with the new. The new Farisa will be more serious. A whole lot more serious.

- I'm gonna miss me..

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 9:50 pm | 1 Comments

Sunday, July 04, 2004

my DEATH wish.. (just in case)

1. I hope that people will read this death wish so they can fulfill it for me
2. Tell Daniel I love him
3. Take good care of shahrul for me
4. Take good care of my Harry POtter collection
5. Open a hair saloon under my name
6. Take care of my family for me
7. Burry all the Harry Potter movie DVD'S for me (original mind you)
8. Keep the world a clean, healthy, peaceful place
9. Kiss Imran and mom for me every night
10. Whoever gets married to SC, has to love him a lot and take care of him REALLY WELL 9or I'll haunt you!)
11. Don't ever forget me
12. Visit me always
13. Don't insult anything I loved
14. Straightened my hair or turn it like Hermione's before tanam-ing me
15. Be more sarcastic
16. Cherish the name Perky Miss Perfect
17. Pass me my exams
18. Get more Harry POtter stuff to add in to my collection
19. Live your life to the fullest coz you'll never know when you'll die
20. Destroy angsty-ness
21. please fulfill this death wish

- heaven is waiting.. god may be calling.. and I'd bid you all goodbye.. (but for now.. I'd very much like to stay!)

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 1:05 am | 1 Comments