Friday, July 08, 2005

big emo BLOB!

listening to : get out (leave) - jojo
mood : i dunno..
current status : sigh...

its just one of those moments when nothing is wrong.. but you feel as if it is.. PMS I suppose...

urgh.. I've been really manja lately.. to shahrul I mean.. in this weak alone.. I broke down crying for no absolute 'saint' reason for like --- times.. all when I was with shahrul.. I guess its because he went for the trip to China for like 5 days.. and I've missed him so much that this sort of shit happens.. and I know he hates it.. personally, I do too..

on monday.. the first day after he got back.. I came to school and met him at the school gate.. I broke down crying when I reach the tapak perhimpunan because he did't walk with me.. okay.. quite dumb..

after perhimpunan, as usual I walk to his class,a nd I got to talk to him and stuff.. and he said somehting that somehow made me feel so bad.. though I know its nothing that bad.. And I broke down crying again.. all the way to class.. And I was crying like MAD!! seriously.. I mean, if I cry in school, its never like.. THAT.. Seriously.. Its like a little kid crying after being scolded by the mom.. it was loud.. everyone was staring..


then after recess.. I cried because he had to go to class.. AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!!! Ok GOD!! That was dumb...

the next day, I broke down crying because he joked about somehitng.. and I cried all the way home.. to my doorstep, when he had to trail back after me..



yeah.. so I'm just a walking emo blob this week.. but I try to be more less sensitive
from now on.. I think Shahrul has had enough..

urgh.. I feel sucky again..

well have you ever feel as if you really want something, but you know you can't have it.. so eventually you get use to the fact and you learnt to accept that you just can't have it.. until one day someone comes and BAM it back to your face.. making you want it, and care for it even more..

urgh.. its not a pretty feeling.. And it BAM me twice today!.. SUCKY!...

Its just something I really want.. and having to see someone else get to do it.. makes me feel so sad. and depressed... But I know that it is not the right thing to do.. And I have to restrain myself.. And I do try.. Hard.. or else I'd not be who I am right now.. trust me..

But seriously.. I don't need these sort of temptations for me to deal with.. Its hard enough for me to accept these.. sigh.. but then again.. that's life right.. why would God create all these problems if it wasn't to test on our keimanan and our strength.. patience, and pride..

So I'm keeping mine.. and this is going to be me.. Alhamdulillah.. That made me feel a little better.. I love myself!!!


I never thought my life would consist of so much money, time and classes..

my schedule every week...

monday : school.. homework.. BM tuisyen class
tuesday : school.. homework.. Drums class
wednesday : school.. YEP meeting.. addmaths tuisyen.. Eng. Lit. class.. homework..
thursday : school.. Setia meeting.. Kimia class.. homework..
friday : school.. Fiziks tuisyen.. relax..

and my weekend now are both filled wiht homeworks.. seriously.. sometimes I wonder what happen to all my time.. I don't even get to chat on the phone anymore so no time spent there.. argh..

I'm just waiting for myself to crack..

I'm still finishing Setia's website.. A little bit more.. But its still work.. Sigh...


sumbangsih is coming up.. so is my one year anniversary with Mr. Shahrul Iman. those are highlights..

- tell mama I'm sorry for all the money she spends on me every month.. URGH!!!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 10:54 pm | 0 Comments

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

the trouble with SUMBANGSIH

listening to : stranded - jennifer paige
mood : not good
current status : having a lil headache

can you believe that the school has really sunken low!? the headmaster is actually THREATENING the school clubs to sell all 20 of the sumbangsih tickets EACH! and the punishment if we don't, is that our upcoming projects won't be entertain by the school. how fucked up is that!?

and as a part of the Setia Board Member, I am responsible to sell these 20 tickets. URGH!!! And its worse that they told us like.. a week before the thing.. How the hell are we suppose to sell them all.. especially for rm120 (which is the original price) instead when other clubs are selling them about rm60. Its so fucked up!!!

so on the dya that we got the bad news.. G and I went around the school selling the tickets.. seriously.. all those who had said yes.. are just out of pity for us.. and those people are only 3!!

So then we had to work our charm and everything! So we had a chat and everything.. and the teacher agreed to subsidice rm200 so that it will reduce the amount of pay that the buyers would have to pay. and then she told us that we're only able to sell 1 table.

I felt somehow that wasn't right.. So I tried my best to find all that I can.. Omar got about 4 people, G got about 3, Diana got 1 and I got about 6.. Seriously, the rest of the group really didn't even try to find anyone else to buy. I felt kind of mad.. but then again.. whatever lar.. mom told me that it was all that you get being in a comittee, So I accept..

So anyways.. I would like to plant A BIG THANKS to syed muazam from SMSJ, my dear friend who agreed to help out and buy 6 tickets from setia. YAY!!! And the best part is that he is bringing his girlfriend, and my boyfriend is going to. So we all can go meet up and stuff...

THANKS MUAZAM!!! Couldn't done it without you..

so we've got about 6 more tickets to sell!! thats good right.. I mean, INsyallah!

but then, when all is getting a lil better, YEP dropped a bomb saying that the sponsors couldn't sponsor us, and that each member had to give about rm20, so that we could sell the tickets for RM95 each. DOINK!! I'm already paying rm120.. maybe another rm20 for my class, and now this.. CRAP!!

And who the hell are we going to sell it to!? I mean, its soo late.. and most people have either bought their ticket, or they're not going..!! WHATS TO HAPPEN TO YEP!!!

And this made me MORE pissed at the headmistress.. I mean, who is she to threatened us like that.. I mean, if you can't do your work of selling the tickets yourself, don't punish us by giving us your work.. obviously people who doesn't wanna go means they think the thing SUCKS!!!

But it is quite sad thinking about it.. I mean I love my school.. But to drop a BOMB like that is so.. fucked up...

Just imagine if any clubs are not able to sell their tickets.. so what, she's closing down ALL clubs? What school would she have then.. Its like.. us students joined these sort of clubs.. bringing it to pride for the school.. giving it a good name.. trying to practise our qualities.. and all the good good blah balh reasons people join clubs.. and she's liek.. doing this.. YISHK!! making me so mad..

And its hard for me, Diana, G and Farhah as we have to sell finish both sides.. DOINK!!!

Argh.. life...

- anyone wants to go to sumbangsih? its for a good cause.. :D

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 10:59 pm | 1 Comments

Monday, July 04, 2005

unexpected ENCOUNTER

listening to : kau ilhamku - manbai
mood : fine
current status : hungry

Isn't it weird to actually meet back your kindergarten friend? One that you have never spoken to for almost 8 years now. And its like, you just know that you've gotta say something, and yet there is nothing you can say to them because you don't know where they've been half your life..

Well its worse when that person is your first crush, and the parents are close friends with yours!

And fate has arranged for me to meet back my old friend, Armand.

So here I thought, that that trip to Parade was just going to be a typical outing for lunch and stuff.

And so it goes on as normal as it can get. Then my mom and I with Imran, went to Parkson to buy his pampers. Whilst my dad, Nazrin and my 5 years old cousin Amar, were at the computer shop.

Then I begged my mom for this piece of clothing that I REALLY REALLY REALLY Love so much!!! It was form NIcole. So my mom eventually gave in and we went to buy the thing and stuff...

Then my dad called to say he was on the lower ground in Parkson, at the food connection place. So we went to joined him afterwards. My mom decided to bring my brother to this corner that has like all these baby baby stuff... its in front of Sushi King.

So my dad and us went to buy some junk food and stuff.. and then we joined my mom at the baby toys place.

And there comes Armand and his dad. My mom saw and being good friends with him and all, striked up a converstaion with him. I almost faint. Seriously.. And it was like a long conversation kind of thing. That was like the longest 20 minutes of my life.

Somehow, Armand was standing behind me.. And I felt so weird as I feel like I have to strike up a conversation, and yet WHAT WILL I SAY!!

So my mom and dad and the dad were talking and stuff, and I was stuill debating wether I should say anything or not..

But no need coz my dad did that FOR ME!!! and he said.. ' SO KORANG NIH SENYAP JER.. TAK TAU APA NAK CAKAP IS IT!? '

Ya Allah malunya!!!!!! Its like.. I'm working on it...

So we both just smiled and stuff... I can feel that he too was feeling the same way.. All awkward and stuff... GOD!!!

According to my sister, everyone knew about my little crush for him before.. And its like, weird lar seeing it like this now..

So I finaly gain my courage, and after 5 minutes, I truned to him and was all like.. 'So how you doing!?' we gotta keep it cool....

ahahahah.. and he smiled and nodded, then I asked him hows life.. and he smiled and nodded.. ahar.. and then I asked him how was his exam.. and he smiled and nodded.. and I asked him if he failed anything.. he and he smiled and put up 3 fingers.. and so I start rambling about me failing and why and how and that I have never failed before.. and he smiled and nodded...

I'm starting to think he's turned bisu or something.. So I smiled, nodded.. felt super weird.. and pretend as if Imran did somehting wrong for me to go correct.. then I just sat there doing nothing..

It was so tense and weird.. I mena not that I can't talk to him or anything.. but he's weird himself..

So we both were just quiet and wishing that moment would be OVER SOON.. trust me, I know!!

And when it did, I was relieved. I mean I was happy and all to see him but It was just too weird even for my perky self.

Then my mom striked up a conversation with him for like 30 seconds and they went off..

The first thing I told my mom after they left was 'I NEVER WANT TO BE IN THAT SITUATTION AGAIN!' and my mom smiled.. and my dad was like ..' pelik eyh? dah lama tak cakap and all' LIKE DUH!!!

And I told them that it was him who was all shy and stuff.. And I told them seriously, never again!!!

So thats how it went, When Farisa meets Armand for after 8 years..

- I have a boyfriend now.. so no one left matters, first crush or no first crush!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 3:31 pm | 2 Comments

Sunday, July 03, 2005

open DAY

listening to : starcrossed - ash
mood : fine
current status : bored

too some its a killer, to some its the worst day ever, to some its a good day to prove that their good, and to some, its just another day just its with your parents.

For some reason, the mention of open day has never scare me before. I mean, I hear peopel dread open day but its like, to me, it just that m parents will come, talk to my teacher about me, and I am able to hear my teacher's opinion from my teacher's view.

personally, I like my parents to come to my school for open day. Why? God knows.

I guess why I don't feel all scared about it is because I don't really get bad grades in class.. not when I am in primary school. And when I get to secondary school, I never failed or anything. Or maybe because I tell my parents all the marks I get even before any open day arrives. I'll explain to them properly and everything and they'll understand. Or maybe because I just have understanding parents...

whatever it is.. its fine..

so I figured that my dad would forget the event, so I had to write him a note on the dressing table saying that he had to come to my school to get my report card that day. Mom was out of town.

so there I went to school. Weird that none of my friends were there. So I said hi to the people who are already in my class, and set off to the YEP selling place with Shahir. THERE WAS NO ONE!!!!

We met up with Rohini and Rebecca. And then we met Nicholette, she gave us the key to the room. Shahir, Atikah, Shameen, Diana, Miza and me did some last minute repairing of the jewellery boxes we spent about 2 weeks making.

So we set up the table, and on the journey begins...

It was not really right coz it wasn't my shift or Diana's but we were actually working off selling these boxes.. Some parents really get wowed by it, while others gave us a 'GET OUT OF MY FACE' look.

I decided to save my energy for my shift, so I went back to class. Pei Yi was suppose to be on shift duty at that moment but I don't know why she was just sitting there. She didn't want to do her shift and I DON'T REALLY LIKE IT.. She claimed that shes waiting for her mom.. AHAR...

So I went back to the spot and hanged out and stuff when Gg joined me and we set off to the small Setia meeting held nearby. Somehow, I was kind of pissed being at the meeting, especially Omar. I don't know why. Then G and I went up to the cunseling room talking to the teacher about stuff, then I just lost my mood, and I ran back to class to see if my dad is there...

He's not. Then G and I talked with MIchelle and stuff. And at one point, I felt as if I really really wanted my dad. MOre than ever.

So the jump that I did was expected when I saw my dad. But his turn was in a long time. I sat next to my dad first and like talk to him about my report card while he was flipping trough it.

Then I was telling him some stories and we sort of [though I won't admit it to him] - BONDED. It got weird after a while as we had nothing more to talk about. I mean, what can I say beside..... Star Wars.

note : I don't know why, at one moment, Puan Susela took over Puan Misliah as our 'talk-to-the-parents' teacher. And I freaked, I mean, theres so many things that she can say about me.. like how I came late that time.. or maybe, theres NOTHING she can say about me.. CAUSE SHE HARDLY KNOWS ME.. she doesn't teach me anything!

So I was all freaked and stuff. When Mr Lim came into my class.. I was happy, cause I thought he was taking over Puan Susela. I GUESS NOT!!!

So at one point, I left my dad and went to buy food and drink just in case he feels like it.. When I got back, he was chatting with Hazwani's dad. THANK GOD he has something to do at least.

I went back to the YEP table to see that the last box were sold so I'm like.. GOOOOOD......

So I went back to class...

LUCK was on my side when it was my dad's turn to meet the teacher. Why? Because at that moment PUAN MISLIAH CAME BACK!!

I mean sure puan misliah doesnt teach me too, but she knows me a lot better than Puan Susela due to the Setia thing and all....

I was jumping and pumping my fist to the air when she came back.. Michelle and Mr. Lim had a good laugh about that.

So there wasn't much too say about me... Only that i need to improve myself in these certain subjects and all.. and we were discussing about why I'm this and that.


I feel happy..

So then Puan Misliah introduced my dad to the whole Contribute the Dindingless Dewan - GIVE MONEY - Go SUMBANGSIH!!

And he was considering it! SO I MIGHT BE GOING!! WOO HOO!!!

So I bid my dad goodbye and stuff.. and in a few minutes, Michelle mom came, and she, I and MIchelle talked and stuff.


Then when they were off, and Gg went to see Fawwaz and all, I stayed back in class doing addmaths.. I DON'T KNOW WHY!!

Then Shahir came to my class asking me to go home so we could work on our so called singles.


singles = songs that Shahir, Syafiq and I are supposingly working on to make actual rock songs.. I ahve my single, Shahir's single, and Shafiq has one too. That means, that the person who owns their single, is in charge of the plucking of the song.

my single : I play the plucking on electric guitar, Shahir plays drums, Shafiq plays rythym guitar on my classical.

Shahir's single : He plays his own plucking on electric guitar, I play the drums and Shafiq does the same thing.

Shafiq's single : H plays his plucking evrsion on electric guitar, I play the rythym guitar on classical and Shahir takes the drums.

And on Friday, we worked on my single and now all is left is to put the words in.. And i found a nice melody to the song.. now Diana, les get together for the lyrics aight!!!


But I don't know why I told him that I still don't want to go back.. INstead he helped me with my homework.

The thing that made me mad most, is that at the moment when I almost went back, was the moment Pei Yi's mom came to school. I WAS SO MAD coz she could have done her shift. Sigh...

So Shahir succeed dragging me home. Then I did the whole single thing. And it was F-U-N!!!!

ps : I WANT AN ELECTRIC GUIATR OF MY OWN!!!! I am so jealous of Shahrul!!!!!!

- fail or not.. my parents will understand! I LOVE MY PARENTS!!!

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 7:00 pm | 0 Comments

jejak MATHS

listening to : i'm not sure the title of the song : the calling
mood : good
current status : waiting for my ustaz

ok here is the deal. there was this maths quiz in school that took place on wednesday. I thought since I'm quite good in Maths, it would be kind of fun to take part. but I didn't pay so much attention to the whole thing until it was already the closing date so I thought.. ok fine whatever.

its cool that diana took part in the thing as so she told me. This is how it works. You have to come up with one team, 2 contestants from form 5, 1 from form 4 and 1 from form 3.So Izzat invited Diana to be his form 4 dude.

so coincidently the day before, I told Izzat that I wish to have joined this maths thing but it was too bad that I was late. and like 10 minutes after that, Diana told me that she was debating to herself wether she should still go through with this math thing since she has her Physics Experiment she needed to do at the same time.

So when I got back from school, about 6 o'clock like thta, Izzat called me to ask me to take Diana's place. I was more than happy to do so if I did not need to study for it.

But he told me that it was too late minute for him to find anyone else. I groaned to the fact that I agreed. But then I thought the better of it so I felt tht it owuldn't be that bad even if Ihad to study a little, especially if we could win the prize. :D

So there I go, studying all night, I sayed up until 2am just to finish studying 5 chapters of my Modern Maths. OWH GOD!!!!! It was suffering really. Especially when i start at about 11pm. Due to my homework and my brother.

useless fact : while I was studying on my bed, at about 12 something, I was 'resting' my eyes and of course, fell asleep. then I got a msg on my phn and that woke me up. It was a msg from shahurl all the way from China and it seriously made me wide awake and I studied myself through.. the power of one SMS.

So I was ready to take on the maths quiz later. When i got there, I was introduced to my 2 other members. Faraheen and 'Shing Wei'(God knows his name, I don't remember if this was it.)

fun fact : my mom and dad was acually going to name me Farahin if it wasn't going to be Farisa. But my dad wanted to nanme me after Kelantan's Crown Prince, Raja Faris, so here I am, Farisa Roslan.

Turns out that the whole Maths thing is actually to test your speed, and how well you can measure. Each team were give a long ruler, a 1 meter string, and a paper with all the questions. The fastest team with the most correct answers, wins.

So there we set of going all around the school to find the answers.

these were what we had to answer.
- the isipadu of the water cooler
- the luas of the Taman Impian
- the luas of a bulatan that one can make to fill the whole of the Dindingless Dewan
- the height of the Block A building
- the humbers of the car plate of a teacher or sumthing like that
- and I didn't answer the last question as half of my other teammates did so

additional fact : while I had to bend down to take the measurement of the Taman Impian, this asshole passd me and actually just walk into me making my tudung sort of 'tercabut'. He was damn fucking rude. But i was too busy to g
it was fun really, going around and being all kecoh and stuff trying to be fast and all...

so we got all question done, but I think we spent too much time on the Dindingless Dewan question so we ddn't get to be first even though we did have a chance.

So we got there as the 10th team. Not so bad considering its out of 19 teams. It was quite fun that we get to run around the school and stuff, and it realy does test your mast skill coz you ahve to use stuff like Trigonometri and stuff. It just sucks that I stayed up till 2am and ended up having nothing about what I studied out to use that day.


but now I found out from Izzat taht we have 2 wrongs. Argh whatever lar.. NOt that I expect us to win anyway after that! But as so if we have luck, then you'd be seeing me and my team mates up infront this MOnday during assembly


- ever heard of the phrase you loose some, you gain some.. well I might have lost a few pounds, but sure as heck I want to gain some prizes.. heheheh

from the mind to the fingers of Farisa Roslan | 6:58 pm | 0 Comments